Sunday, December 30, 2007
Finally Done - Last Will And Testament...
Well, my will was finally finalized today at the church office. I had to wait until then to find a notary and enough witnesses. The bank said they cannot do wills and such, so we went this route.
I thought there would be something freeing about getting this done, but somehow with the more witnesses it just felt like it complicated things more. The nice thing about witnesses at the bank or an attorneys office is there is no connection to them. None whatsoever. At church it felt like a connectedness, which I simply did not want to feel right now. Don't get me wrong, as I do appreciate what they did.
Well at least it is done and that was the responsible thing to do. I went through the footwork of having a will and durable done at the same time, but somehow I wondered why I was doing that part, other than that is what I am supposed to do.
There was little feeling for me today, other than I have done what I am supposed to do, because society says so AND because I wanted to have a voice in what happens to me and what happens to the remnants in the way of 'stuff' when I am gone.
You notice in the photo on the left the will looks all pretty and flowery.. I see nothing pretty or flowery about a will except it lets someone know of my intent. I trust the holder of this will with all my heart.
I have had a bit of difficulty over wills in the past few years. A friend of mine passed away and I sat in amazement as my old pastor that I left behind open a sealed will that was not his to open.. And then later had an attorney destroy the will by means of burning it. The person was alive and in a rest home and no longer able to make responsible decisions. I never will know if she told them to or not, but the woman I knew would never have let them do that. AND she was one of the most territorial women I ever knew. She signed everything, including her fishing rods if it was at all possible.
Then there is the will Rhonda managed to manipulate over my father. His intentions were clear for years and within the last year or so of his life, suddenly three codicil's were added, relinquishing his wishes which and been in place for years and giving all to Rhonda over a period of a short time. He died of stage 7 Alzheimer's disease. Clearly he was not in any mental state to have made these types of decisions during the last years of his life.
At least I know the two people I selected to oversee mine will not play these types of games. So that is a good thing...
Off to bed for me. I spent enough time and have given enough energy to this will thingie. It will do what I need for it to do and that is truly all that matters at the end of a day.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Bonus Miles or Frequent Flyer Miles or Paypal?
I have been made the limited administrator for Moe's affairs, meaning I have to follow what the Probate Courts tell me to do to a T. So here is the deal. My pastor and church says God puts the right people at the right time with the right resources exactly when we need them. So I am going to put my faith in God. I don't believe God allowed me to be assigned to handle Moes burial and to get her life in order if God did not believe the resources would show themselves when they are needed.
Here is what I need... I need Frequent Flyer Miles or Bonus Miles to get to Connecticut so I can get Moe out of the Medical Examiners Office and have her placed with a Funeral Home. She has been at the Medical Examiners office since a week after Thanksgiving. Additionally, if this is not possible, any increments, regardless of size added to my paypal account will help. I will be driving her vehicle back until the courts advise me what I am supposed to do with it.
Any help at all, I will be grateful for. Moe gave to others so unconditionally.. Please help me get the balance of her life settled.
I have put a donation button up on the upper right corner of my blog for those of you who wish to help. It would not embed on this page...
When I get there, the MCC church in their area has stated they will have no problem getting me a place to stay with one of their members.
Thanks to all..
Rough Night Last Night
Well after about 2 weeks of being able to breath better than for a very long time, I had trouble last night. I got up and did a breathing treatment and tried to go back to bed. Did not stay down long as every time I did my lungs start getting fluid in em. Just enough to make me fricken miserable. When I figured enough time had lapsed I took some more tussive syrup and that seemed to do it. Kind of a disappointment as I thought this last round of medications had pretty well adjusted everything. POOP!! It gets scary when that happens. I feel a lot better today other than I am tired and do not feel rested.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Brandy Carlile - The Story - Taken From Gray's Anatomy
Brandi Carlile - The Story - Taken From Gray's Anatomy
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do
And I was made for you...
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas Everyone
I wish each and every one of you a wonderful and Blessed Christmas. I hope each of you have a great Christmas Eve and a Merry Christmas.
God has gifted me in so many ways. There has been healing of the hearts within my family. My health has settled some in the last week or two. I have been blessed with so many offers for a place to spend Christmas Day. Thank you God for placing so many wonderful people in my life.
The people and pets in my life I thank God for Everyday. This evening I will be spending with little Miss Sassy and Annie Fanny. I made up socks for each of them and I will give them each one surprise out of it tonight, and they can have the rest of their presents when we get up in the morning. You know they are not dumb. Both of them keep sitting there and staring at their socks.
Once again, Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and a Blessed Christmas Day.
Ya Think?
God has gifted me in so many ways. There has been healing of the hearts within my family. My health has settled some in the last week or two. I have been blessed with so many offers for a place to spend Christmas Day. Thank you God for placing so many wonderful people in my life.
The people and pets in my life I thank God for Everyday. This evening I will be spending with little Miss Sassy and Annie Fanny. I made up socks for each of them and I will give them each one surprise out of it tonight, and they can have the rest of their presents when we get up in the morning. You know they are not dumb. Both of them keep sitting there and staring at their socks.
Once again, Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and a Blessed Christmas Day.
Ya Think?
Mr Murphy's Gone To Heaven
Well Mr Murphy had to be put to sleep this morning. Of all days for his condition to worsen and have to do it. Murph was blind in both eyes and had a tumor on his little wee wee. It was getting much bigger. A few months ago he began to get black spots all over his back. Yesterday when Vicki and I went to call him in he was sitting about two feet in front of us and it was like he did not even know we were there. This morning there was mucus with blood in it in his urine. This morning Vicki and I took him to the vets and the vet felt it was time. My vet was not open so I had to track one down that was.
At least I know he is in a better place and I know the year I had him here he has had a lot of love and been pampered. I am grateful Vicki was there to help me get through this. It was hard on her too, as she had known him for years.
Gonna go lay down for a bit...
At least I know he is in a better place and I know the year I had him here he has had a lot of love and been pampered. I am grateful Vicki was there to help me get through this. It was hard on her too, as she had known him for years.
Gonna go lay down for a bit...
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Update On Moe
Well the courts were only able to find a half sister from Moe's birth mother. The half sister has signed off with the Probate Courts, asking me to be assigned as the administrator for Moe. Her hands are full right now, as her teenage son has cancer, combined with the fact she was not raised with Moe. The judge signed the order on Friday. Finally, I will be able to get Moe out of the Medical Examiners Office. Without the permission from the Probate Courts, I could not as much as talk to the Military to make arrangements for her. There are degrees of being an administrator. Mine is under very tight control of the Probate Courts and I have to get permission and approval from them each step of the way. If there are any assets and no will, the half-sister will receive the assets left after the bills are paid. The apartment complex has worked with me well thus far, as have the police and the Probate Courts. My job right now is to take care of Moe's funeral arrangements and get her bills/assets sorted; When I am done with that I am to go to the Probate Courts to do what they tell me to do next.
I have not much more to tell at this point. The flights are going to cost me approximately $600.00 when all is said and done. My Pastor is working on getting our church members to donate their frequent flyer miles for me to get up there. There is much I can do here while she is attempting that. If any of you out there have frequent flyer miles, or bonus miles, please let me know, or if you care to donate towards the flight, you can send it to my paypal account. If none of this works, I will have to go to the truck stop and see if I can ride up with a driver, which I hope I do not have to do. The landlady said Moe was living as a Minimalist, which I thought was a very nice way to put it. The police detective supported what she has stated. She stated they had to have a professional clean-up crew come in which only cleans up after the deceased when they have been there a while. Her bed had to be removed, as were the moldy dishes.
The sister and the Probate Courts have approved Moe to come back here with me. I am having her cremated. I own my home and live in the woods.
I am almost certain the MCC Church in the area will have a member I can stay with through this process. So that will limit expenses there. I spoke with a man from their church and will call him back this week. He said they will help in any way they can. I am on an extremely fixed income so I have to do this as frugally as possible without short-changing Moe.
My Golly... Even writing this, I still get a knot in my tummy. This does not seem possible that I am making arrangements for a friend of many years, much less six years younger than I am. She was so spirited it is hard, even now, to think she is gone.
Moe's website has already been safeguarded and will remain up and intact. The only thing that will be added is her birthday and departure dates. I will be handling this as I promised Moe over the years I would take care of it. I already had the info to do so. I own a commercial server so I am moving her onto it.
So here is the first update. This whole thing was such a wake up call, my pastor and I sat down and did my will this week, along with advanced directives, power of attorneys, and durables.
Well I have to get with it for the day... I hope all of you are doing well and enjoying the Holiday Season. If it is a seaon you have a hard time with, I hope you have support or will reach out for support.
I have not much more to tell at this point. The flights are going to cost me approximately $600.00 when all is said and done. My Pastor is working on getting our church members to donate their frequent flyer miles for me to get up there. There is much I can do here while she is attempting that. If any of you out there have frequent flyer miles, or bonus miles, please let me know, or if you care to donate towards the flight, you can send it to my paypal account. If none of this works, I will have to go to the truck stop and see if I can ride up with a driver, which I hope I do not have to do. The landlady said Moe was living as a Minimalist, which I thought was a very nice way to put it. The police detective supported what she has stated. She stated they had to have a professional clean-up crew come in which only cleans up after the deceased when they have been there a while. Her bed had to be removed, as were the moldy dishes.
The sister and the Probate Courts have approved Moe to come back here with me. I am having her cremated. I own my home and live in the woods.
I am almost certain the MCC Church in the area will have a member I can stay with through this process. So that will limit expenses there. I spoke with a man from their church and will call him back this week. He said they will help in any way they can. I am on an extremely fixed income so I have to do this as frugally as possible without short-changing Moe.
My Golly... Even writing this, I still get a knot in my tummy. This does not seem possible that I am making arrangements for a friend of many years, much less six years younger than I am. She was so spirited it is hard, even now, to think she is gone.
Moe's website has already been safeguarded and will remain up and intact. The only thing that will be added is her birthday and departure dates. I will be handling this as I promised Moe over the years I would take care of it. I already had the info to do so. I own a commercial server so I am moving her onto it.
So here is the first update. This whole thing was such a wake up call, my pastor and I sat down and did my will this week, along with advanced directives, power of attorneys, and durables.
Well I have to get with it for the day... I hope all of you are doing well and enjoying the Holiday Season. If it is a seaon you have a hard time with, I hope you have support or will reach out for support.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
As we near Christmas
Well here it is, less than a week before Christmas. It has been slow getting into the Christmas Spirit, but the party at church Saturday Night rather helped some. Also, when I found the song Mary's Boy Child, that helped as well. What an awesome cut of it.
I found this Tree and I just love it. I hope I find more things that are fun like this on my pic searches over the next few days.
Pastor Sandy wants me to do a random generator with the 100 Names they Call Jesus. It finally dawned on me she would like this before Christmas. Ö¿Ö The generator has been updated to accomodate this and I will do the entries when I get home today. I am waiting to hear if she just wants the names or a leadin for the names.
I am going to spend this week trying to spend more time remembering what Christmas is about and not get caught up in the no family part of the deal... Muchless the I do not have a life partner to share it with part of the deal.
Well I have to go to Gulf Shores this morning. I may blog more when I get home.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Rough Night!!
Wow.. I feel as if a flood has hit my door... Mostly I have been wandering in and out of numbness for a few days.
Since finding about about Moe, I have cried, laughed, and sat with my feelings remembering our years together as friends. We could get into some of the worst feuds in the earlier years and eventually resolve it. In some ways, I think Moe and I taught each other forgiveness. Since 2002, we never uttered and unkind word to one another and our sisterly feuding came to a crying holt. I am so glad for that.
There was a time in our live's that what one of us did not think up to do, the other one did. Some in fun, some in gest, and some just purely as disfunctional as could be. But with the passage of time, we both grew and progressed in our healing journeys.
Some of my fun times with Moe was when I used to come through California in my big-truck and meet her somewhere. I will never forget the first time she saw me crawl out of my truck. I realize I am so tiny compared to the average driver. I used to enjoy bringing her gifts I would have purchased at various truck stops along the nation's highways. I will never forget when she first met my little Sassy Dog. She fell for her instantly and it was determined right then if anything ever happened to me, she would get Miss Sassy. I guess that won't be happening now, so I will simply have to outlive Miss Sassy.
Moe and I shared the same disease. COPD is not a fun disease to learn to manage and control. Giving up smoking is a gruelling task. I suppose I will always miss smoking. Moe tried so hard the last few months to put em down, but she simply could not do it. I cannot fault her as I know all too well how difficult it is. The VA does not award their patients the gift of Chantix. I will always wonder if she would have been successful with Chantix. I know people who had tried absolutely everything and were die hard smokers that were successful with Chantix. I believe it is my saving grace at this point. Knock on wood. Back to the VA, I have wondered if they have this secret deal whereas they do minimal treatment to get the baby boomers off the books who are on VA disability and/or retirement. Look at the money it would save the government. This is something I am wondering and have not read anywhere. So don't quote me on it; I am just in my conspiracy theorist mood tonight.
Well they added Lasix to my list of medications. I cannot believe it.. Yesterday my ex called and even though I told her I had just come from the doctor and they had added Lasix she cranked it up. Now she is a nurse!! Certainly she knows Lasix is for congestive heart related issues. And one would think she had to know one of the things my doctor said was limit the stressers in your life. Ya think? She hung up on me and then called back to apologize for being so reactionary. ummm... me thinks the word reactionary was a rather smooth way of not saying being so abusive. Reactionary is designed to put it back on me. By the end of the second conversation she became reactionary again and hung up. I don't think putting my foot down has gone over well.
My breathing is finally settling down for the time being. I am having to run the de-humidifier 24/7 and I have no idea how I am going to keep up with my electric bill in doing so. I think digesting Moe and staring at all the increased medications, I am simply overwhelmed. I am going to have to use containment and handle this a bit at a time.
As far as living life, I am going to strive to live life to its fullest and not take the time I have here for granted. I have lost so many friends, confidants, and peers over the last few years. I know none of us has forever. But I have so much I still want to do and so many things I have not been able to do. There is so much that is not finished for me yet.
Well let me try this sleep thing again... I am so tired but cannot sleep.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
No Matter What
I found this song while searching for something else on the Internet. I don't know why, really, but it spoke volumes to me. It is currently playing on my blog, but I am also linking it for when I change music on the blog. I believe what I got out of it may not be the intent of the author, but I believe this is one of those songs that can fit other scenarios as well, not to exclude oppression.
Here are the lyrics. You may click on the title to save a copy for yourself, but please be sure and source out who it belongs to.
No Matter What
Boyzone
Andrew Lloyd Webber (music)/Jim Steinman(lyrics)
No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true
No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back
I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what
If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say
No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you
What you believe is true
And I will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born
No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need
No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you
I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now
No matter what
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Abusive Relationships
Well I finally articulated everything that happened with the woman I was involved with. Rather than give a blow by blow set of events which turned out to be pages and a scroll, I have decided to summarize with the areas of the abuse cycle which resulted in the decision to remove her from my life. Actually, the specific things that happened do not need to be voiced here... What I realized in studying this topic is the cycle of abuse which happened seem to fall true from abuser to abuser. Click here or on the title and you will find a link to a pdf file I feel covers abuse cycles in same sex relationships and is about the best study I have found thus far. Additionally you see the two wheels of what a healthy relationship should and should not be. Without question, this was about power and control...
So here we go...
Physical Abuse:
She did not do anything in the criteria of actual physical abuse, but I felt it was heading this way if I did not get out.
Coercion & Threats:
- She destroyed my possessions
Intimidation:
- Scaring me with with looks
- Yelling
- Gestures
- Body Language
- Throwing Things
- Destroying Property
- Showing Up Uninvited or Unannounced
- Not honoring my desires for her not to be here at certain times
- Throwing tantrums when I tried to set boundaries
- Constantly threatening to leave if I did not let her have her own way
Emotional Abuse:
- Verbally Assaulting with insults
- Criticisms
- Name Calling
- Punishing me for making mistakes
- Professing that I was unlovable and sexually inadequate
- Ignoring my feelings, thoughts, and concerns
- Used intimate knowledge to create vulnerability
- "Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses."
Denying (all of this category found on another emotional abuse site) Most of this fit.
- Denying a person's emotional needs, especially when they feel that need the most, and done with the intent of hurting, punishing or humiliating
- The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, "I never said that," "I don't know what you're talking about," etc. You know differently.
- The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity.
Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the "silent treatment." - When the abuser disallows and overrules any viewpoints, perceptions or feelings which differ from their own.
- Denying can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.
- Denying and other forms of emotional abuse can cause you to lose confidence in your most valuable survival tool: your own mind.
Isolation:
- Attempted to control who I saw, socialized with, and talked to
- Created an exaggerated Dependency on her
Sexual Abuse:
- Attempted to make me feel bad about my sexual history
- Demeaning remarks about my sexual response levels
Economic Abuse:
- Created a situation whereas she had control of finances
- Used finances to control me, hurt me, and punish me
- Damaged Property
Entitlement:
- Treated me as inferior
- Used differences to her advantage - lack of class privilege, disability, physical ability, history of trauma.
- Almost Always came first
- Interfered with sleep
Intellectual Abuse:
- Would throw up in my face that I log and document everything
Spiritual Abuse
- Attempted to interfere with my way of studying the bible and meditations
- Attempted to control and regulate who I socialized with and sat with at church
- Refused to let me have my alone time with God & Meditations
- Attempted to dictate how I could meditate and sit with God.
There is a lot more, but this is a pretty good recap of the major things. It did not take me long to get my belly full and I got out from under it. The article I linked this title to is a great one on same sex abusive relationships.
I know I was afraid of her and felt like I was walking on eggshells. No matter how carefully I would word things not to set her off, she would ignite anyway.
This started early in when it should have been the honeymoon period.
Had I stuck to my guns and gone with the one year rule, I could have spared myself a lot of misery and pain. I was warned by my therapist and pastor not to allow this to move so quickly. I allowed myself to be manipulated and it moved more quickly than I had hoped it would. This is an area I definately have to work on.
This woman is a psych nurse and I believe she has the tools and skills to manipulate me and misused her expertise. Without question she had to be an authority figure; Power and Control is important to her.
One of the reasons I opted not to put blow by blow details here, is this is how I set myself up for getting into this mess in the first place. She had studied my writings and had plenty to work with in knowing what is important to me and the things that bothered me, as well as my likes and dislikes. Initially she came across as caring and attentative.
The positive is I saw this for what it was early in. Even then, it took time to go through the cycle of realization and exactly how I should handle it. I kept hoping it would get better, but it did not.
While not all areas of any of the emotional and verbal abuse articles applied here, many did. I was actually surprised to see how many.
I think one thing that same sex partners go through that hetero partners are not up against is there are less laws to protect them both physically and financially. I have not studied up on adding people with disabilities vs emotional and verbal abuse. I would imagine there are additional vulnerabilities in this area.
I hope this helps others who run across this in blog world and cyber-space to know they are not alone. What I have learned from this is not standing up for myself was about fear of what they could do next and how it would effect my life. The reality is once they do whatever it is they are going to do, they can never hurt you in these ways again. At some point it will exhaust itself.
Here's To Striving For Healthy Relationships & Friendships!
Monday, December 03, 2007
Well Today is Another Day!!
Wow!! The last few days have been something. Contacting people I had never talked to, or had not talked to in years was kind of scary actually. I tried to sound confident, but I truly did not feel all that confident.Actually, I have a sense of peace that is coming over me. The turmoil I was feeling seems to be subsiding. Much has gone on the last few months, and some if it seems not so bad today.
Today, it was a good day in many ways. My Pastor spoiled me and I got to spend some time with her over at the church. I have not been able to spend time with her in a very long time. Her administrative assistant pampered me and spoiled me with a computer that is in like new condition to aid me in the work I do on the church website. She was very bubbly and you could tell she was tickled for me. If I lived in town and worked in the church office, I would not need my own updated machine as they would provide it. God has a way of taking care of all of our needs. I need to send a regular card to the member who gave this machine to me. How wonderful of her.
It is always a plus to go into the church office and see my assistant there. She is always so positive and upbeat. She does an awesome job and sometimes I think I should validate her more. Perhaps I am taking her too much for granted these days. I don't want to do that. One thing I have learned for certain with Moe, is we never know how many days, months, or years we have to let people know how much we value them and how much we love them.
I also enjoyed seeing the head of our Care team while I was there. She does so much for the church and those who are struggling in the world. One of my friends was there, but I did not get to visit with her as much as I would like to have. I will catch up with her later.
Before I found out about Moe Bear, I was getting ready to address the woman I was in a relationship with for a limited time and set some boundaries. I had begun to articulate all that happened in such a short time. I am going to step away from it for a few more days to make sure what I am feeling and what I see is not clouded by the events which have occurred over the last few days. One thing I can say, is we as survivors must be careful with our hearts. This does not mean close our hearts... Just be more careful. We did not learn how to say no and set boundaries as children and I believe it leaves us as targets both financially and emotionally as adults. I was emotionally and verbally battered by this woman who is a mental health professional. The damage she has done emotionally and verbally, and the impact on my income will be felt for at least 2 years. A good lesson, and hopefully a final lesson, on meeting people online. I am still articulating what has occurred here in written form and may blog it here. I won't be using any names when I do. But again, please be careful with your hearts if you have survived trauma. There are those out there who will be more than happy to misuse your trust in them. This woman told me I would never have to keep my guard up; in reality I was never able to take it down. The good news is I did not stay immersed in this for several years and I got out quickly. I once asked her if her daughters husband were to treat her the way she was treating me, would she tolerate it. She said no.
Well I stepped back from this for a few days, and will step back for a few days more.
On a separate note. While I was talking to Wolf on the phone, my car started sounding just awful. I thought I had thrown a rod and so did Wolf. He could here it loudly. What it turned out to be is 4 out of 5 lug nut studs had sheered. I was about to lose a wheel and did not even know it. I turned around and brought it home and parked it. I took off in my van instead. My wonderful neighbors fixed it for me today.
I will keep everyone posted to any updates I have regarding Moe. I do know Moe did not pass away from foul play or suicide. They believe she died from complications of COPD. I concur, as I heard how badly her cough was the last night we spoke, and I know she had been put on oxygen in recent months. They will be giving the official date of death as the date they pronounced her dead. I did not realize it works that way. Had there been foul play it would have played out differently.
Lets see. Not much more to tell, other than my puppy dogs were glad to see me when I got home.
Ya Think?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
In Memory of Maureen O'Brien - Moe
I am pretty earth shaken right now. I lost a dear friend. She passed away sometime in the last month in her apartment. They did not find her until today. I began to worry about her as I had not heard from her and she had not returned my phone calls in the last few weeks. I began to push aggressively to find her by calling the VA Hospital, along with the police department, and a reverse search to find her apartment manager and neighbors on the Internet. It was eating at me and this is what I spent Thanksgiving Day doing.
The police went into her apartment this morning and found her. Both the police department and the apartment manager called me this morning. They will update me accordingly. The police detective wants me to pin a date when I last heard from her as closely as I can. This tells me she has been gone a while and they are trying to determine how long. The last time I spoke to Moe was on October 12th a little after 7:00 pm.
Her name was Maureen O’Brien and she was a war vet who was a 100% military disabled war veteran. She ran to the beat of a different drum, which often left her misunderstood and alone in many ways. I don’t know that she had family. I wish I could have done more sooner.
Please pray for all people who are alone in the world in memory of Moe. It breaks my heart to believe she is that alone in the world, or anyone has to be that alone in the world. I was her emergency contact. It saddens me that the only people she had in her life were those of us who were so far away, yet I am glad she had us to hang onto. Nobody should have to die alone and spend the better part of a month in an apartment where they are not missed by those in their own community, family, or loved ones.
My consolation is she is at peace now and is not suffering anymore. I know God is taking care of her and she is being loved as a whole and healed person.
I am crying. Thanks for listening.
The police went into her apartment this morning and found her. Both the police department and the apartment manager called me this morning. They will update me accordingly. The police detective wants me to pin a date when I last heard from her as closely as I can. This tells me she has been gone a while and they are trying to determine how long. The last time I spoke to Moe was on October 12th a little after 7:00 pm.
Her name was Maureen O’Brien and she was a war vet who was a 100% military disabled war veteran. She ran to the beat of a different drum, which often left her misunderstood and alone in many ways. I don’t know that she had family. I wish I could have done more sooner.
Please pray for all people who are alone in the world in memory of Moe. It breaks my heart to believe she is that alone in the world, or anyone has to be that alone in the world. I was her emergency contact. It saddens me that the only people she had in her life were those of us who were so far away, yet I am glad she had us to hang onto. Nobody should have to die alone and spend the better part of a month in an apartment where they are not missed by those in their own community, family, or loved ones.
My consolation is she is at peace now and is not suffering anymore. I know God is taking care of her and she is being loved as a whole and healed person.
I am crying. Thanks for listening.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thanksgiving is Upon Us!!
Well here we are with Thanksgiving upon us. I have been sitting here thinking about what all I have to be thankful for and actually came up with a few things. So here are some of them. Although my lungs did not come out really good, there was an improvement in the expansion. My LDL on my cholesterol is still 198, but can be worked on. The margins for cancer have come out clear in all areas, so that is a plus.
I sold my old Van for more than I thought I would get, considering I did not even advertise it for sale. So that was nice. I sold some other things here at the house, and the people who bought them called me today and told me they found $100.00 in one of my books and are mailing me a money order for it, so that is a plus and refreshing to know there are actually honest people left in this world. It came at a very good time. I remember putting it in that book 3 years ago and then dismissed it from my mind.
I have a newer van that runs great that cost me $175.00 in reality. It is VERY NICE. And, my neighbor came over and fixed my Geo Tracker, which would most likely have sat another six months. All I had to pay for was parts.
Then there is my neighbors!! They are wonderful. They have shown me so much love and kindness since I have been here. They are just down to earth folks.
Last but not least I got a new pal in my house. Her name is Annie. She is about 6 or 7 pounds and is a miniature rat terrier. She is so full of personality and has brought so much life into my home. She is a keeper.
Sunday I was able to go to church, which I have not been able to do between work and my car being down. I truly needed to go and was thankful I was able to go.
While I am not rich, and I still struggle financially at times, the abundance has been plentiful. In less than a year, I have met so many people... Some I like more than others, but I am not alone out here like I anticipated. I read this so wrong... It has been a gift; A gift from God that I truly was not expecting.
Then there is my home... Once again I have so much to be thankful for... I am thankful for all who helped me make it habitable. The cosmetics can come as I am able. When I was coming here, I had one van that was on its last legs and no furniture. Today I have two solid vehicles, a 14 foot Big Tex trailer, a washer and dryer, a fridge, a loveseat that is comfortable and nice looking, a queen sized bed that is comfortable, and air equipment to work on my house with. This is all in a year. Much of it was God looking after me.
All of my needs are met. I may not have much, if any left over most months, but I am well cared for. ALL in less than a year. I cannot believe it sometimes and have to pinch myself.
The friends department is still a matter of sorting and hanging onto the keepers. But there are keepers. I have learned it does not matter if they are straight or? What is important is they are down to earth and real.
I am truly grateful and blessed.
Ya Think?
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Cry The Beloved Country by Alan Paton
I sometimes watch Encore. They have a channel that is devoted to Black films. I love Black films. I could not sleep early this morning so I got up and watched Cry The Beloved Country. It was wonderful. There were several quotes in this film that stood out, but the one that stood out the most was...
"For it is the dawn that has come, as it has come for a thousand centuries, never failing. But when that dawn will come, of our emancipation, from the fear of bondage and the bondage of fear, why, that is a secret."
Anyway if you have a chance to see it, and you are into this type of film, I believe you will enjoy it.
"For it is the dawn that has come, as it has come for a thousand centuries, never failing. But when that dawn will come, of our emancipation, from the fear of bondage and the bondage of fear, why, that is a secret."
Anyway if you have a chance to see it, and you are into this type of film, I believe you will enjoy it.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Betty Butterfield goes to the jehovah's witnesses and MCC
Please click on the above link to see the above video Betty Buterfield goes to the Jehovah's Wintesses and MCC.
I don't know why I appreciated this video, but I truly do... There info about the Jehovah's witnesses was pretty accurate from what I have seen from those I have known in my life who are either Jehovah's, or once were.
And I think it goes without saying how I feel about my denomination, MCC... I think I will start following Betty's videos and see what she has to say about other churches.
I don't know why I appreciated this video, but I truly do... There info about the Jehovah's witnesses was pretty accurate from what I have seen from those I have known in my life who are either Jehovah's, or once were.
And I think it goes without saying how I feel about my denomination, MCC... I think I will start following Betty's videos and see what she has to say about other churches.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Most Popular Blogs Here
There are three of my blog entries which have been heavily hit all around the world. Some by Google and some by direct links off the sites of others.
Those three are:
Those three are:
I have learned much from the article on the Drama Triangle and it has helped me immensely. It has been interesting how people all over the world are looking for more info on this topic.
The Dash Poem too has helped me. I truly am making efforts to spend my dash more wisely. This too has had inquiries worldwide.
Rev Troy Perry will always be a positive force in my life, and I am sure the life of many others. I am glad people are still interested in what Troy is doing.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
God is Good!!
I have not blogged much lately. Things have been good for a while. I cannot complain... Not having a g/f has turned out to be a plus for me. I like it much better this way. A woman I have known for many years contacted me yesterday and the conversation went something like this...
caller: I have been thinking about moving to Alabama
me: Why?
caller: Well I think I would be better off living a ways out of my community.
me: Oh
Caller: You would not consider selling me part of your property would you.
me: NOPE!
caller: Are there any other fixer uppers in the area?
me: Don't know
Caller: Are you with anybody?
me: NO! And I don't want to be! I am soooo done with that chapter....
I think you get the idea... One thing is clear for me... I am in no hurry to nestle...
I had problems with my vehicles recently.... Both the van and the car were down and within 3 hours I was in a nicer vehicle than the other two combined. God is Good!!
My tower croaked but my brother in law got me a new external hard drive to back up data in the future. 380 Gigs!! Once again, God is good... I will miss the data I lost, but I am going to hang onto the hard drive until I can go to a data recovery place and get it back.
I think the biggest gift I have been giving follows this following story. When I moved up here I had quit... I moved up here in a mode where I was not going to fight life anymore. What I did not realize is what I had done was let go and let God. I have never been shown so much love and respect in my life. My neighbors are awesome and have been such a positive force in my life. It is great because it is a give and take friendship. Actually, they said the other day they consider me family at this point. To know me is to know I have long since grieved for the loss of having a family. Well Hal is definitely family, but outside of him I have been pretty much on my own for quite some time.
A couple of weeks ago Bea told me to come in the office to have my picture taken at church. She forgot to mention the part that this was a video and I was going to have to talk. Boy was it awkward... But actually, I was proud to find out that I am now in the Counsel of Ministries. I hope I can continue to live up to the title and will always do all I can to be a positive force in my church. Once again, God is so Good when I look at how I left Corpus Christi. I think that was an era of learning in my life.
I don't know what I am doing for Thanksgiving yet as gas prices are so high I don't believe I will be able to go to Pensacola. I would suspect it will work itself out.
Guess I will close for now...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I made the best rump roast yesterday!!
To Know me is to know my love for my Showtime Rotisserie by Popeil. It is awesome!!!
Regardless if you have the Showtime or not, you can still make a wonderful roast using an injector.
Well I was over at I believe Dollar General and bought a bottle of Spice Select Minced Garlic.
Well then a few days later Winn Dixie had Rump Roast on sale. If you bought one you get one free. So I bought 2 4.5 lb roasts.
I was truly needing some comfort food and wanted to make sure I cooked my roast just so so. I cannot afford to get meat of that quality often. First I thought about a Pot Roast, which I have a wonderful recipe for and then thought about my Showtime. I went and got the injector out and picked various places to inject the spiced garlic in the roast I added a little bit of steak rub on it and put it in the rotisserie. When Popeil says set it and forget it they are not kidding. Anyway depending on how rare or well done you want it is how long you cook it.
Enjoy
Ya Think!!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
How to build a nebulizer for Animal Care
I have actually had requests for how to build a nebulizer for animal care. Click on the above title for a great how to guide for this.
For anyone who raises pets, small livestock, or any small animal this is a must have!! I am going to build one so I will have it on hand.
For those of you who build one for your pets, it would be great if you will email the author of the article and let them know it worked and how much you appreciate the time they took to make this available to you.
For anyone who raises pets, small livestock, or any small animal this is a must have!! I am going to build one so I will have it on hand.
For those of you who build one for your pets, it would be great if you will email the author of the article and let them know it worked and how much you appreciate the time they took to make this available to you.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Amber's Story
I watched Amber's Story on Lifetime Television last night. First, I want to express what a Phenomenal Woman Amber's mother Donna is. The time, dedication, and courage for her to resolve her anguish by the means of the greater good touches my heart. Her dedication will make a difference in the outcome and the lives of many in the years to come.
This movie brought me back to a time so long ago; A time I wish had never occurred and wish I could find a way to tuck it neatly in my forgotten file, leaving me the option not to have to relive the memories and the pain.
When I was approximately 27 years old, one of my employee's little girl was abducted. If Amber Alert had been in place then, the odds of having gotten Tara back in the first few hours would have increased immensely. Watching this movie had me wondering how many things would have been different for Tara, her family, and all of us who were closely connected to the family.
I will never forget the gruelling investigation. The family, and anyone who is close to the family is automatically a suspect in a kidnapping. It was a horrible feeling to not know where Tara was, much less being polygraphed by the FBI. Investigation tactics are nasty. These tactics destroy friendships and families at a time the bonds between friends and family are most important. The investigators do not care who they hurt during an investigation. There is no room for balance between compassion and finding an abducted child. This is another nice thing about Amber Alert; The Amber Alert System does not get caught up in familiy and friend dynamics; Nor does it get caught up in statistics that state most abductions are done by a family member or someone who knows the family. Tara's was a stranger abduction and statistics got in the way of the investigation of Tara back in the 80's. To have found Tara in those first few hours not only would have changed the outcome of Tara's life, but the lives of all those who knew her, cared about her, and loved her.
Ten and a half months later Tara came home. Her life altered forever. She had lived life disguised as a little boy in a beat up van on the streets of San Francisco. She left knowing one persons name at 2 1/2 years old and came back with an x-rated vocabulary at 3 years of age. I think the rest of what occurred goes without saying. It took much counseling for her to be able to find her way in the world. Without question, Amber Alert could have altered much of what happened to Tara. Some say Tara was one of the lucky ones, as she lived. I have fought with that one long and hard... 10 1/2 months of the type of abuse Tara suffered is far from luck.. Don't get me wrong here... I am grateful they found Tara alive.. I just have trouble defining luck when it comes to this topic.
Thank you Donna and all those who worked with you to make the Amber Alert what it is today.
Ya Think!!
Living With COPD
It took me a long time to admit, much less start dealing with the fact I have COPD. I finally came clean with my doctors, instead of spending hours before I go to the doctor regulating my breathing. I am sure they are smart enough to know I was hiding in my own denial.
Please click on the above title to read up on how to manage your life with COPD. It has a lot of useful information on it. I cannot say one word about denial, as I have lived with my own denial, but I will suggest anyone dx'ed with this disease be open and honest with their doctors. I am on a nebulizer (breathing machine) every 4 hours. I think about how long I suffered because I was closet about my COPD.
Nuff Said
Ya Think!!
Please click on the above title to read up on how to manage your life with COPD. It has a lot of useful information on it. I cannot say one word about denial, as I have lived with my own denial, but I will suggest anyone dx'ed with this disease be open and honest with their doctors. I am on a nebulizer (breathing machine) every 4 hours. I think about how long I suffered because I was closet about my COPD.
Nuff Said
Ya Think!!
Wonder if I will ever get the timing down pat?
Ecclesiastes 3:1-9
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, an time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew,
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, an time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew,
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see. This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. Now, it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.
~~Happy Fall
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Will be out of pocket for a couple of more weeks
I know I have not been blogging much, but I have had a lot on my plate. I figure about 2 more weeks and I will be able to blog again.
Much is going on... Working on my home... And making necessary adjustments for a relationship which did not work out. I have come to the conclusion I won't be so quick to get involved with someone I have met on the internet... I won't say never cuz that always gets me in trouble... However I will definately go about things slower and follow the guidelines my pastor suggests in the future. I need to figure out how twice in a row I have managed to get involved with someone who is still emotionally attached to their ex and not emotionally available. Now the new rule for me is... If their ex is even remotely in their life, and I mean as much as microscopically, I will walk the other way and vote with my feet. I think that is why they say not to get with someone on the rebound... Unless of course I am picking emotionally unavailable people because it is safe, as I cannot possibly build a healthy relationship with someone who is in love with someone else. This is something I truly need to look at. At any rate, I sure wish I would have listened to my therapist and counselor.
There are many positive things going on in my life and I am treating this as a positive. I am enjoying having my home back and being able to work on it. I have to go slow because of my arms, but I am making progress. I need to get brave and tackle my kitchen sink. I miss it. :-D
Well, my van crapped out. I loved that van. In reality though, for myself I don't trust socking more money into it. I have my little Geo Tracker, but it decided to take a dump too. Hope it is something minor on it. The good news is I got a very nice van last night. I will sell my old van in 'as is' condition and take that money to fix the Tracker.
I took my new van to Pensacola this afternoon and it was a nice ride. It need little things, but the engine, transmission, drive train, and rear end seem to be fine. The cruise control is nice, because I won't be putting my foot off and on the peddle so much.
More Later...
Ya Think!!
Much is going on... Working on my home... And making necessary adjustments for a relationship which did not work out. I have come to the conclusion I won't be so quick to get involved with someone I have met on the internet... I won't say never cuz that always gets me in trouble... However I will definately go about things slower and follow the guidelines my pastor suggests in the future. I need to figure out how twice in a row I have managed to get involved with someone who is still emotionally attached to their ex and not emotionally available. Now the new rule for me is... If their ex is even remotely in their life, and I mean as much as microscopically, I will walk the other way and vote with my feet. I think that is why they say not to get with someone on the rebound... Unless of course I am picking emotionally unavailable people because it is safe, as I cannot possibly build a healthy relationship with someone who is in love with someone else. This is something I truly need to look at. At any rate, I sure wish I would have listened to my therapist and counselor.
There are many positive things going on in my life and I am treating this as a positive. I am enjoying having my home back and being able to work on it. I have to go slow because of my arms, but I am making progress. I need to get brave and tackle my kitchen sink. I miss it. :-D
Well, my van crapped out. I loved that van. In reality though, for myself I don't trust socking more money into it. I have my little Geo Tracker, but it decided to take a dump too. Hope it is something minor on it. The good news is I got a very nice van last night. I will sell my old van in 'as is' condition and take that money to fix the Tracker.
I took my new van to Pensacola this afternoon and it was a nice ride. It need little things, but the engine, transmission, drive train, and rear end seem to be fine. The cruise control is nice, because I won't be putting my foot off and on the peddle so much.
More Later...
Ya Think!!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The Three Question Personality Test
| Your Personality Is |
 You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. |
Results for My Three Question Personality Test
| Your Personality Is |
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. |
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Computer Crash
HMPH!!! Last night was a very scary night. I had a computer crash with a screen that come up and said I needed to mount my C drive. But every indicator was my C drive was there. XP would load just to a certain point and then would not go any further and would go back to the prompt screen. I tried booting in safe mode... NOPE .. it would not do it. I tried to boot with the last known functioning configuration. NOPE... would not do that either. I called Gardenia and remained calm considering all. She is having probs with hers so she could not look things up on the web for me to find out what the scoop was.
Finally I started digging through disks that have been shuffled between Corpus Christi and here. Thank Gawd I still had em, along with my Microsoft Office Professional. I had feared they may have become someone elses property through the shuffle. Well, I found the Operation systems disk and finally was able to get to the DOS commands by booting off the CD instead of windows. I ran chkdsk twice and after that I was thinking next I would have to use fixboot, but did not have to push it that far. Who says DOS is obsolete? Under the hood of every OS is DOS on a PC running quietly in the background.
Anyway, the moral of this story is treat your operating disks the same as you would your will or any other important papers. I am glad I am back up running.
Thanks Gardenia for trying to help me.... I do think this was a virus, but have not narrowed it down as to the source of it.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Puppet Master Defined in Laymans Terms
In layman's terms a Puppet Master stays in the background and pushes buttons and pulls strings. Those watching this trickery are not supposed to be able to detect the Puppet Master is doing all the talking. They are an expert at what they do.
Have you ever had a Puppet Master pass through your life? I believe we all have experienced it on one level or the other. In real life, Puppeteers have the ability to push buttons, pull strings, and others are doing their talking for them...
I fell prey to a Human Puppet Master and the Puppets On The Strings are still being manipulated by the Puppet Master who now lives in Louisiana. What I realized when I came to this analogy is for a good share of the time I too was one of the Puppets On A String being manipulated by the Puppet Master for several months. Tiz odd... Sometimes you have to back away from things to see them.
The Puppet Master, who moved to Louisiana is still manipulating her puppets. The puppets are still trying so hard to please their master. When I chose to take up a new occupation and retire from being a puppet on a string, the Puppet Master had her primary puppet and secondary puppet do her dirty deeds for her. I guess in theraputic terms this would be referred to as Triangles.
I guess it is part of living life outside of a bubble to run into folks like I delt with the last year, but you know... I have met very few over the years that equate to what I experienced and continue to experience from those below the I-10. I am sure they were around me in the world, but am glad these types of people were not a part of my life...
Monday, August 06, 2007
Just Because.....
"Just because your heart wants it to be does not mean it can ever be so..."
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
by Rosemarie Crisafi
Mother looks away.
Hubble captures a lotus in a square with four gates.
Father stands in a doorway.
A cosmic clock ticks in an archway,
Membrane tears as his stare penetrates.
Mother looks away.
Hubble detects the dark hole in the Milky Way.
Inside a ghost awaits.
Father stands in a doorway
On a world faraway,
A clock tossed, spins; a face rotates.
Mother looks away.
Footsteps approach in the hallway.
In casement, camera flashes, imprinting plates.
Father stands in a doorway.
Bronze statue blocks the way.
Chemicals release as she waits
Mother looks away.
Father stands in a doorway.
Copyright © 2004, Rosemarie Crisafi
Deep Dark Hole - Click Here
I am in a deep dark hole
........No Top
...............No Bottom
.....................No Sides
......................... Reaching Out For Solid Matter
................................Nothings There
~~Anne Woodbury 1967
Progress on the Kitchen Cabinets
If you remember the old pictures of the kitchen, this is quite an improvement. I hired Jes from church to come in and help me with the parts my arms would not allow me to do alone. I suspect with two perfect arms I still would have needed help, since it took both Jes and I to put the counter where it goes. I think the most scarey part was watching Jes cut the hole for the sink.
I still have to do the plumbing, which should take about 2 hours worth of work.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Home For The Holidays
Click On Title To Hear Music
I just watched this wonderful movie called Home For The Holidays. The gist of the movie was three children's parents were killed in an accident, leaving the task of creating a new family to their aunt. Their aunt was more than willing to undertake this challenge, only to find obstacles within the the bureaucratic system, which is called our government who cannot function outside the dots. The Act of Eminent Domain took their home via the power company. The aunt moved the children into her home. CPS deemed the home unfit, as it was too small and gave the aunt 5 days to find suitable housing.
I believe we all like winners that overcome obstacles. The aunt came up with an idea and of course the community was given the opportunity to make it happen. The aunt realized the Power Company wanted the land, but planned to demolish the home. So she very cleverly found a way to get the home moved, only displacing the children from their land.
This is actually one of the more clever plots I have seen and did not realize this is where it was going. The aunt, being the protagonist of the film never gave up hope and would not take no for answers. A trait and quality I find in real life as well. She took a half empty glass and surpassed the half full mark with her creativity and determination.
In the end, even the head of Social Services and the antagonist of the film, found in the families favor. These types of Polyanna movies still bring tears to my eyes when I watch them.. I guess I still have a little Polyanna in there somewhere..
Well I am off to take a nap. I hope all of you are having a splendid 4th of July.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
1 Corinthians 13: 1-13
Please click on the above title for the flash presentation of this. This is awesome. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 has always been one of my Bible Favorites.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Healthy Relationships
Well I have been given an assignment. I am not going to go into all the assignment here, but will start it all the same. My 'T' and I were talking about healthy relationships today. I was scoffing over the last one and how it made me feel to have been lured in and shelved. She asked how many things do I see parallel in more than one relationship that I am and am not comfortable with. hmmmm!!!!! Anyway later I was given an assignment... I found this following over at Wiki-Help and thought I would share it here. It is pretty good, and I actually found several things that seem to bleed from one relationship to the next.This is not laying out well as far as layout, so I have also added the link to the title if you click on it so you can read it there. I am supposed to research several authors articles on healthy relationships to get a cross sampling, but this is the first one I have run across that I could relate to some of it.
- Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Being happy is your own job and you are the only person that can do it. Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. The truth is that no one has the ability to make another person happy,
but often we can share in another’s happiness. Make yourself happy first, and then share your happiness with your partner. - Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work.
- Tell the unarguable truth. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection in a relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. Withholding the truth also constitutes telling a lie. Here are some examples of telling the unarguable truth: "I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at
the party or at school," "I feel angry when you hang up on me," "I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me." - Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal
relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings. - Make and keep clear agreements. For example, if you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them.
Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety. - Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about how you might do it differently next time. If you are
unhappy in your relationship, get curious about how this situation is similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner. - Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.
- Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything so tell her or him you love him and that you don't want to argue but talk and make it better.
- Review your expectations. Make sure you don't try to make your partner fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work--and will create derailments.
- Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a relationship. You can't have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say "If you loved me, you would...." They argue to hear the other say "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.
Tips
- The idea of "unarguable truth" is a stretch (not to be confused with facts). Every person has a relative truth based on their individual experience and perception. A statement such as, "I felt scared when I saw you talking to her" is a statement of fact, not truth. This is an example of a "feeling statement", which is
different, and its impact is significant. - It is not necessarily a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. "Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and "do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, "I don't think those pants look good on you" is a helpful question, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".
- Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
- Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
- Portions of this article are based on the works of Dr. Gay and Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks.
- All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe that they are losing respect for you, then consider rebuilding the respect immediately.
- Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship so try and call your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.
- Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender; just keep flirting out of the friendship.
- Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner.
- Be the first to tell your partner what is on your mind either positive or negative. Address what your plan is to remedy it. Playing guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and confusion.
Where Is *Yonder*?
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616).
adv.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
adj.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
One that is at an indicated place, usually within sight.
[Middle English, from yond, yond.
REGIONAL NOTE
The adverb yonder, from Old English geond, is not exclusively Southern but is more frequently used there than in any other region of the United States, and not only by older or uneducated speakers. Yonder is not merely a Southern synonym for there, which in the South tends to mean “only a few feet from the speaker.” Yonder carries with it an inherent sense of distance farther than “there” and is used if the person or thing indicated can be seen: the shed over yonder. Or it might be nearby but completely out of sight, as in the next room.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Flowers For Algernon
Over the years I have somewhat paralleled my life with the Movie Flowers for Algernon, formerly put out as Charlie in the 1970’s. I ask myself why this rings true for me… Not sure I can really write about this really, but will give it my best shot.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
In the end, Charlie was no longer the brilliant man he once was. The end of the original movie showed Charlie sitting on the same swing in his same mental retarted mode the movie began with. I wonder if Charlie would change the small morsel of being less different if he could have? But was he really less different? Different is different!! Regardless if it is generated by brilliance or retardation, or various degrees inbetween.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Words that soak in your ears are whispered, not yelled...
Please click on the above Title to download the power point presentation on this. Or you can click here. I have not been able to go completely through the whole powerpoint yet, but I have a hunch this is one of those I will find something new and profound every single time I do. It is thought provoking, will help you challenge yourself in a positive light if you can keep your mind open, and truly can enrich the quality of communication in all of our lives... Regardless if it is on an inner-personal level, at work, in board meetings, or on a spiritual level such as church.There is an upcoming series at Holy Cross MCC in Pensacola on Forgiveness and I was looking online reading up on both forgiveness and anger. I hope you will appreciate this as much as I do. I would say enjoy, but there are things in there that made me have to look at myself closely and made me a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps it can help all who study it to enjoy the quality of their communication skills a bit more later.
