Welcome To A Road Less Traveled

Well here it is New Years Eve Day. I have been listing what I need to do in order to enhance my life in 2007. First, however, I have been sitting here and listing all that was important to me which occurred in 2006. I have been studying which decisions I made that were effective, which were not effective, and how I could have made better choices. I have been taking inventory of how I was accountable both on the successes and the failures.

Some of the things I have thought about is what in my personality attracts positive people. Yet what other parts of my personality attract negative people. What can I do in 2007 to detour unhealthy people from my life and attract healthy people.

One thing I realized I have been doing the past few years is I got in a rut and was afraid to take any risks. My life stagnated as a result and was going nowhere fast. Having stepped outside that safety zone, I have been able to move to a part of the country which is more condusive to the type of things I enjoy doing and more me. I have also been able to purchase a home. Hence; If I do not risk in my life it will not go forward in a healthy direction and I will short-change my experiences in the world.

Part of my 2007 decision is to let past heartaches and failures go. Some were extremely long lived and I need to let them be a vague memory that does not dictate my life or hinder my life.

As far as having a life partner I actually let someone in my life after seven years and terminated the relationship as we knew it a few days ago. I still am open to having a life partner, but I do not need one to be complete, fulfilled, or happy. Next time I will give it a longer time to be sure they are what I really want.

Another thing I am working on and learning is in my business affairs is to ask questions and research first in order to make informed and stable decisions. This will serve me a lot better than whining over the surprises that show up as a result of not asking.

My goals for 2007 are to finish getting my degree, get my property fixed up, add more avenues for my spiritual life, and to do one fun thing a week away from the house.

I can honestly say this is one of the best Christmas Days I have had in a very long time. I was blessed with spending the day with my cousin and her family. I was nervous and apprehensive when it was about time to leave my home to go to their home. Once I got there everything was great. They are such kind and caring people.

During this portion of Christmas it has had me take a hard look at what Christmas is truly about. At one point during the Holidays I remember hearing the old story about Santa Claus and his gifting would be regulated by which children had been naughty or nice. It suddenly occurred to me what a message this gives to children who are less fortunate to see other children who are more fortunate to receive in such abundance. With that I began to explore what Christmas really means and how we could get the true meaning of the holidays back irrespective of cultural differences or religious preferences.

I am new to the area I live so I do not know who the seniors/disabled people are in the area I live. This is the first year in a few years I have not prepared a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for a few seniors/disabled people that were homebound. I miss that. I promised myself that next year I will resume doing this again. It feels so good to see someone so happy that they were thought of. I have considered adding someone next year that others tend to shy away from for being different than others as well.

Well I had a great Holiday and want to remind myself to love others and be there for others througout the coming year.

For those who pass through here, I hope you had a wonderful Holiday Season thus far. Regardless of your religious beliefs, know there are others out there who care about who you are.

Well here it is less than a week before Christmas. While I am enjoying moving forward and away from where I lived, I am actually missing the Christmas dinner at various restaurants I had the last few years with my friends in Corpus Christi. I miss Taz and her laughter and jokes. I miss her a lot, but this time of year especially. I miss seeing the crafts TC created for her friends over the year. She was so creative and talented. There was always something special about the two hours we spent at our yearly dinner.

This year is a different year and while I won't have a tree this year I have so many blessings in my life to be thankful for. I am enjoying my new friends I am making and that is a Christmas blessing all in itself.

This will be the first year in many years I have been able to spend Christmas Day with relatives. I am excited about being able to spend the afternoon with a relative I care much for and the rest of her family. I will be spending the morning with my girlfriend and then head on over the bridge. I have not invited her to go with me and feel a bit selfish about it, but I really need to be able to do this on my own. Don't know why really, but it is important to me.

I have been looking over the year at many blessings. It was a pretty rocky year in some ways, but it held so many gifts... Friends who loved me enough to help me pack and get this far east on the Gulf Coast... Renewed hope that my right arm can be fixed... And gratefulness that my left arm is now pain free for the most part and almost totally functional. I have a church I love very much and a congregation within that church that has embraced my transition down here. I have my new home and am looking forward to working on it. While my belongings are scattered hither here and yen right now, I am grateful I have a place to scatter them.

While I did not put up a tree, I have hundreds of southern pines surrounding me and that is gift enough. I still have to finish my Christmas shopping and will go sometime this afternoon.

Well I have to go to Daphne today and do my pre-admission for my surgery on January 5th. So I may add to this sometime later tonight... Perhaps add to why I titled this The Christmas Spirit. I guess I don't need a reason, do I? LOL This is my blog. :-D

More Later...

Here it is about 1 AM in Bon Secour, Alabama. So beautiful here; Quiet and serene. I woke up because of the racoons outside. I have purchased property, but it needs much work on the floors. The good news is I am house sitting while I work on my property. I am really enjoying house sitting in Bon Secour. I am out in the country... Far enough out the Postal Service does not come here. I am staying in the kewlest house. It was originally designed by one of my friends. More nooks and cranny's than the law allows. There are so many different types of birds here. So much color and variety.

The people who own this house also sold me my house. They have given me all they chose not to take with them. It has been like going on a treasure hunt while packing down their home to prepare it for going on the market. Everything from old antique trunks to antique dressers, to old unusual pictures. It has been such fun. I have enjoyed seeing the history of this dynamic couple. The irony is the things that have been left for me are exactly the type of things I enjoy but never could afford. I enjoy old and I enjoy funk. They were a bit of both. One of them told me they don't have any bad memories in living in this home for the 19 years they were here. I can feel the love that was held in this home for so many years. It is a great feeling.

The hard part to take is the reason they were leaving is one has Huntington's Disease, which is a combination of altzeimers and parkinson's disease. They consolidated and moved to the Tennesee Ridge to enjoy the remaining time they will have together. They were together since the youngest was 19 and she is 52 now. Should any of us be so lucky to be with someone with so much love and dedication.

While being here I have come to appreciate birds, as there are many bird feeders that I keep filled with food. I am blessed with seeing red Cardinals, finches, and birds I have no clue what they are. Additionally I have come to love the wild cats they could not take with them. I am going to catch them and take them to my property when I move in so I can continue to care for them.

This home has a unique layout. There is a loft upstairs with two bedroom. Downstairs there are rooms in the most unusual places. It is somewhat like a maze. I love and appreciate its uniqueness. There are out building that also contain little bits of this and little bits of that.

The neat thing about the things they gave me is it is like having a part of them still in my life even though they have moved away. The abundance that I cannot use I will share with others who will appreciate them.


Now about my new house. I am still grateful... I will get pictures when I go up. The floors need replaced and joist repairs must be done. The good thing is it is a block home and the interior walls are fine. I have to remind myself the materials are less than two or three housepayments for most people. Additionally I have to remind myself to be patient. When all is said and done my housepayments will be what I paid for housepayments in the early 70's. I also am learning to reach out and ask for help to get things done. I can actually picture my newfound furnishings in this home.

Well there are a couple of more things about my house. I have crayfish mounds in my yard. Guess I won't go hungry and guess I will have lots of bait. The house was built on top of a natural underground spring. At first it concerned me, but I found that there are ways to keep the moisture where it belongs because it is a block house. About half way down my property line I have a creek as well. You cannot see it very well as there is so much in the way of trees and folage. There are also berry trees. I think blackberries or blueberries, but I need to find out which.

The other thing is there are many pockets of clay, so I will have plenty of clay for my potters wheel. I have to say in spite of the complications and the fact I must be patient this sure will beat paying rent, having to move when rents go up or the building sells, or being around the element in rentals I can afford. I also appreciate the fact that I will be able to have livestock and critters.

Well it is off to bed for me. I guess mostly this post is about being grateful for all the gifts God has given me.

Well I finally did it!!! I have purchased a two bedroom block house that is a fixer upper. It is on 3.6 acres in Northern Baldwin County in Alabama. When I asked God to provide me with property I could afford I forgot to specify location. The house has a lot of potential and I am excited about the acreage. There is a creek running through the property and it is loaded with pine trees and oak. The property longates rather than runs deep. This area is not zoned, so I will have a lot of latitude towards how I use it. I will be able to do my pottery and grow as needed.

My wish at this point is that my upcoming surgery will be successful with a quick recovery time so that I may work quickly at fixing it up. How I am going to finance this is beyond me, but I will take it a step at a time. God has provided me living space that is mine and I am sure God has no intentions of letting me down now.

Well off to bed for me as we go hang new doors tomorrow. That and fix the floor and I will be able to move in while I do the rest. 90% of what needs to be done is a good old cleaning and cosmetic.

In The Name Of Love...

We walked hand in hand...
We did it in the name of love...
We took our stand...
We did it in the name of love...
We sacrificed more than you'll ever lose...
We did it in the name of love...
We were on the news...
We did it in the name of love...
We had our reasons...
We did it in the name of love...
We would do it all over, for the same reasons...
We did it in the name of love...
We planned a future together...
We did it in the name of love...
We stood strong together...
We did it in the name of love...
We took our turns...
We did it in the name of love...
We addressed our concerns...
We did it in the name of love...
We broke the silence...
We did it in the name of love...
We spoke out on the violence...
We did it in the name of love...
We carried the torch...
We did it in the name of love...
We sat in a swing on the front porch...
We did it in the name of love...
We gave of our hearts...
We did it in the name of love...
We had of our own parts...
We did it in the name of love...
We reached out...
We did it in the name of love...
We cleared up all the doubt...
We did it in the name of love...
We walked away from the fights...
We did it in the name of love...
We reached new heights...
We did it in the name of love...
We fought for our rights...
We did it in the name of love...
We were in the spotlights...
We did it in the name of love...
We shared...
We did it in the name of love...
We dared...
We did it in the name of love...
We prepared...
We did it in the name of love...
We cared...
We did it in the name of love...
We declared...
We did it in the name of love...
We paired...
We did it in the name of love...
We walked with pride...
We did it in the name of love...
We cried...
We did it in the name of love...
We opened up eyes wide...
We did it in the name of love...
We died...
We did it in the name of love...
We taught...
We did it in the name of love...
We did a lot...
We did it in the name of love...
We grew strong...
We did it in the name of love...
We will one day right the wrong...
We will do it in the name of love...
We will continue to fly our symbol of our love...
We will do it in the name of love...
We stand proud of our flag of bright colors...for it was made in the name of love...
In the name of love...

In The Name Of Love...
Let It Fly Freely...
In The Name Of Love...
Let The Rainbow Flag Show...
In The Name Of Love...
Let Our Love Flow...
In The Name Of Love...
Let Our Love Grow...
In Name Of Love...
Let The Hate Go...
In The Name Of Love...
Living Proof...His Living Years...

All Rights Reserved By: C.P.D.C.

If you will click on the title you can go straight to the link where I found this. When I read this article, which is pretty current news, I was simply stunned. I was stunned on many levels. To have a hate crime of this magnitude to go on in the community I recently moved away from sent chills down my back... To have a hate crime this brutal to someone I knew (not a close friend) put tears in my eyes... To have adults withold information that could help catch these murderers, stuns me. I simply do not get it!! I have seen individuals in this community turn their back on what they know to be unjust and unfair before, but to this magnitude? I would never have thought in a million years anyone would do what is listed in the article I ran across.

Actually, I do not know if the article is accurate in all fairness, and if it is not accurate I would love to know about it. It certainly would help how I feel to know this is not true. However, from what I have seen within the community this is to have occurred, I truly should not be too surprised.

Additionally when I read this, the following came to mind:

First They Came for the Jews

First they came for the Jews
I did not speak outbecause I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists
I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

I have processed the reasons why a bar full of people would turn their back on a woman who was drunk. And perhaps I understand because some professionals go there for Happy Hour and are afraid of being outted. But I do not understand how any decent human being could have allowed this woman to be groped by three straight men, how any bar owner or bartender could have served her to a blivy and then allowed this to happen, or how any responsible person could have allowed three men with a clear agenda to remove this woman from the bar. I don't care what anyones job title is or where anyone works... There comes a time one has to stand up... If these men get away with this others are going to be placed in harms way. I also realize some of this may be well meaning friends of the bartender or bar owners. It seems to me the taking of a person's life is far more important than any fine the bar or bartender could receive. I also understand that the owner of this bar has been missing for over a year and possibly two years. I have to ask myself as quiet as his disappearance was kept and this bar is still running, if there are concerns about more surfacing around the bar owner's disappearance. I cannot help but ask myself at this point because of the magnitude of blatent selective blindness as to what has happened to Pat. Additionally I understand the fear of not having any place as gays and lesbians to go in such a small community. Well, there comes a time when one's social life is not the most important issue. It may very well be someone elses life you are saving down the road. Last but not least Pat's family deserves closure. AND these men need to be held accountable. IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING AND CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES.

I guess I have said what I believe needs said... If this turns out to be an inaccurate article I would appreciate it if someone would send me the correct version of it.

Is it not enough that we have been betrayed by a world who does not understand us, that we do not betray one another?

Nuff Said
Lorretta

Hate Crime in South Texas Article Woman Killed While "Walking" On SH 35
Pat's Obit
The Truth About Texas Hate Crime Legislation

Well here I am in Foley, Alabama. I have been here going on two months. While I do miss living in Pensacola and the dream of living in Pensacola, I am reasonably happy here. What is happiness anyway? Who knows!! What may have made me happy 4 years ago certainly might have a different impact today.

Some of the updates... I live close to the Bon Secour River and I have fishing back in my life. It is beautiful here.... I could not ask for a nicer area to live in. The area I live is filled with so many trees that one cannot even hear the rustle of the wind.

Two major additions have been added to my life... Well more really if you factor in the wonderful people I have met here besides these two additions. I have finally commited to someone and have settled down. Not an easy task for me, as I am so used to being alone. The second little person in my life is Alex, who is three years old. I cannot help but appreciate him. So full of life this little guy is, and so eager to learn about so many things in the world.

I have not blogged for some time as I have been in physical therapy, which took a lot of my physical and emotional energy. Along with moving the infamous molds from Pensacola to Foley. hahaha On the physical therapy, I will give them credit!! My pain level has gone way down. And I actually got some mobility back. Not all, but it is certainly an improvement.

Well that will do for this post.

More Later.....

Well golly!! What a wonderful weekend. The woman I am dating had me come to her house Friday evening and I had the best time. She co-parents a 3 year old boy and it was fun to see the back yard set up to what I would have perceived as an entire park when I was his age, or perhaps even older.

Saturday we went out in her boat with her sister and a friend of hers. Had a blast!! The only thing that went wrong there is I was going to get out of the back of the boat in the bay and lost my balance. I fell into the bay.. Now that would not have been so bad, but my little dog Sassy was not at all impressed with her introduction to a body of water. She had never been swimming before. I was holding her and she went in right along side of me. It was amazing to see how this 4 1/2 pound creature adapted to the water so nicely though. She was actually swimming. Of course her little feet are not made to be a swimmer so I kept a close watch on her.

I got a bit of sun but it was not bad.. Mostly just sensitive to touch. It is the first time I have been in the sun long enough since 2002 to get any color on my skin at all. I did not realize how much I missed being out like that.

Then Sunday we went to church and it was so neat to see it being so full that chairs had to be placed in the fellowship area. Even then there was standing room only that was being used. I am sure we are all going to be excited about the new building being finished when it is. There is so much life at Holy Cross MCC it is not possible to leave without at least one blessing if not more than one. I know I say it a lot, but I did not realize how much I had missed this type of fellowship and so much life in the church.

I leave tomorrow for Rochester New York with the woman I am seeing. We will be gone just about 10 days!! I am all excited. I am hoping I will be able to see my step-sister Carrie on our way. I am also hoping to be able to see an old friend who once lived in Pensacola when I get there. That would be awesome.

When I get back from Rochester I will only be home one day and will be leaving for New Orleans to the Rainbow Revival. "The MCCGNO Rainbow Revival is a gathering of MCCers from the US Gulf Coast and their friends to acknowledge the first anniversary of Katrina, celebrate the care given and received in the past year and renew spirits for the future." I am excited about the gathering of the Gulf Coast churches participation in this!! This could just has easily have been any one of the Gulf Coast communities and I think it is important that all of the Gulf Coast MCC churches participate. Anyway I will be going in the church van, spending the night, and then doing the revival the next day. I bet I will be tired after all that traveling when I get home.

Well I have to scoot to Walmart to get food for the trip and for the critters. I still am getting ready and packing as well.

I will try to blog some on the trip, but won't be able to be on as much as now.

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,!
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will l always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn! 't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

~~A Forward Floating On the Web
~~Author Unknown

Well I went to bingo with a delightful couple from church last Friday night. We had the best time. I did not win anything but we certainly had fun.

I could not help but laugh. I have a younger friend in Texas that called just as I was getting ready to go out the door for my wonderful evening out. I told her I had to go as I was going to be late for my friends showing up to go out. She asked where we were going and I told her to play bingo. She said.... Girl... You have absolutely hit the bottom... It has finally come to this. I was laughing so hard just the way she said it. You would have to know her to appreciate her humor and wit. Anyway I am looking forward to going and doing something just for fun again. Well back to my week...

I have uploaded the "Love" from the 50 Days of Love sermons by Rev Sandy O'steen to my website. Once again, it is an extremely slow load, but well worth the wait. This sermon is right in line with what I believe love should or should not be... I know I am pretty PolyAnna about it, but maybe a little PolyAnna in all of us is a good thing.

*****Just click on the title and it will take you there....

I will write more about it later but have to run over to the church...

Grace & Peace,
Lorretta

Today marks the fourth year my beloved friend Barbara left us. Without question I still miss her. She may have been one of the most crusty old-time butches I have ever known, but under all of that was one of the most intelligent people I ever knew. You had to know Barb to appreciate her... If you liked dry wit, she definitely had it... Yet she could make you madder than a hornets nest within seconds. She was probably the only one I have ever known who had the ability to get back in your good graces as quickly as she got out of it.

I learned so much from Barb in the years I knew her... She was my best friend and my most treasured confidant. Yet I knew she would call me on my stuff as she saw it. She kind of reminded me of a Yoda in many ways. So much wisdom she held!!

I enjoy the memories of the years I had Barb in my life as a friend. I still talk to her often and when I catch a fish I hold it up for her to see. While we cannot have our friends forever, hers is one friendship I still get much enjoyment from in the way of memories.

I miss you my Dear Friend.

Love
Lorretta

Pastor Sandy did a series during Lent on the 50 Days of Love... One of them was on Forgiveness. With her permission I have added it to my website. It is a slow load, but is well worth the wait... You may be asked to download a license when the page loads for the sermon. It is safe to do so and is not spyware or anything like that.

I will be adding the rest of the series over the next few days/weeks. I felt, however, this was a good place to start.

Forgiveness
http://lorrettasplace.com/forgiveness.htm

Grace & Peace,
Lorretta

I have added Poem's, Prayers, & Promises as a blog. If you have some you would like to see go up, please email me on the The Poems, Prayers, & Promises page..

Click on the title to go to Favorite Scriptures.

Thanks
~~Lorretta

Recently I asked my Pastor to do a sermon on TOO. I grew up in a time and part of the country where roles were not acceptable. That would have been California. It was not politically correct to ask a person if they were butch or femme. One would have been met with a curt answer of "I am NOT into roles," or "I am just me," or "I am androgynous." For me this goes far beyond roles really.. We seem to be in the generation of TOO. Either one is too butch or too femme, too tall or too short, too fat or too thin, and finally too young or too old.

Are we as a society so shallow we cannot look past the surface of others? Or perhaps with age we have distant memories that help define the roles we place on others and the expectations of what we perceive them to be. I cannot help but wonder how often we cheat ourselves of the gifts God has placed before us in other people. Yet we hear "too" so often in our lives.

There is an old saying called "never judge a book by its cover." How great it would be if people would take the time to read the book and then assess. How wonderful it would be if we as a society begin placing our attractions on what a person has to offer inside and their personality. For example, what if we were to fall in love with a person because of their deeds, or the way they treat those around them. Or perhaps even for the different aspects of life each of us have in common. Yet so often as individuals, we will never know who a person is inside because we are caught up in what the cover looks like. Even for some, they may absolutely adore who the person is inside, yet they will tell themselves they cannot be with a specific personality for friendship or relationships because they are "too butch or too femme... Or "too tall or too short." I wonder how many beautiful books of poetry have been tossed as a result of less than appealing covers? The words contained in these books still hold their beauty and splendor...

Perhaps there will come a time in our society whereas the beauty within will hold more importance than external beauty...

I have installed the MCC and Gay & Lesbian News Feeds on my site... It takes a few seconds to load so be patient....

http://www.lorrettawoodbury.com/news.htm

Well I have been here in Pensacola for a little over 5 weeks. Some things have not gone the way I planned, but perhaps it is not about what I planned, but is about what God has planned for me. I love it here and I love Holy Cross MCC. Most of the people are nice and so friendly. For anyone who has entertained the idea of attending Holy Cross MCC, know that you will be greeted with a warm welcome and people truly do try to make a difference in your life by letting you know you are wanted and welcome there.

Holy Cross MCC has a praise team that is absolutely awesome and you can tell they are there for God, spreading the word of Jesus Christ, and want others to participate. They do not have privatized labels... Just Praise Team. I like that as I am not into clique's at all.. It is fun to watch them sing and play their musical instruments and it is equally as fulfilling to experience being a part of a congregation that wishes to be involved. I did not realize how much I have missed this type of service.

I have not gone to their more conservative services, which is at 11:00, but I am ready to take that plunge. I also love Pastor David... He is such a gentle spirit and delivers such powerful messages within his kindness and soft demeanor. He has grown on me so much and I appreciate him a great deal. I plan to start going to the Wednesday service on a more regular basis so I can learn more from him.

I look at the strength of our church. They lost their building to Hurricane Ivan and have survived four moves. Yet one has to hunt for a place to sit at the 9:00 service if they did not get there early. I have always been fond of early morning services anyway so this has worked out well.

Sometimes I miss the familiarity of where I moved from, but as I am getting bolder and bolder and venturing further out, I am finding this to be a great fit. When I am out with people who are not with MCC yet, I find myself talking about MCC, my love for God, and my love for Jesus Christ. The great thing about that is once in a while someone wants to go to church and see what it is about.

One thing I have come to terms with recently is I have no desire to deny who I am and my love for the Jesus. I am sure it may turn off some, but I guess the whole point is I could not have it both ways...

Additionally I love scripturally based sermons, and I know I have found exactly that at Holy Cross MCC.

Thank you Holy Cross MCC for helping me feel welcome in your Church Family...

I suspect I have never realized the importance of remembering friends/family birthdays until recently. I have a friend I have known many years who has bilateral breast cancer. The treatments, more than the cancer, have certainly taken a toll on her system. I marked my calender to make certain I did not miss her birthday and called yesterday. I left a message and when she called me back I knew it was her so I sang Happy Birthday to her. Now if you have ever heard me sing it is enough for you to wish I would have remained silent or you laugh.. She laughed!! I guess when I got to the part and many more I thought about this internally. Will there be more? God only knows, but I am glad I was able to tell her happy birthday this year.

I guess the significance of this to me is how little effort it takes to pick up the phone and make someone I care about feel special, even if it be for just a few minutes. I look over the years of those who were special in my life and I did not take the time to pick up the phone and make them feel better for those simple few minutes.

While a work in progress and striving for perfection, I intend to continue to make that 5 minute difference in others lives. I am working on a list of little things I can do to make others feel good.

Well this certainly has been a nightmare... But I finally found a solution. AOL has dropped my rate to $4.95 a month. However, I was not about to place AOL software back on my machine... AND, the last thing I wanted to do is go to their webpages just to pick up more spyware.

I figured out how to configure my AOL accounts on Outlook 2003... It will not accept it if you select the POP account setting. You have to select IMAP.

~So go to Add New Email Account
~Fill in the blanks as you go
~When you get to the radio buttons select IMAP

~Your Name
~Your Email Address
~Incoming Map Server = imap.aol.com
~Outgoing Mail Server = smtp.aol.com
~User Name:
~User Password:

~NOW click on more settings:

~Type in the Name you want to appear on your folder in Outlook
~Click on the tab Outgoing Server and Check My outgoing server (SMTP) requires authentications
~Now click on advanced and on the Outgoing server Port (SMTP) = Change this from 25 to 587
~Select Ok
~Repeat this process for all screen names you have.

What will happen is all of the folders you had on AOL will show up right in Outlook. LESS ALL THE GARBAGE AND SPAM...

Before you delete AOL, save all your important emails that are in the filing cabinet to ON AOL... This only handles what is server side on AOL.

Whoever runs across this, if you run into a snag let me know so I can tighten up my directions... However this will work.... Just picture this as a mirror of your aol account and you will do fine.

I have spent the last 10 hours working on my computer. I discovered uninstalling aol, EACH TIME I UNINSTALLED IT, did NOT uninstall it. And then... I had called AOL indicating I was ready to quit and they must have downloaded something on me as the last install I did on it would NOT let me uninstall everything. So I had to go into the properties and uncheck the read only properties on every single file.

Just to get a virus program on here I spent hours getting their lousy files off this machine. Thanks to SystemsWorks I was finally able to accomplish this... Even then it was a chore... Soooooo ... then I go check to see what has expressed access to my computer in my firewall. Over 100 aol checkboxes were checked and I know I did not check them.

AOL really need to have someone stomp on their toes good!! My computer was rendered almost useless... Even with my amount of computer background it was a gruelling task!! I was almost to the point it was going to be worth it to make my primary drive a secondary drive to save all the programs and install a new primary drive.

Yahoo, ICQ, and SBC Global were not much better and I had to remove a lot of files from them as well, but once I got all the AOL files removed the difference was significant.

Well I think I have ranted long enough about this!! At any rate Wipe it on SystemsWorks is worth its weight in Gold!! Thanks so much to the person who put me onto it.

This evening I went on a Dolphin charter with a group of women from WSO, an organization here in Pensacola for women that does get togethers. What a great time I had!!! It was so nice to be on the ocean and have the opportunity to visit with these women. There were couples and singles. It was so fun to see dolphins jumping around the boat. This was just about the most down to earth bunch of women a person could possibly want to meet. I am glad I went. I came close to chickening out on going several times throughout the day. This was an extra event, but they get together at least once a month. I am looking forward to getting to know them better. It simply amazes me for the size of this community how many things there are to go do here. If anyone from Pensacola runs across this and wants to go to WSO functions, email me and I will forward it on to the people who organize this.

What a great 4th of July this week was. On the fourth I went to some peoples home from church. They are very family oriented and there were at least 3 generations of family there. How fun to watch the children frolic, play, and try to be helpful towards the adults. Just genuine fun!! I tried something I have not tried since the impairment of my arms. They must keep getting better slowly, as a year ago I could not have considered doing this. I actually played horse shoes. Not necessarily the best game of horse shoes, but I was able to do it. I had to ice down that night and the next morning. Still not sure if the tradeoff was worth it, but at least I know I can do it... I wonder if others were sore the next day?

I am still muddling my way around to find my way around Pensacola, but it is getting done. Learning where everything is has been quite a challenge. I thought Corpus Christi was challenging when I moved there a number of years ago. It will be neat when one day someone says "how do I find yada yada," and I can tell them right where it is. Or at least point at the direction.

I am meeting people slowly but surely... Right now I just need to meet a few nice folks to bounce around with... I have been asked to go to eat this week and that should be fun... One thing I had forgotten and have found to be true once again is the question that comes to my mind when I am asked to go do things, is knowing if it is just to bounce around or a date. Right now I just need to make friends and am not ready to make such a profound move as to date. I tend to like keeping dating outside of my church family and/or social circle. Perhaps it is the ego factor if it does not work out, or purely the legistics of their continued presence if it does not work out. I wonder if straight folks have the problem of knowing if it is a date? When guys used to ask me out I assumed it was a date... When women ask me to go places I sometimes feel I need a clarifier; Regardless if I am interested or not. I have always felt awkward asking... Perhaps even moreso if I am not interested. Ö¿Ö

Also planning on getting some fishing in this weekend!! I am so looking forward to it.. I love my ocean and feel the need to fish as much as I used to. Still have not found any shrimp boats. :-D Well off to get my day started.

Well this was fun to update... I have added the affirmations page back on my site with updates...
http://www.lorrettawoodbury.com/affirmations.htm

Well here it is the 4th of July and I am planning on going to a BBQ!! I am excited about it!! My morning was spent ripping my home apart looking for my billfold. Nothing I hate worse than losing something as it is such an out of control feeling. Well after an hour and a half and a very out of control panic stricken feeling I finally found it. Now I have to spend hours putting this place back together. Oh Well.

I felt bad because I was supposed to take my friend to the base to see her husband who is in the hospital.. No Drivers license .. No getting on the base.. Hope her neighbor took her!! She has given so much to me in my life that I hated letting her down one of the few times she asked something important of me.

Well now I guess I should get ready for the BBQ and get some tasks done. Starting with putting everything back where it came from.

Have not decided if I should go see the fireworks tonight or not tonight. I love firework displays but don't know my way around Pensacola well enough to know where to park or not to park. With this honker van that becomes relevant very quickly. Mostly from the standpoint of a place to park it. I am not in the least sorry that is what I have though, as it awards me the privilege of doing so many things with it I could not have done otherwise.

Well it is task-time..

What a pleasant surprise to receive an email today regarding Troy Perry, the founder of Metropolitan Community Church's, launching his own website... Seeing this brought back the memory of running into Troy at the airport and flying with him from Burbank, CA. to San Francisco, CA. I was on my way to San Francisco to be on a Morning Television talk with former Assemblywoman Paula Boland and Troy was on his way to SF for different reasons. It was one of the most fun 45 minutes I have ever had. I will never forget when the Airline Attendant offered us a snak. Oh boy!! There were Tutti Frutti's in the basket. Ö¿Ö I forget exactly what Troy said, but it was something like.... Oh!! Tutti Frutti's - I MUST have some of those... People were reading their papers on the plane and it was fun to watch the papers rapidly draw closer to their faces. One cannot fly on the same commuter flight and not feel the presence of Troy.. That will always be one of my most favorite memories. While extremely devoted to God's work, he is not lacking in sense of humor. I felt a void when Troy retired, but he certainly deserves the long needed rest after so many years of dedication. The story of his being the founder of MCC churches is one to behold. How brave to open your home to anyone who cares to come and worship... Just amazes me where MCC is today!! I have few hero's and shero's... Troy is definately one of my hero's.

What a great Service at church today!! They did a PowerPoint presentation of all the members who chose to have their military pictures on the powerpoint. How fun to see each of them as young adults in their uniforms. Those who had been there much longer than I have, as I am a newbie here at this church, had some good laughs and chuckled over the different ones as they showed up on the presentation.. Even though, the spirit of everyone elses enjoyment was heartfelt and I enjoyed myself.

Pastor Sandy did her sermon in part on Liberty & Justice For All........ Except for Gay's, Lesbians, Bisexuals, and transgenderals, and anyone else Society wanted to single at at any given time. It was great... I had never thought of it quite in the way she presented it, but she was so correct in what she had to say... It truly is time we as g/l/b/t people stand up and claim a voice.

One of the other reasons I needed to hear this sermon today is I have been questioning myself over the last few days as to my decision in being as open about being a lesbian and a Christian on my website. After hearing her sermon I felt extremely validated in my choice to do this. If we don't start claiming our voices within this backlash it is my belief we are not going to have a voice to claim.

It is my understanding a Pastor from one of the other MCC's indicated on a sidenote of his sermon, the money spent on Pride Week would be much better spent lobbying Washington. I could not disagree more. I feel being out in numbers... In a healthy way... Is the only way we can indicate to society we are people too and give them a small idea as to how many of us are being effected by the backlash in laws and legislation.

I will be revising this with a link, as Pastor Sandy told me I could put the slide presentation on my website....

I also want to make clear that being Lesbian is not the sum total of who I am... And certainly not the sum total of who anybody in our lifestyle is. We are son's and daughters, brothers and sisters, artists, teachers, doctors, scientists, engineers, musicians... Many of us are your neighbor next door or your co-worker who you have appreciated and valued for years. This is just to name a few... Many of us are your neighbor next door or your co-worker who you have appreciated and valued for years.

We are people with feelings who love as anyone else does... Cries as anyone else does... Hurts over rejection and loss as anyone else does... However when we hurt and cry over a loss, all too often we cannot share our loss with anyone for fear of loss of jobs and/or friends. Well we can do something about the friends we choose, but we have to keep our jobs...

I hope there will be a day in my lifetime that I am truly able to see society embrace us even half as much as we embrace our heterosexual counterparts. I know many of us has family we would like to share our lives with who really have distanced themselves from us because we happen to be gay. I know I have family I would love to be closer to, but it is not possible as a result of my sexual orientation. I have family who is decent about it too... I just hope someday we as a society with far surpass tolerence and replace it with acceptance.

Well off to bed....

A friend called me last night upset because she and her girlfriend were breaking up... After listening for a while I said... Do you remember when you told me this was a magical relationship? she paused for a minute and said yep... I remember something about it... I could not help myself... I just had to say it... Well you know if you stop and think about it... It really was magic... She even disappeared... We both started laughing... At least I got a laugh out of her... After a while we talked about the fact that no relationship is magical... They take a lot of work, open communication, and compromise... No matter how life has progressed, I have always found myself not really knowing quite what people need from me when they call in that kind of pain... Do they just need me to listen quietly? Or do they need input? Perhaps a bit of my dry humor? I just never know quite what to say or do... I tend to always want to fix it for them even though I know that is not a realistic thing to do...

Welp... Better get some things done around here before the heat of the day sets in...

Well, I have been here a tad less than a month, but it has taken a while to get rested from my move. I actually started unpacking things today in a more serious fashion. Hello Pensacola!! And GOODBYE Corpus Christi. I won't miss it there!! The only thing I will miss about Corpus Christi is the fishing is great. Eventually there will be no open places to fish as I once knew them... Corporate America would much prefer these water lines were available only to the very rich and for corporations such as Landry's. I perceive Corpus as becoming a yuppie filled small city that is trying to imitate Austin!!

When I arrived in Corpus I knew that I was going to have difficulty finding people that were challenging to me, but at that time there was a whole lot of Ocean for a minimum investment. College was a good experience there, and I will always be glad I went. Even then, other than the professors I had difficulty finding people to engage with that had the ability of doing much in the way of critical thinking.

I have been able to go fishing once here in Pensacola and it is absolutely beautiful on the waterline. I did not catch anything, so I am going to have to start paying attention to the way these fisherman set up down here for this type of fish. I also guess I need to find out if/where the shrimp boats are so I can use fresh or live shrimp. In Corpus if live shrimp was available the bait shops had a white flag up. Anyone out there know if there are shrimp boats open to the public here? How about fishing on a barge? .. Any available. Last but not least.. Who wants to go fishing Ö¿Ö

Well I think I am going to go to bed early tonight. I got a lot done, but I think I have plain tuckered myself out.

I am sitting here half in tears for this girl and half in anger at a society that does nothing to protect those who are different. This film is being shown on Lifetime Television and will be shown again Friday, June 30th at 9 pm. This is one of the most tasteful and accurate depictions of what transgenderal people go through I have seen.

For years I did not embrace transgenderal people because they were different than I. Imagine that... A lesbian not embracing someone who is different. In retrospect I believe it was because I simply wanted to fit in the best way I could.. Even if that expense was at the loneliness and hurt of others. Then, about 2 or 3 years ago I met the most wonderful transgenderal person at church and it changed all of that. I adored both her and her partner. They since have had a Holy Union and it is recognized in the courts by default. I am glad I took the time to embrace them and get to know them. They are two I will always have fond memories of; Even though I have moved away.

Then we move onto the hate crime aspect of all of this... I look at how easily this could have been my friend who lives in the south. At times I believe the south is actually more tolerant than California... Even in the Midwest in Wyoming the courts convicted Matt Shepard's assailants of a hate crime. Why in California in 2005 did these young men not get convicted of a hate crime? It makes no sense!!

I look back over the years at the fear we have had to live under. I admire those that were brave enough to truly come out of the closet. For myself, until recently, I truly cheesed out. No More!! There is so much to do to gain the rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgenderal people... So much to do that I find it overwhelming on where to start. However I would suggest to anyone who wishes to start to make this difference is To Thine Own Self Be True. If enough of us have the courage to do this, it is bound to have a dominoe effect on society. Blacks, Hispanic, and other minorities did not generate by change in silence. I once coined the term No I Will Not Be Silent - For In My Silence There Is No Change! Although that was written during my advocacy as a survivor, it certainly fits the bill here. Regardless if it is the government, organized religion, the workplace, or the citizens in a community, making examples out of people is the most effective way of silencing the rest that I know of. To get the courage generated in numbers we need during the political climate regarding G/L/B/T people today is going to be more difficult, but I believe this is what must be done to incorporate change, tolerance, and eventual acceptance.

I can so relate to Gwen, in spite of not have Genderal Identity to deal with. I remember all the years of watching people be terminated from work, set up at work, and belittled at work... It brings me to a time where I was working at a small company in Pasadena on contract. A mother and daughter team started making comments to get me to bite, which I bit my tongue for weeks. Finally one day they stated that Aids was God's punishment to the Gay community. I stood up and said.... Well... If xyz percent of Straight men have aids... And xyz percent of straight women have aids... And xzy percent of bisexual women have aids... And xyz percent of bisexual men have aids... And xyz percent of gay men have aids... And lesbians only have xyz percent... Does this make lesbians God's Chosen People? Within a half hour I was terminated. It was ok for them to carry on for weeks in the background to make me feel bad... Oh well!!!

I also remember Eedie who was a hair dresser in Oakland. I cannot remember the name of the nightclub she was at, but we all called it menapause manor in those days as it contained lesbian's that were much older than we were. Who would have thought we would be in those age brackets someday. Eedie used to go to Happy Hour each day on her way home from work. One night the bar was targeted because it was a lesbian bar and only women. In the process Eeedie was shot and killed. If I remember correctly very little was done to the man that did this. More was made out of all the women who chased him down the street and caught him than what he had done to Eedie.

There was also Jim, who lost his partner. I had known Jim for many years. They were leaving a nightclub in San Francisco and Jim's partner was stabbed and killed as they left. By people who go out of their way to kill a faggot and win a medal, as we used to say in those days. I heard later that Jim just held his friend in his arms and sobbed watching the life slip right out of him. In those days the options of where to go were limited and if we were to meet people we had to put up with nightclubs that were in areas which left us less than safe and secure.

It is hard to look back over the years and see how many gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenderals have had to suffer the consequences of the rath of society, much less the alienation of the families of origin. What makes this even more painful is to watch movies like the one I posted on here, only to find out that the very 12 jurors we trusted to right a wrong minimized the crime and blamed it on society instead of the thugs that murdered Gwen.

I have personally known victims of hate crimes in our community, but know even more who have been ostracized. It is disheartening at best.

So much to say on this topic I may have to come back to it later...

Well Ya Gotta Love AOL Don't Ya? They got their claws into us when this all went flat rate and so much is done online these days that they have their claws into us now! I spent all day yesterday attempting to get AOL and Mcafee off my computer. At one point I lost my mouse and my keyboard. What a nightmare!! If I can get all this uninstalled I am going to read my mail from the web and no more software from them!

I called and told them I quit, but by the end of the conversation I knew it was not realistic as I have too darned many accounts/friends/websites tied into aol email addresses. So they gave me a rate of $4.95 per month with no additional charges.. We will try that, but I am still only going to read it from the web.

I have learned a valuable experience dealing with AOL the last two days. Use the Live Online Support if you have a second computer. It does not speak, so it is clear and precise. It may be a tad slow but it works much better than not understanding who is on the other end of the line.

Well now that I am back in I best start backing up files!! I am considering putting in a new hard drive and making it my primary.. That way I won't lose anything and can make this drive a secondary drive. I won't run nearly as slowly either.

I used to love aol.. Now all I love about them are my email addresses. The email addresses and I have a love hate relationship... I cannot live with them and I cannot live without them. Ö¿Ö

I cannot belive I found this!! I had never heard it before but just love it. While I would prefer it were more inclusive, it is what it is and I have appreciated it for many years.. I went ahead and put it in webpage form while I find the music I want for this section of my website. I love the song and hope anyone who passes through here appreciates it as much as I do. Click here...

The last two days have been good. I have achieved much and just got back from Ocean Springs to boot. Hmmmm long distance relationships.. I can think only one more thing more challenging than a long distance relationship... That is a long distance relationship where traveling during the summer in the south is done without the luxury of air conditioning.

I only stayed a short time this time as I left my bird and sugar gliders at home.. I did not want to risk more than one night..

Well off to bed...

I sure do miss my Eddie... Eddie was not just
anyone to me; He was my hero, my confident, my friend, and most importantly Eddie was my brother. I knew I was a survivor, but I never thought I would see the day I would would have to speak of the most wonderful man in my life in past tense and be classified as a Suicide Survivor.

Eddie was one of the most happy and upbeat people I had ever known. It floors me to this day that I would receive a phone call from his life partner Hal that he had killed himself. Even now to write killed himself puts a knot in my tummy. How could this guy with such a sense of humor do this? I asked myself this on so many occasions.

What I learned through this experience is that there is no support when losing a loved one to suicide. I was blessed in that I had one friend who took the whole brunt online of walking me through this. Bless her heart!! Since it is a death by choice those around us seem to get more caught up in the choice made to take ones own life, rather than the devistation to those who were affected by his death. In my studying this topic I have learned this is not that uncommon. Everyone disappeared or simply did not want to hear about it, so I was really on my own in my recovery over this. To this day I still try to make sense out of such a senseless act. My family could not be supportive or help me through this process as they were dealing with the same feelings I was. Eddie's life partner, Hal, is/was one of my closest friends. I adore him as much as I do Eddie, and after 33 years he is family. Hal did not answer his phone for the better part of a year. My other brother who found Eddie to this day does not answer his phone or return phone calls.

I just remember that numbness of trying to understand. I guess I went through the normal range of processing after all of this.. First I glorified him and tried to place him on a pedistool.. Then I found myself believing if only I had been there.. I could have stopped him.. Today I know this is not realistic, but at that time I thought I could have been the white knight that came in on the galluping stallion and made everything all better for him. After that I found I had a degree of anger, but it never really evolved in to a blown anger. Actually I think I was more hurt and angry at those in my life who were not there to help me through such a difficult time. Perhaps it was easier to be angry with them than it was to be angry with Eddie. Within three months I had other things that were imperative, such as my own health, which is a blog in itself.

I remember picking up the phone one day and calling the Suicide Survivor's Support Group. I was speaking to a woman there and she was talking about her son. finally it came out that her son had completed suicide 22 years ago. I knew right then I had to deal with this and move forward as I was not going to be living the rest of my life treating the loss of my brother as if it happened yesterday. On the flip side of that I was not pleased when someone told me I needed to move forward and get over it three weeks after my brother died. The support group in the area I lived met once a month. I opted out and worked through it. On the other hand Hal went to a support group where he lives that met once a week. It did him the world of good and his is finally smiling and laughing again.

I will say this!! I have experienced loss in my life, but there is no feeling that I have ever had that remotely compares to making sense out of a sibling suicide.

I just miss picking up the phone and saying Eddie I love you. I miss hearing his trashtalk and dirty jokes... His sense of humor, or his bitching about not winning at Bingo. I miss going to see he and Hal on visits. I have never returned to the home to as much as see Hal as I don't think I could handle it. I suppose when the time is right I will do just that.

The good news is time has past since September 12, 2002, the day after my birthday, and I have learned to appreciate life again, live again, smile again, and move forward with my life.

With that said... Eddie I miss you and love you!! I know God is taking care of you and you are no longer in pain...

Well I got a lot accomplished here today!! Learning to live in a smaller living space certainly is humbling and much like doing a jigsaw puzzle on a table that does not have room to make extra sorting piles. It is getting there and that is what counts. I feel I accomplished a lot.

I did more work on my website today!! It is coming along.. Slowly but surely. I set up the guestbook, made that navigation bar that needs something but I am not sure what, and provided an email address for people to email me...

Between both I am quite tired. It is funny... I remember when I could have banged out an entire website with many pages in a couple of days, and organize a large house I had moved into in a couple of days. Well I guess we just have to go with the flow!!

Well here I am getting ready to do my first post!! Yesterday was the rebuilding of my website. What a scary move it was. As I clicked the delete button on my ftp software I watched 581 files delete one by one. As I watched each song, picture, and page leave I could not help but get this eerie feeling of watching something I have known and been so comfortable with for so long to dissipate into cyberspace.

After I allowed my feelings to absorb from the disappearance of so many files I began the task of setting up the new layout and design. Today I will work on the navigation bar and add guestbooks, this blog, and links to various pages and an email address so I can be written.

The hardest part was to decide what to say... At first I was not going to ever bring up that I am a survivor of any type of trauma again as I just wanted to move forward and live my life. Then I realized leaving that part of who I am is as destructive as hiding the rest of who I am... Who am I really? I am a woman who cares about other people and enjoys doing community outreach... A woman who loves critters and animals... I am an artist... A computer junkie... A fisherwoman... Last but way not least I am a Christian who happens to be a Lesbian... Hmmmm I left out that S Word again... Well perhaps it is because I am a survivor of many things... I have survived cancer twice... I have survived the completed suicide of a brother I adore... Last but not least I have survived childhood abuse. As an American I have survived a terrorist attack... None of these events are who I am, however all of these events certainly set the tone for how I view life today...

Well I guess I had best get back with the program and go work on my navigation bar and add more pages to my website... I am going to try a little trick I have used on other sites and see if I can make this readable from a page on the site...