Welcome To A Road Less Traveled

I have uploaded the "Love" from the 50 Days of Love sermons by Rev Sandy O'steen to my website. Once again, it is an extremely slow load, but well worth the wait. This sermon is right in line with what I believe love should or should not be... I know I am pretty PolyAnna about it, but maybe a little PolyAnna in all of us is a good thing.

*****Just click on the title and it will take you there....

I will write more about it later but have to run over to the church...

Grace & Peace,
Lorretta

Today marks the fourth year my beloved friend Barbara left us. Without question I still miss her. She may have been one of the most crusty old-time butches I have ever known, but under all of that was one of the most intelligent people I ever knew. You had to know Barb to appreciate her... If you liked dry wit, she definitely had it... Yet she could make you madder than a hornets nest within seconds. She was probably the only one I have ever known who had the ability to get back in your good graces as quickly as she got out of it.

I learned so much from Barb in the years I knew her... She was my best friend and my most treasured confidant. Yet I knew she would call me on my stuff as she saw it. She kind of reminded me of a Yoda in many ways. So much wisdom she held!!

I enjoy the memories of the years I had Barb in my life as a friend. I still talk to her often and when I catch a fish I hold it up for her to see. While we cannot have our friends forever, hers is one friendship I still get much enjoyment from in the way of memories.

I miss you my Dear Friend.

Love
Lorretta

Pastor Sandy did a series during Lent on the 50 Days of Love... One of them was on Forgiveness. With her permission I have added it to my website. It is a slow load, but is well worth the wait... You may be asked to download a license when the page loads for the sermon. It is safe to do so and is not spyware or anything like that.

I will be adding the rest of the series over the next few days/weeks. I felt, however, this was a good place to start.

Forgiveness
http://lorrettasplace.com/forgiveness.htm

Grace & Peace,
Lorretta

I have added Poem's, Prayers, & Promises as a blog. If you have some you would like to see go up, please email me on the The Poems, Prayers, & Promises page..

Click on the title to go to Favorite Scriptures.

Thanks
~~Lorretta

Recently I asked my Pastor to do a sermon on TOO. I grew up in a time and part of the country where roles were not acceptable. That would have been California. It was not politically correct to ask a person if they were butch or femme. One would have been met with a curt answer of "I am NOT into roles," or "I am just me," or "I am androgynous." For me this goes far beyond roles really.. We seem to be in the generation of TOO. Either one is too butch or too femme, too tall or too short, too fat or too thin, and finally too young or too old.

Are we as a society so shallow we cannot look past the surface of others? Or perhaps with age we have distant memories that help define the roles we place on others and the expectations of what we perceive them to be. I cannot help but wonder how often we cheat ourselves of the gifts God has placed before us in other people. Yet we hear "too" so often in our lives.

There is an old saying called "never judge a book by its cover." How great it would be if people would take the time to read the book and then assess. How wonderful it would be if we as a society begin placing our attractions on what a person has to offer inside and their personality. For example, what if we were to fall in love with a person because of their deeds, or the way they treat those around them. Or perhaps even for the different aspects of life each of us have in common. Yet so often as individuals, we will never know who a person is inside because we are caught up in what the cover looks like. Even for some, they may absolutely adore who the person is inside, yet they will tell themselves they cannot be with a specific personality for friendship or relationships because they are "too butch or too femme... Or "too tall or too short." I wonder how many beautiful books of poetry have been tossed as a result of less than appealing covers? The words contained in these books still hold their beauty and splendor...

Perhaps there will come a time in our society whereas the beauty within will hold more importance than external beauty...

I have installed the MCC and Gay & Lesbian News Feeds on my site... It takes a few seconds to load so be patient....

http://www.lorrettawoodbury.com/news.htm

Well I have been here in Pensacola for a little over 5 weeks. Some things have not gone the way I planned, but perhaps it is not about what I planned, but is about what God has planned for me. I love it here and I love Holy Cross MCC. Most of the people are nice and so friendly. For anyone who has entertained the idea of attending Holy Cross MCC, know that you will be greeted with a warm welcome and people truly do try to make a difference in your life by letting you know you are wanted and welcome there.

Holy Cross MCC has a praise team that is absolutely awesome and you can tell they are there for God, spreading the word of Jesus Christ, and want others to participate. They do not have privatized labels... Just Praise Team. I like that as I am not into clique's at all.. It is fun to watch them sing and play their musical instruments and it is equally as fulfilling to experience being a part of a congregation that wishes to be involved. I did not realize how much I have missed this type of service.

I have not gone to their more conservative services, which is at 11:00, but I am ready to take that plunge. I also love Pastor David... He is such a gentle spirit and delivers such powerful messages within his kindness and soft demeanor. He has grown on me so much and I appreciate him a great deal. I plan to start going to the Wednesday service on a more regular basis so I can learn more from him.

I look at the strength of our church. They lost their building to Hurricane Ivan and have survived four moves. Yet one has to hunt for a place to sit at the 9:00 service if they did not get there early. I have always been fond of early morning services anyway so this has worked out well.

Sometimes I miss the familiarity of where I moved from, but as I am getting bolder and bolder and venturing further out, I am finding this to be a great fit. When I am out with people who are not with MCC yet, I find myself talking about MCC, my love for God, and my love for Jesus Christ. The great thing about that is once in a while someone wants to go to church and see what it is about.

One thing I have come to terms with recently is I have no desire to deny who I am and my love for the Jesus. I am sure it may turn off some, but I guess the whole point is I could not have it both ways...

Additionally I love scripturally based sermons, and I know I have found exactly that at Holy Cross MCC.

Thank you Holy Cross MCC for helping me feel welcome in your Church Family...

I suspect I have never realized the importance of remembering friends/family birthdays until recently. I have a friend I have known many years who has bilateral breast cancer. The treatments, more than the cancer, have certainly taken a toll on her system. I marked my calender to make certain I did not miss her birthday and called yesterday. I left a message and when she called me back I knew it was her so I sang Happy Birthday to her. Now if you have ever heard me sing it is enough for you to wish I would have remained silent or you laugh.. She laughed!! I guess when I got to the part and many more I thought about this internally. Will there be more? God only knows, but I am glad I was able to tell her happy birthday this year.

I guess the significance of this to me is how little effort it takes to pick up the phone and make someone I care about feel special, even if it be for just a few minutes. I look over the years of those who were special in my life and I did not take the time to pick up the phone and make them feel better for those simple few minutes.

While a work in progress and striving for perfection, I intend to continue to make that 5 minute difference in others lives. I am working on a list of little things I can do to make others feel good.

Well this certainly has been a nightmare... But I finally found a solution. AOL has dropped my rate to $4.95 a month. However, I was not about to place AOL software back on my machine... AND, the last thing I wanted to do is go to their webpages just to pick up more spyware.

I figured out how to configure my AOL accounts on Outlook 2003... It will not accept it if you select the POP account setting. You have to select IMAP.

~So go to Add New Email Account
~Fill in the blanks as you go
~When you get to the radio buttons select IMAP

~Your Name
~Your Email Address
~Incoming Map Server = imap.aol.com
~Outgoing Mail Server = smtp.aol.com
~User Name:
~User Password:

~NOW click on more settings:

~Type in the Name you want to appear on your folder in Outlook
~Click on the tab Outgoing Server and Check My outgoing server (SMTP) requires authentications
~Now click on advanced and on the Outgoing server Port (SMTP) = Change this from 25 to 587
~Select Ok
~Repeat this process for all screen names you have.

What will happen is all of the folders you had on AOL will show up right in Outlook. LESS ALL THE GARBAGE AND SPAM...

Before you delete AOL, save all your important emails that are in the filing cabinet to ON AOL... This only handles what is server side on AOL.

Whoever runs across this, if you run into a snag let me know so I can tighten up my directions... However this will work.... Just picture this as a mirror of your aol account and you will do fine.

I have spent the last 10 hours working on my computer. I discovered uninstalling aol, EACH TIME I UNINSTALLED IT, did NOT uninstall it. And then... I had called AOL indicating I was ready to quit and they must have downloaded something on me as the last install I did on it would NOT let me uninstall everything. So I had to go into the properties and uncheck the read only properties on every single file.

Just to get a virus program on here I spent hours getting their lousy files off this machine. Thanks to SystemsWorks I was finally able to accomplish this... Even then it was a chore... Soooooo ... then I go check to see what has expressed access to my computer in my firewall. Over 100 aol checkboxes were checked and I know I did not check them.

AOL really need to have someone stomp on their toes good!! My computer was rendered almost useless... Even with my amount of computer background it was a gruelling task!! I was almost to the point it was going to be worth it to make my primary drive a secondary drive to save all the programs and install a new primary drive.

Yahoo, ICQ, and SBC Global were not much better and I had to remove a lot of files from them as well, but once I got all the AOL files removed the difference was significant.

Well I think I have ranted long enough about this!! At any rate Wipe it on SystemsWorks is worth its weight in Gold!! Thanks so much to the person who put me onto it.

This evening I went on a Dolphin charter with a group of women from WSO, an organization here in Pensacola for women that does get togethers. What a great time I had!!! It was so nice to be on the ocean and have the opportunity to visit with these women. There were couples and singles. It was so fun to see dolphins jumping around the boat. This was just about the most down to earth bunch of women a person could possibly want to meet. I am glad I went. I came close to chickening out on going several times throughout the day. This was an extra event, but they get together at least once a month. I am looking forward to getting to know them better. It simply amazes me for the size of this community how many things there are to go do here. If anyone from Pensacola runs across this and wants to go to WSO functions, email me and I will forward it on to the people who organize this.

What a great 4th of July this week was. On the fourth I went to some peoples home from church. They are very family oriented and there were at least 3 generations of family there. How fun to watch the children frolic, play, and try to be helpful towards the adults. Just genuine fun!! I tried something I have not tried since the impairment of my arms. They must keep getting better slowly, as a year ago I could not have considered doing this. I actually played horse shoes. Not necessarily the best game of horse shoes, but I was able to do it. I had to ice down that night and the next morning. Still not sure if the tradeoff was worth it, but at least I know I can do it... I wonder if others were sore the next day?

I am still muddling my way around to find my way around Pensacola, but it is getting done. Learning where everything is has been quite a challenge. I thought Corpus Christi was challenging when I moved there a number of years ago. It will be neat when one day someone says "how do I find yada yada," and I can tell them right where it is. Or at least point at the direction.

I am meeting people slowly but surely... Right now I just need to meet a few nice folks to bounce around with... I have been asked to go to eat this week and that should be fun... One thing I had forgotten and have found to be true once again is the question that comes to my mind when I am asked to go do things, is knowing if it is just to bounce around or a date. Right now I just need to make friends and am not ready to make such a profound move as to date. I tend to like keeping dating outside of my church family and/or social circle. Perhaps it is the ego factor if it does not work out, or purely the legistics of their continued presence if it does not work out. I wonder if straight folks have the problem of knowing if it is a date? When guys used to ask me out I assumed it was a date... When women ask me to go places I sometimes feel I need a clarifier; Regardless if I am interested or not. I have always felt awkward asking... Perhaps even moreso if I am not interested. Ö¿Ö

Also planning on getting some fishing in this weekend!! I am so looking forward to it.. I love my ocean and feel the need to fish as much as I used to. Still have not found any shrimp boats. :-D Well off to get my day started.

Well this was fun to update... I have added the affirmations page back on my site with updates...
http://www.lorrettawoodbury.com/affirmations.htm

Well here it is the 4th of July and I am planning on going to a BBQ!! I am excited about it!! My morning was spent ripping my home apart looking for my billfold. Nothing I hate worse than losing something as it is such an out of control feeling. Well after an hour and a half and a very out of control panic stricken feeling I finally found it. Now I have to spend hours putting this place back together. Oh Well.

I felt bad because I was supposed to take my friend to the base to see her husband who is in the hospital.. No Drivers license .. No getting on the base.. Hope her neighbor took her!! She has given so much to me in my life that I hated letting her down one of the few times she asked something important of me.

Well now I guess I should get ready for the BBQ and get some tasks done. Starting with putting everything back where it came from.

Have not decided if I should go see the fireworks tonight or not tonight. I love firework displays but don't know my way around Pensacola well enough to know where to park or not to park. With this honker van that becomes relevant very quickly. Mostly from the standpoint of a place to park it. I am not in the least sorry that is what I have though, as it awards me the privilege of doing so many things with it I could not have done otherwise.

Well it is task-time..

What a pleasant surprise to receive an email today regarding Troy Perry, the founder of Metropolitan Community Church's, launching his own website... Seeing this brought back the memory of running into Troy at the airport and flying with him from Burbank, CA. to San Francisco, CA. I was on my way to San Francisco to be on a Morning Television talk with former Assemblywoman Paula Boland and Troy was on his way to SF for different reasons. It was one of the most fun 45 minutes I have ever had. I will never forget when the Airline Attendant offered us a snak. Oh boy!! There were Tutti Frutti's in the basket. Ö¿Ö I forget exactly what Troy said, but it was something like.... Oh!! Tutti Frutti's - I MUST have some of those... People were reading their papers on the plane and it was fun to watch the papers rapidly draw closer to their faces. One cannot fly on the same commuter flight and not feel the presence of Troy.. That will always be one of my most favorite memories. While extremely devoted to God's work, he is not lacking in sense of humor. I felt a void when Troy retired, but he certainly deserves the long needed rest after so many years of dedication. The story of his being the founder of MCC churches is one to behold. How brave to open your home to anyone who cares to come and worship... Just amazes me where MCC is today!! I have few hero's and shero's... Troy is definately one of my hero's.

What a great Service at church today!! They did a PowerPoint presentation of all the members who chose to have their military pictures on the powerpoint. How fun to see each of them as young adults in their uniforms. Those who had been there much longer than I have, as I am a newbie here at this church, had some good laughs and chuckled over the different ones as they showed up on the presentation.. Even though, the spirit of everyone elses enjoyment was heartfelt and I enjoyed myself.

Pastor Sandy did her sermon in part on Liberty & Justice For All........ Except for Gay's, Lesbians, Bisexuals, and transgenderals, and anyone else Society wanted to single at at any given time. It was great... I had never thought of it quite in the way she presented it, but she was so correct in what she had to say... It truly is time we as g/l/b/t people stand up and claim a voice.

One of the other reasons I needed to hear this sermon today is I have been questioning myself over the last few days as to my decision in being as open about being a lesbian and a Christian on my website. After hearing her sermon I felt extremely validated in my choice to do this. If we don't start claiming our voices within this backlash it is my belief we are not going to have a voice to claim.

It is my understanding a Pastor from one of the other MCC's indicated on a sidenote of his sermon, the money spent on Pride Week would be much better spent lobbying Washington. I could not disagree more. I feel being out in numbers... In a healthy way... Is the only way we can indicate to society we are people too and give them a small idea as to how many of us are being effected by the backlash in laws and legislation.

I will be revising this with a link, as Pastor Sandy told me I could put the slide presentation on my website....

I also want to make clear that being Lesbian is not the sum total of who I am... And certainly not the sum total of who anybody in our lifestyle is. We are son's and daughters, brothers and sisters, artists, teachers, doctors, scientists, engineers, musicians... Many of us are your neighbor next door or your co-worker who you have appreciated and valued for years. This is just to name a few... Many of us are your neighbor next door or your co-worker who you have appreciated and valued for years.

We are people with feelings who love as anyone else does... Cries as anyone else does... Hurts over rejection and loss as anyone else does... However when we hurt and cry over a loss, all too often we cannot share our loss with anyone for fear of loss of jobs and/or friends. Well we can do something about the friends we choose, but we have to keep our jobs...

I hope there will be a day in my lifetime that I am truly able to see society embrace us even half as much as we embrace our heterosexual counterparts. I know many of us has family we would like to share our lives with who really have distanced themselves from us because we happen to be gay. I know I have family I would love to be closer to, but it is not possible as a result of my sexual orientation. I have family who is decent about it too... I just hope someday we as a society with far surpass tolerence and replace it with acceptance.

Well off to bed....

A friend called me last night upset because she and her girlfriend were breaking up... After listening for a while I said... Do you remember when you told me this was a magical relationship? she paused for a minute and said yep... I remember something about it... I could not help myself... I just had to say it... Well you know if you stop and think about it... It really was magic... She even disappeared... We both started laughing... At least I got a laugh out of her... After a while we talked about the fact that no relationship is magical... They take a lot of work, open communication, and compromise... No matter how life has progressed, I have always found myself not really knowing quite what people need from me when they call in that kind of pain... Do they just need me to listen quietly? Or do they need input? Perhaps a bit of my dry humor? I just never know quite what to say or do... I tend to always want to fix it for them even though I know that is not a realistic thing to do...

Welp... Better get some things done around here before the heat of the day sets in...

Well, I have been here a tad less than a month, but it has taken a while to get rested from my move. I actually started unpacking things today in a more serious fashion. Hello Pensacola!! And GOODBYE Corpus Christi. I won't miss it there!! The only thing I will miss about Corpus Christi is the fishing is great. Eventually there will be no open places to fish as I once knew them... Corporate America would much prefer these water lines were available only to the very rich and for corporations such as Landry's. I perceive Corpus as becoming a yuppie filled small city that is trying to imitate Austin!!

When I arrived in Corpus I knew that I was going to have difficulty finding people that were challenging to me, but at that time there was a whole lot of Ocean for a minimum investment. College was a good experience there, and I will always be glad I went. Even then, other than the professors I had difficulty finding people to engage with that had the ability of doing much in the way of critical thinking.

I have been able to go fishing once here in Pensacola and it is absolutely beautiful on the waterline. I did not catch anything, so I am going to have to start paying attention to the way these fisherman set up down here for this type of fish. I also guess I need to find out if/where the shrimp boats are so I can use fresh or live shrimp. In Corpus if live shrimp was available the bait shops had a white flag up. Anyone out there know if there are shrimp boats open to the public here? How about fishing on a barge? .. Any available. Last but not least.. Who wants to go fishing Ö¿Ö

Well I think I am going to go to bed early tonight. I got a lot done, but I think I have plain tuckered myself out.

I am sitting here half in tears for this girl and half in anger at a society that does nothing to protect those who are different. This film is being shown on Lifetime Television and will be shown again Friday, June 30th at 9 pm. This is one of the most tasteful and accurate depictions of what transgenderal people go through I have seen.

For years I did not embrace transgenderal people because they were different than I. Imagine that... A lesbian not embracing someone who is different. In retrospect I believe it was because I simply wanted to fit in the best way I could.. Even if that expense was at the loneliness and hurt of others. Then, about 2 or 3 years ago I met the most wonderful transgenderal person at church and it changed all of that. I adored both her and her partner. They since have had a Holy Union and it is recognized in the courts by default. I am glad I took the time to embrace them and get to know them. They are two I will always have fond memories of; Even though I have moved away.

Then we move onto the hate crime aspect of all of this... I look at how easily this could have been my friend who lives in the south. At times I believe the south is actually more tolerant than California... Even in the Midwest in Wyoming the courts convicted Matt Shepard's assailants of a hate crime. Why in California in 2005 did these young men not get convicted of a hate crime? It makes no sense!!

I look back over the years at the fear we have had to live under. I admire those that were brave enough to truly come out of the closet. For myself, until recently, I truly cheesed out. No More!! There is so much to do to gain the rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgenderal people... So much to do that I find it overwhelming on where to start. However I would suggest to anyone who wishes to start to make this difference is To Thine Own Self Be True. If enough of us have the courage to do this, it is bound to have a dominoe effect on society. Blacks, Hispanic, and other minorities did not generate by change in silence. I once coined the term No I Will Not Be Silent - For In My Silence There Is No Change! Although that was written during my advocacy as a survivor, it certainly fits the bill here. Regardless if it is the government, organized religion, the workplace, or the citizens in a community, making examples out of people is the most effective way of silencing the rest that I know of. To get the courage generated in numbers we need during the political climate regarding G/L/B/T people today is going to be more difficult, but I believe this is what must be done to incorporate change, tolerance, and eventual acceptance.

I can so relate to Gwen, in spite of not have Genderal Identity to deal with. I remember all the years of watching people be terminated from work, set up at work, and belittled at work... It brings me to a time where I was working at a small company in Pasadena on contract. A mother and daughter team started making comments to get me to bite, which I bit my tongue for weeks. Finally one day they stated that Aids was God's punishment to the Gay community. I stood up and said.... Well... If xyz percent of Straight men have aids... And xyz percent of straight women have aids... And xzy percent of bisexual women have aids... And xyz percent of bisexual men have aids... And xyz percent of gay men have aids... And lesbians only have xyz percent... Does this make lesbians God's Chosen People? Within a half hour I was terminated. It was ok for them to carry on for weeks in the background to make me feel bad... Oh well!!!

I also remember Eedie who was a hair dresser in Oakland. I cannot remember the name of the nightclub she was at, but we all called it menapause manor in those days as it contained lesbian's that were much older than we were. Who would have thought we would be in those age brackets someday. Eedie used to go to Happy Hour each day on her way home from work. One night the bar was targeted because it was a lesbian bar and only women. In the process Eeedie was shot and killed. If I remember correctly very little was done to the man that did this. More was made out of all the women who chased him down the street and caught him than what he had done to Eedie.

There was also Jim, who lost his partner. I had known Jim for many years. They were leaving a nightclub in San Francisco and Jim's partner was stabbed and killed as they left. By people who go out of their way to kill a faggot and win a medal, as we used to say in those days. I heard later that Jim just held his friend in his arms and sobbed watching the life slip right out of him. In those days the options of where to go were limited and if we were to meet people we had to put up with nightclubs that were in areas which left us less than safe and secure.

It is hard to look back over the years and see how many gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenderals have had to suffer the consequences of the rath of society, much less the alienation of the families of origin. What makes this even more painful is to watch movies like the one I posted on here, only to find out that the very 12 jurors we trusted to right a wrong minimized the crime and blamed it on society instead of the thugs that murdered Gwen.

I have personally known victims of hate crimes in our community, but know even more who have been ostracized. It is disheartening at best.

So much to say on this topic I may have to come back to it later...

Well Ya Gotta Love AOL Don't Ya? They got their claws into us when this all went flat rate and so much is done online these days that they have their claws into us now! I spent all day yesterday attempting to get AOL and Mcafee off my computer. At one point I lost my mouse and my keyboard. What a nightmare!! If I can get all this uninstalled I am going to read my mail from the web and no more software from them!

I called and told them I quit, but by the end of the conversation I knew it was not realistic as I have too darned many accounts/friends/websites tied into aol email addresses. So they gave me a rate of $4.95 per month with no additional charges.. We will try that, but I am still only going to read it from the web.

I have learned a valuable experience dealing with AOL the last two days. Use the Live Online Support if you have a second computer. It does not speak, so it is clear and precise. It may be a tad slow but it works much better than not understanding who is on the other end of the line.

Well now that I am back in I best start backing up files!! I am considering putting in a new hard drive and making it my primary.. That way I won't lose anything and can make this drive a secondary drive. I won't run nearly as slowly either.

I used to love aol.. Now all I love about them are my email addresses. The email addresses and I have a love hate relationship... I cannot live with them and I cannot live without them. Ö¿Ö