Welcome To A Road Less Traveled

I am having one of those Pensive Days. Well, I guess I am getting to the age where I am reflecting on the sum total of my life. Lately I have been thinking about people I have known and what they have accomplished in their lives. It is neat, really, to see what direction people I have known over the years, what was important to them, and what was there purpose.

While thinking about this I realized what has been most important to me in my life is to have a life that contained 'purpose'. While 'purpose' can change, there has always been 'purpose' in my life. I suspect this is true of all of us. For a number of years, my purpose was to help change the laws in this country regarding child offenders. Later that purpose became making myself available to those who had been harmed as children. I finally felt the need to step back from this as I was having health problems.

During the period where my health was most rocky and some mobility had been impaired, I found myself feeling as if my life no longer contained purpose. Later as I began my road to recovery my purpose was actually to start living life again and enjoying it. Gradually I was able to give again via community service via the internet.

While thinking about all this, I realized even small things are of purpose for me. For example, the ability to do things for myself and not feel guilty about them. To live out my dreams of living a more simplictic life... To grow gardens and work on my home. Or simply to stay a step ahead of a declining economy whereas I am able to utilize my land to rely less on grocery stores.

Sooo. For those of you who care to share, what is important to you and what is your purpose?

cute puppy and duckling companionship

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I truly enjoyed this one. Like most children the duckling and the puppy had not been conditioned by society to believe they were not the most likely pair and it was well outside the social norms. If we can teach diversity in ducklings and puppies, can we not teach diversity in our children so they will grow up to be better people? What a wonderful world it would be!

Well dang! I went to the Drugstore tonight because my breathing was giving me fits and was going to pick up my medications before I ran out. I have 4 days worth left. With the way gas prices are verses what I drive, 15 miles each way is a long ways to go and I try to time things where I am not wasteful. Well, anyway, I go into the pharmacy and have my standard amount in hand to pay for my medications. They come back with an outlandish amount and I said there must be some mistake. Nope!! No Mistake. My insurance does not cover anything that is a Medicare covered drug. With my insurance the deductible would only be $5.00 per medication. I Take 22 scripts. But since it is medicare the best each of them will be is $55.00 for one and $5.00 for the other. ummmm That is AFTER I meet the deductible. The medications are still there at the pharmacy as I cannot afford them.

You know, I don't get this. They tell me I qualify for poverty level medicare rates and give me a little over $900.00 for SSD. Then they turn around and give me this deductible. It makes no sense to me how they figure this. This puts me further behind than I was two years ago.

Well I got snitty. Not at the person helping me, but at the situation. I told her I have friends that would be dead in two days if this happened to them. She agreed. Then I furthered to say that maybe this regime is working towards a pure society and deliberately trying to get throw aways off the roles by placing us in the position we could not get our medications. She looked stunned.

Now I know I am a good person and not a throw-away, but after watching what happened during the aftermath of Katrina I began to realize there is a huge difference at the help someone from Palm Beach gets vs. someone who lives in the poorest neighborhood of New Orleans. Don't laugh or roll your eyes... I don't think this is that far fetched. Look back... Seniors and disabled were the last taken out; even then it was in the back of U-Haul trucks. Do you remember the heat index? It was over 100 degrees. I think our current president would be more than happy to have a pure white society.

I live frugally. I don't go out to movies and I rarely go out to eat. I try to budget my comfort level here at the house. Even after budgeting my electric, for which I was still cold, my bill was $140.00. My partial solution to that was to turn off my cable television. the only frill, and then it is not a frill is my computer, which a church member donated.

I know I cannot be the only one who is going through this. I simply can't be. Two years ago I could make ends meet. Even a year ago, but it was tight.

I know God will take care of me as God always does. But darned, I am to the point of having to beg for help and I don't like this one bit. And you know, I see a lot of people on the streets that I know God loves. So my hopes of how God will take care of me may not equate to how it plays out. For any of us for that matter.

The waiting lists for senior and disabled housing are upwards of 3 to 5 years down here due to the hurricanes. Even then, with the cuts in all the programs, will I be any better off? How long will they last? At least here, even though I live on unfinished plywood floors I know I have a place. I don't think there is much difference here than there would be in an apartment complex for seniors and disabled individuals.

Already I have had to stoop to receiving groceries from food pantry's. And even then a good share of it I am not supposed to have and is not good for my already high cholesterol and my heart. My doctor writes down non-compliant every time I go in. My bad cholesterol is 198. My overall cholesterol is 325. Yet another doctor wants me to move to a dryer climate. HELLO!! Financially that is not going to happen unless I win the lottery.

I used the calculator online at the Human Services site for food stamps. I'll be darned.. It appears I may qualify. Yet two years ago I did not. The economy is so upside down it is just awful. Maybe we can help even things out with that.

Society seems to be set up to punish seniors and people with disabilities. And yes, those who are less advantaged, not as attractive, and not as smart. I know this is not about me and I am just one of many who this effects. But you know, I try to be there for others, I try to be giving, and I try to do the right things... I was always taught if I worked hard, treated others right, and did things a certain way the rest would come.

Well I am done ranting and will go figure out other ways to work around this.

Thanks for listening.
Ya Think?

What you see below was on my Pastors Blog: Hope you appreciate it as much as I do.
I see a lot in this that can apply to my life.

January 7, 2008
Let It Go!
This was sent to me and I have no idea if TD Jakes said it or not, but it is awesome and such good advise. Maybe it will help some of you understand more where I'm coming from on some issues. Enjoy!



By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk
Away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
Loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
Staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might
Be made manifest that they were not for us.
For had they been of us, no doubt they
Would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means
That their part in the story is over. And you've got
To know when people's part in your story is over so that you
Don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful,
it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God
Means for me to have He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you
And was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back,
And see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you,
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets
Your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take
You to a new level in Him........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even
Try to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to
Handling yourself and God is saying
"take your hands off of it," then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for this New Year!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left .. Think about it, and then,
LET IT GO!!!
"The Battle is the Lord's!"

I believe this is one of my most favorite songs from Suzi. I remember when this song was first released. I was so in love and thought that love would never end. Actually, it didn't for me. I still love her as if it were yesterday. I thought we would be together forever. This brings back good memories of that time.

In watching this, it simply amazes me people often said you remind me of Suzi Quatro. I did not see it then and I certainly do not see it now. Kind of fun to wonder why now.

Thanks Suzi for this You Tube Video!!

To Listen to this video you must turn off the music at bottom of the blog.. It will be worth it if you like this video.

What a fricken day!!

I got up this morning and I had left the cold water dripping. Well that did not work. The cold did not freeze, but the hot did. Finally I got them working. I don't think I like PVC pipes at the moment. Well then... I am getting ready to go to work and I have a flat tire on the little car. hmph!! So I took off in the van since I don't have any of my tools here right now.

SOOOOO.. I get to work to find another surprise. I had sold someone my old van for STORAGE until it was paid for. Meaning it was for them to store their parts in. I told him I had best not see that van on the road or it would cancel our agreement. Well I got there and NO David and NO Van. Well when he got back, he paid it off, so I decided to just put a lid on it and let it go. David reminds me of an old manipulative carney. He is a grump, but probably out of so many lifes hurts. He is manipulative, but probably because that is the only way he could get by on such limited resources.

So I let it go and am glad I don't have to do that dance with him anymore.

Sassy is such a hoot tonight. one of my picture frames is sitting inside of my wall units and Miss Sassy is barking up a storm at herself. Annie is chiming right in. LOL Bless thier hearts. Annie is really growing on me. She has such a personality and is such a character. Everything is such important business to her.

I am getting Rave Reviews over what I have done with my kitchen so far. When it is done I will post it. Should not be more than a couple of weeks now. Winter, I think, is the time I enjoy doing working inside on the house.

I am definately not as warm as I would like to be, but it is not AS bad as last year. I think tomorrow I will go get an additional space heater. Two is doing fair, but one more should make life a bit more comfortable.

Got to hear from my cousin today and it sounds as if she is feeling a bit better. I bet she could just lynch me for being such a clucker where she is concerned. What can I say.. I love her.

I hear my half brother Bill has pneumonia out in California and is self medicating. He has copd too and I do worry about him. We are not close but I do care about him.

This coming Monday, I am moving my bed into the living room. I have a good sized living room. I am going to make this into a studio until winter is over. At least the coldest part.

Well I am off to bed early tonight.

Hopefully my pipes won't freeze again tonight.

Well, my will was finally finalized today at the church office. I had to wait until then to find a notary and enough witnesses. The bank said they cannot do wills and such, so we went this route.

I thought there would be something freeing about getting this done, but somehow with the more witnesses it just felt like it complicated things more. The nice thing about witnesses at the bank or an attorneys office is there is no connection to them. None whatsoever. At church it felt like a connectedness, which I simply did not want to feel right now. Don't get me wrong, as I do appreciate what they did.

Well at least it is done and that was the responsible thing to do. I went through the footwork of having a will and durable done at the same time, but somehow I wondered why I was doing that part, other than that is what I am supposed to do.

There was little feeling for me today, other than I have done what I am supposed to do, because society says so AND because I wanted to have a voice in what happens to me and what happens to the remnants in the way of 'stuff' when I am gone.

You notice in the photo on the left the will looks all pretty and flowery.. I see nothing pretty or flowery about a will except it lets someone know of my intent. I trust the holder of this will with all my heart.

I have had a bit of difficulty over wills in the past few years. A friend of mine passed away and I sat in amazement as my old pastor that I left behind open a sealed will that was not his to open.. And then later had an attorney destroy the will by means of burning it. The person was alive and in a rest home and no longer able to make responsible decisions. I never will know if she told them to or not, but the woman I knew would never have let them do that. AND she was one of the most territorial women I ever knew. She signed everything, including her fishing rods if it was at all possible.

Then there is the will Rhonda managed to manipulate over my father. His intentions were clear for years and within the last year or so of his life, suddenly three codicil's were added, relinquishing his wishes which and been in place for years and giving all to Rhonda over a period of a short time. He died of stage 7 Alzheimer's disease. Clearly he was not in any mental state to have made these types of decisions during the last years of his life.

At least I know the two people I selected to oversee mine will not play these types of games. So that is a good thing...

Off to bed for me. I spent enough time and have given enough energy to this will thingie. It will do what I need for it to do and that is truly all that matters at the end of a day.

I have been made the limited administrator for Moe's affairs, meaning I have to follow what the Probate Courts tell me to do to a T.

So here is the deal. My pastor and church says God puts the right people at the right time with the right resources exactly when we need them. So I am going to put my faith in God. I don't believe God allowed me to be assigned to handle Moes burial and to get her life in order if God did not believe the resources would show themselves when they are needed.

Here is what I need... I need Frequent Flyer Miles or Bonus Miles to get to Connecticut so I can get Moe out of the Medical Examiners Office and have her placed with a Funeral Home. She has been at the Medical Examiners office since a week after Thanksgiving. Additionally, if this is not possible, any increments, regardless of size added to my paypal account will help. I will be driving her vehicle back until the courts advise me what I am supposed to do with it.

Any help at all, I will be grateful for. Moe gave to others so unconditionally.. Please help me get the balance of her life settled.

I have put a donation button up on the upper right corner of my blog for those of you who wish to help. It would not embed on this page...

When I get there, the MCC church in their area has stated they will have no problem getting me a place to stay with one of their members.

Thanks to all..

Well after about 2 weeks of being able to breath better than for a very long time, I had trouble last night. I got up and did a breathing treatment and tried to go back to bed. Did not stay down long as every time I did my lungs start getting fluid in em. Just enough to make me fricken miserable. When I figured enough time had lapsed I took some more tussive syrup and that seemed to do it. Kind of a disappointment as I thought this last round of medications had pretty well adjusted everything. POOP!! It gets scary when that happens. I feel a lot better today other than I am tired and do not feel rested.

Brandi Carlile - The Story - Taken From Gray's Anatomy





All of these lines across my face



Tell you the story of who I am



So many stories of where I've been



And how I got to where I am



But these stories don't mean anything



When you've got no one to tell them to



It's true...I was made for you





I climbed across the mountain tops



Swam all across the ocean blue



I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules



But baby I broke them all for you



Because even when I was flat broke



You made me feel like a million bucks



Yeah you do and I was made for you





You see the smile that's on my mouth



Is hiding the words that don't come out



And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed



They don't know my head is a mess



No, they don't know who I really am



And they don't know what I've been through but you do



And I was made for you...

Well Mr Murphy had to be put to sleep this morning. Of all days for his condition to worsen and have to do it. Murph was blind in both eyes and had a tumor on his little wee wee. It was getting much bigger. A few months ago he began to get black spots all over his back. Yesterday when Vicki and I went to call him in he was sitting about two feet in front of us and it was like he did not even know we were there. This morning there was mucus with blood in it in his urine. This morning Vicki and I took him to the vets and the vet felt it was time. My vet was not open so I had to track one down that was.

At least I know he is in a better place and I know the year I had him here he has had a lot of love and been pampered. I am grateful Vicki was there to help me get through this. It was hard on her too, as she had known him for years.

Gonna go lay down for a bit...

Well the courts were only able to find a half sister from Moe's birth mother. The half sister has signed off with the Probate Courts, asking me to be assigned as the administrator for Moe. Her hands are full right now, as her teenage son has cancer, combined with the fact she was not raised with Moe. The judge signed the order on Friday. Finally, I will be able to get Moe out of the Medical Examiners Office. Without the permission from the Probate Courts, I could not as much as talk to the Military to make arrangements for her. There are degrees of being an administrator. Mine is under very tight control of the Probate Courts and I have to get permission and approval from them each step of the way. If there are any assets and no will, the half-sister will receive the assets left after the bills are paid. The apartment complex has worked with me well thus far, as have the police and the Probate Courts. My job right now is to take care of Moe's funeral arrangements and get her bills/assets sorted; When I am done with that I am to go to the Probate Courts to do what they tell me to do next.

I have not much more to tell at this point. The flights are going to cost me approximately $600.00 when all is said and done. My Pastor is working on getting our church members to donate their frequent flyer miles for me to get up there. There is much I can do here while she is attempting that. If any of you out there have frequent flyer miles, or bonus miles, please let me know, or if you care to donate towards the flight, you can send it to my paypal account. If none of this works, I will have to go to the truck stop and see if I can ride up with a driver, which I hope I do not have to do. The landlady said Moe was living as a Minimalist, which I thought was a very nice way to put it. The police detective supported what she has stated. She stated they had to have a professional clean-up crew come in which only cleans up after the deceased when they have been there a while. Her bed had to be removed, as were the moldy dishes.

The sister and the Probate Courts have approved Moe to come back here with me. I am having her cremated. I own my home and live in the woods.

I am almost certain the MCC Church in the area will have a member I can stay with through this process. So that will limit expenses there. I spoke with a man from their church and will call him back this week. He said they will help in any way they can. I am on an extremely fixed income so I have to do this as frugally as possible without short-changing Moe.

My Golly... Even writing this, I still get a knot in my tummy. This does not seem possible that I am making arrangements for a friend of many years, much less six years younger than I am. She was so spirited it is hard, even now, to think she is gone.

Moe's website has already been safeguarded and will remain up and intact. The only thing that will be added is her birthday and departure dates. I will be handling this as I promised Moe over the years I would take care of it. I already had the info to do so. I own a commercial server so I am moving her onto it.

So here is the first update. This whole thing was such a wake up call, my pastor and I sat down and did my will this week, along with advanced directives, power of attorneys, and durables.

Well I have to get with it for the day... I hope all of you are doing well and enjoying the Holiday Season. If it is a seaon you have a hard time with, I hope you have support or will reach out for support.