Welcome To A Road Less Traveled

Wow!! The last few days have been something. Contacting people I had never talked to, or had not talked to in years was kind of scary actually. I tried to sound confident, but I truly did not feel all that confident.

Actually, I have a sense of peace that is coming over me. The turmoil I was feeling seems to be subsiding. Much has gone on the last few months, and some if it seems not so bad today.

Today, it was a good day in many ways. My Pastor spoiled me and I got to spend some time with her over at the church. I have not been able to spend time with her in a very long time. Her administrative assistant pampered me and spoiled me with a computer that is in like new condition to aid me in the work I do on the church website. She was very bubbly and you could tell she was tickled for me. If I lived in town and worked in the church office, I would not need my own updated machine as they would provide it. God has a way of taking care of all of our needs. I need to send a regular card to the member who gave this machine to me. How wonderful of her.

It is always a plus to go into the church office and see my assistant there. She is always so positive and upbeat. She does an awesome job and sometimes I think I should validate her more. Perhaps I am taking her too much for granted these days. I don't want to do that. One thing I have learned for certain with Moe, is we never know how many days, months, or years we have to let people know how much we value them and how much we love them.

I also enjoyed seeing the head of our Care team while I was there. She does so much for the church and those who are struggling in the world. One of my friends was there, but I did not get to visit with her as much as I would like to have. I will catch up with her later.

Before I found out about Moe Bear, I was getting ready to address the woman I was in a relationship with for a limited time and set some boundaries. I had begun to articulate all that happened in such a short time. I am going to step away from it for a few more days to make sure what I am feeling and what I see is not clouded by the events which have occurred over the last few days. One thing I can say, is we as survivors must be careful with our hearts. This does not mean close our hearts... Just be more careful. We did not learn how to say no and set boundaries as children and I believe it leaves us as targets both financially and emotionally as adults. I was emotionally and verbally battered by this woman who is a mental health professional. The damage she has done emotionally and verbally, and the impact on my income will be felt for at least 2 years. A good lesson, and hopefully a final lesson, on meeting people online. I am still articulating what has occurred here in written form and may blog it here. I won't be using any names when I do. But again, please be careful with your hearts if you have survived trauma. There are those out there who will be more than happy to misuse your trust in them. This woman told me I would never have to keep my guard up; in reality I was never able to take it down. The good news is I did not stay immersed in this for several years and I got out quickly. I once asked her if her daughters husband were to treat her the way she was treating me, would she tolerate it. She said no.

Well I stepped back from this for a few days, and will step back for a few days more.

On a separate note. While I was talking to Wolf on the phone, my car started sounding just awful. I thought I had thrown a rod and so did Wolf. He could here it loudly. What it turned out to be is 4 out of 5 lug nut studs had sheered. I was about to lose a wheel and did not even know it. I turned around and brought it home and parked it. I took off in my van instead. My wonderful neighbors fixed it for me today.

I will keep everyone posted to any updates I have regarding Moe. I do know Moe did not pass away from foul play or suicide. They believe she died from complications of COPD. I concur, as I heard how badly her cough was the last night we spoke, and I know she had been put on oxygen in recent months. They will be giving the official date of death as the date they pronounced her dead. I did not realize it works that way. Had there been foul play it would have played out differently.

Lets see. Not much more to tell, other than my puppy dogs were glad to see me when I got home.

Ya Think?