Thursday, July 12, 2007
Progress on the Kitchen Cabinets
If you remember the old pictures of the kitchen, this is quite an improvement. I hired Jes from church to come in and help me with the parts my arms would not allow me to do alone. I suspect with two perfect arms I still would have needed help, since it took both Jes and I to put the counter where it goes. I think the most scarey part was watching Jes cut the hole for the sink.
I still have to do the plumbing, which should take about 2 hours worth of work.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Home For The Holidays
Click On Title To Hear Music
I just watched this wonderful movie called Home For The Holidays. The gist of the movie was three children's parents were killed in an accident, leaving the task of creating a new family to their aunt. Their aunt was more than willing to undertake this challenge, only to find obstacles within the the bureaucratic system, which is called our government who cannot function outside the dots. The Act of Eminent Domain took their home via the power company. The aunt moved the children into her home. CPS deemed the home unfit, as it was too small and gave the aunt 5 days to find suitable housing.
I believe we all like winners that overcome obstacles. The aunt came up with an idea and of course the community was given the opportunity to make it happen. The aunt realized the Power Company wanted the land, but planned to demolish the home. So she very cleverly found a way to get the home moved, only displacing the children from their land.
This is actually one of the more clever plots I have seen and did not realize this is where it was going. The aunt, being the protagonist of the film never gave up hope and would not take no for answers. A trait and quality I find in real life as well. She took a half empty glass and surpassed the half full mark with her creativity and determination.
In the end, even the head of Social Services and the antagonist of the film, found in the families favor. These types of Polyanna movies still bring tears to my eyes when I watch them.. I guess I still have a little Polyanna in there somewhere..
Well I am off to take a nap. I hope all of you are having a splendid 4th of July.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
1 Corinthians 13: 1-13
Please click on the above title for the flash presentation of this. This is awesome. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 has always been one of my Bible Favorites.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Healthy Relationships
Well I have been given an assignment. I am not going to go into all the assignment here, but will start it all the same. My 'T' and I were talking about healthy relationships today. I was scoffing over the last one and how it made me feel to have been lured in and shelved. She asked how many things do I see parallel in more than one relationship that I am and am not comfortable with. hmmmm!!!!! Anyway later I was given an assignment... I found this following over at Wiki-Help and thought I would share it here. It is pretty good, and I actually found several things that seem to bleed from one relationship to the next.This is not laying out well as far as layout, so I have also added the link to the title if you click on it so you can read it there. I am supposed to research several authors articles on healthy relationships to get a cross sampling, but this is the first one I have run across that I could relate to some of it.
- Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Being happy is your own job and you are the only person that can do it. Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. The truth is that no one has the ability to make another person happy,
but often we can share in another’s happiness. Make yourself happy first, and then share your happiness with your partner. - Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work.
- Tell the unarguable truth. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection in a relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. Withholding the truth also constitutes telling a lie. Here are some examples of telling the unarguable truth: "I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at
the party or at school," "I feel angry when you hang up on me," "I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me." - Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal
relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings. - Make and keep clear agreements. For example, if you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them.
Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety. - Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about how you might do it differently next time. If you are
unhappy in your relationship, get curious about how this situation is similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner. - Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.
- Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything so tell her or him you love him and that you don't want to argue but talk and make it better.
- Review your expectations. Make sure you don't try to make your partner fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work--and will create derailments.
- Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a relationship. You can't have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say "If you loved me, you would...." They argue to hear the other say "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.
Tips
- The idea of "unarguable truth" is a stretch (not to be confused with facts). Every person has a relative truth based on their individual experience and perception. A statement such as, "I felt scared when I saw you talking to her" is a statement of fact, not truth. This is an example of a "feeling statement", which is
different, and its impact is significant. - It is not necessarily a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. "Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and "do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, "I don't think those pants look good on you" is a helpful question, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".
- Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
- Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
- Portions of this article are based on the works of Dr. Gay and Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks.
- All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe that they are losing respect for you, then consider rebuilding the respect immediately.
- Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship so try and call your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.
- Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender; just keep flirting out of the friendship.
- Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner.
- Be the first to tell your partner what is on your mind either positive or negative. Address what your plan is to remedy it. Playing guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and confusion.
Where Is *Yonder*?
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616).
adv.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
adj.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
One that is at an indicated place, usually within sight.
[Middle English, from yond, yond.
REGIONAL NOTE
The adverb yonder, from Old English geond, is not exclusively Southern but is more frequently used there than in any other region of the United States, and not only by older or uneducated speakers. Yonder is not merely a Southern synonym for there, which in the South tends to mean “only a few feet from the speaker.” Yonder carries with it an inherent sense of distance farther than “there” and is used if the person or thing indicated can be seen: the shed over yonder. Or it might be nearby but completely out of sight, as in the next room.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Flowers For Algernon
Over the years I have somewhat paralleled my life with the Movie Flowers for Algernon, formerly put out as Charlie in the 1970’s. I ask myself why this rings true for me… Not sure I can really write about this really, but will give it my best shot.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
In the end, Charlie was no longer the brilliant man he once was. The end of the original movie showed Charlie sitting on the same swing in his same mental retarted mode the movie began with. I wonder if Charlie would change the small morsel of being less different if he could have? But was he really less different? Different is different!! Regardless if it is generated by brilliance or retardation, or various degrees inbetween.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Words that soak in your ears are whispered, not yelled...
Please click on the above Title to download the power point presentation on this. Or you can click here. I have not been able to go completely through the whole powerpoint yet, but I have a hunch this is one of those I will find something new and profound every single time I do. It is thought provoking, will help you challenge yourself in a positive light if you can keep your mind open, and truly can enrich the quality of communication in all of our lives... Regardless if it is on an inner-personal level, at work, in board meetings, or on a spiritual level such as church.There is an upcoming series at Holy Cross MCC in Pensacola on Forgiveness and I was looking online reading up on both forgiveness and anger. I hope you will appreciate this as much as I do. I would say enjoy, but there are things in there that made me have to look at myself closely and made me a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps it can help all who study it to enjoy the quality of their communication skills a bit more later.
Meet Emily!! - My House Guest
I have company until Sunday. Her name is Emily and boy she is a cutie!! She sure knows how to bat those eyes.
Emily will be going home Sunday, so I get to enjoy her until then. She belongs to one of our church members who is out of town. Oh!!! Did I foget to say that Emily is Spoiled?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Theft of Reputation
I found this to be a very interesting article on Theft of Reputation. I had a pastor in the past who did one of his sermons on this and thought it was very good. I would like to share it with you..
Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).
The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).
An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.
Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.
Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.
The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!
William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.
Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).
Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).
The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).
An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.
Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.
Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.
The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!
William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.
Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).
The Drama Triangle
I recently found myself in a situation whereas something had to change. I finally realized I have no control over others in the Drama Triangle; Hence, the only person I can change is myself and how I interact. This article is awesome and has given me ideas which will help me make healthier decisions. I will be adding other articles that have good ideas as I find them. One of the things that was recommended to me was not contact these individuals at all and to not let them get my goat. While very simple, I think this is healthy advise... This sort of thing drains positive energy, takes away from the healthy things I can do with my life, is non-productive and is truly not of God. Additionally I have learned that just because a person has done something nice for me, it does not make obligated me to stay in this unhealthy process.Rules of Play - The Drama Triangle
Click here for a link to the printable cut-out pattern for a 3" pyramid desktop (reminder of the) Drama Triangle. For display at work or home.The Drama Triangle is a seductive high-energy blame-game which serves to redirect the focus of attention, energy and dialogue from personal accountability to the engaging interactions of blame, defense and rescue.
The Drama Triangle game depicts the human drama found in all great dramatic literature.
All drama involves a victim, rescuer and persecutor* (*aka: villain.)
Drama games generate excitement but defeat accountability, critical-thinking and personal power.
Most people learn the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer as potentially powerless children. Wise people realize that drama games invert the truth about interpersonal power. Victims appear powerless, when in fact; victims are the most powerful players in drama games.
Dramas are created and sustained by people who exchange the satisfaction of adult-thinking and accountability for the drama of powerlessness, blame and rescue.
Wars, politics, and organizational cultures are imbued with drama games.
All three roles need each other – and if you play one role on the triangle – in time – you’ll play another.
a. Victims attract rescuers and both need someone to blame.
b. Rescuers need a victim to feel worthwhile.
c. Unwitting rescuers are “do-gooders” without boundaries.
d. Persecutors always find their victims.
e. Unwitting persecutors can be people simply inviting accountability – but become labeled “the bad guy” for interfering with someone’s intent to avoid accountability.
f. The roles and conversations of the drama game players are recognizably consistent no matter what the details of the scenario.
The greater the payback for being a victim, rescuer or persecutor, the greater the intensity of the drama. The greater the intensity of the drama the more distracted from the truth - the players will be. Imagine what happens when someone suggests being accountable. Drama Triangle players develop an affinity and therefore skill for participating in interpersonal drama.
Most drama players prefer the excitement and adrenalin of drama over the perceived boredom of the truth.
There’s a price to pay for participating in the Drama Triangle. At the conclusion of each dramatic interpersonal scenario players experience a descent from autonomy and personal power into a vague sense of ennui; an increased proclivity for guilt, cynicism, and personal isolation; and a declining ability to perceive good intentions and truth.
Many Drama Triangle players live their entire lives within the perspective roles of the drama triangle. When players finally release themselves from the “trance” of drama games they experience relief and a renewed sense of personal power and self-confidence. The practice of being accountable for the all the choices we make – empowers us to create a life we can be grateful for and proud to live, share and remember. How to Get Out of Drama-Games
Ask questions that uncover possibilities for a different view of “the truth,” individual accountability, personal intention and gain, and the full range of choices possible in any given situation.
- discuss the payoff for engaging in the drama game - instead of acknowledging accountability
- expose the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer instead of being accountable
- explore the choices that were not made – and the consequences being avoided
- persistently call for truth-telling, accountability, and new choices
ASK: “What truth, accountability, choices, and/or intentions are you not addressing - by playing drama triangle games?”
Friday, April 20, 2007
Virginia Tech - Zero Tolerance Against Taunting & Bullying
I have been having a very difficult time digesting what happened at Virginia Tech. It was pretty hard to see because of the visibility available to us due to cell phones, camcorders, and college journalists. I have wanted to write on this, not write on this, write on this, not write on this... yada yada... I am sure I am not alone in this.First let me say I do not agree with this young mans actions. Please hear this. What I would additionally like to say is it is time the school systems on all levels start addressing the ignored taunting and bullying of students like this shooter. Simply put, it is time for the school systems and society to get their heads out of the sand. From preschool on, the emotional battering of students needs to be stopped and the youngsters educated that what they are doing is engaging in abuse. They have no idea how a few cruel words can impact the lives of so many. Certainly it has impacted every student on the campus at Virginia Tech. It has effected the lives of the friends and family of each student who saw what happened, was injured by the attack, and those who were killed in the attack. The dominoe effect will go on in ways we as a society will never know about. I repeat, this does not mean I agree with the actions of the shooter. I boldly disagree with his actions.
Perhaps stopping the taunting and bullying may not have made a difference in the outcome of this horrible killing spree. But maybe it could have? We won't know unless we try.
As a child who was a tomboy, walked funny, and was an abuse survivor with the insecurities which went along with it, I experienced the cruelty of other children. Now while I did not lash out in the way this shooter did, I can certainly understand his pain. As an adult I am still different than others, and yes, there are times I am still not included. Does it hurt? Of course it does!! I have had to learn to pick friends who appreciate and love me for how God made me. Would I hurt anyone else? NO... Most of us would never dream of taking it as far as this young man did. However, part of his difference was mental illness and these students and staff which ignored this were gambling with the lives of others. I firmly believe the school systems MUST quit ignoring this widespread problem. And it IS ignored... In just about every case after something like this happens, the news interviews teachers and students who all confirm these problems exist.
Additionally I do not believe outlawing guns will solve the problem. I believe a person like this shooter would have burned down a whole dorm to get his point across, and the casualties would have been much greater not to mention how horrific the crime would have been perceived.
At any rate I cast my vote for educating society and starting from preschool up to come up with a plan that will minimize this type of crime happening. There are no iron clad answers, but as a civilized society it is our responsibility to do everything in our power to not contribute to the problem. Even if zero tolerance of bullying and taunting reduces this type of crime in half, it would be an improvement over how the schools ignore the issues as happened here in this young mans life.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I cannot sleep
I could not sleep tonight so I said a little prayer. Well a long one actually. First I thanked God for all I have been blessed with recently; The gradual return of the use of my arms, the decreased pain over a year ago, and how grateful I am that I no longer need duragesic patches. I asked God for guidance as I am doing closure with an ex tomorrow. I thanked God for helping me make wiser decisions and standing up for myself. I asked God to work with me on my anger... Once I finished with all that, I asked God to help me leave my heart open to loving and being loved and guide me to not shut it off due to past hurts.
Then I asked God to help me with forgiveness. I have a hard time with that in many ways. I remembered a sermon that was given last summer by Pastor Sandy regarding how many times we are to forgive. I looked it up again tonight and the answer is.
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Well it looks like I have a few more to go. :-) So perhaps I am right where I am supposed to be since I have decided to get to work on it. Ironically while I was looking this up, I ran across something else... It was "How To Balance Righteous Anger". The place I found it was an audio file and I have no speakers right now... So I dug further and found a website that I felt had some good advice at bible.org .
What is the difference, then, between righteous anger and sinful anger? click on this title for full series..
We might suggest several distinctions. For one thing, righteous anger is always unselfish while sinful anger is selfish. It occurs when our desires, our needs or our ambitions are frustrated, when our demands are not met, when our expectations are not realized, when our well-being is threatened, when our self-esteem is attacked, or when we are embarrassed, belittled or inconvenienced. “Why doesn’t she do what I tell her to do?” “Why doesn’t he clean up his mess when he’s finished?” Those things inconvenience us.
A second difference is that righteous anger is always controlled while sinful anger is often uncontrolled. It causes us to say and do things we are sorry for later, things we never would have said or done had we been in control.
A third contrast is that righteous anger is directed toward sinful acts or unjust situations while sinful anger is often directed against people. God wants us to hate the sin but love the sinner, just as He does. And that means treating the sinner in kind and caring ways. Sinful anger lashes out against people.
A final distinction is that righteous anger has no malice or resentment, and seeks no revenge. In fact, it takes positive action to right wrongs and heal divisions and disagreements. Sinful anger, on the other hand, harbors bitterness and seeks retaliation. “He’s not going to get away with that.” So we make him pay. The angry tirade itself is designed to punish him, as are the cutting and sarcastic remarks, or the silent treatment that follows, or the malicious gossip we spread, or the way we try to alienate his friends from him. Sinful anger wants to hurt, even destroy.
God wants us to be angry, but over the right issues, at the right times and in the right way. He wants us to get rid of all sinful anger. If we are honest, we would probably admit that less than 2 percent of what we display is righteous anger, while the other 98 percent is sinful anger. It is that sinful anger we want to deal with in the remainder of this chapter … those sinful, selfish, spiteful feelings we express toward people who displease us.
I am glad I found this. It really helped. I Just wanted to share it! I think I can go to sleep now and face my 9 a.m. closure in a Christian way and strive towards not being defensive. Last week I had come to the realization I cannot change my ex, but I can change the way I am responding to it. Ironically, Sunday's sermon was pretty much in check with this realization I had earlier in the week.
Update:
Slept last night... Today went well.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Here is the country house!!!
Well here is the little house. Actually it looks smaller on the outside than it is inside. This was taken dead winter so the grass is not green. The front door with the diamond was not there. This was taken directly after that was done. We pulled the couch out of the house and that is what you see on the left. Someone actually wanted the couch, for which I do not understand why. I will show you other shots of the house and the property in the following pictures.
These are the floors while we were tearing them out. The roof was new and the interior walls are fine, so this was worth doing. The blocks on the house are fine as well. Mess Huh?
This is a side shot of the floor in the worst area... There all all new joists and plywood in its place now. We put plastic sheeting down first, then tar paper before the 3/4 inch layer of treated plywood. We followed that with half in plywood in both the kitchen and the living room. Jes and Walter from our church were the brains and most instrumental behind it. The floors being torn out were done by Lu from Habitat and my ex. There were others that helped as well.
This shot is the direction going towards the hall that leads to the bath and bedroom. As you can see the walls were all maroon in the living room. Still working on the cosmetics and the painting.
This is a picture towards the right of the house. The property longates to the right well over 3 acres.
This is a left view of the property but it extends further left than this. There is are more trees off to the left. The house is kind of in a cove of trees.
Well this is pretty much it for when we arrived to the property and first got started. I will take pictures that reflect what has been accomplished so far in the next day or so. It is fun to watch it snap together. There is still some drywall work that needs to be done. Not a lot of it... Three places...
I have to do the painting but am applying primer to each wall before I take off from there.
Anyway, here is the house at its worst and I will start taking pictures of what has been done so far!! It is going to be a cute house done.
Here are a series of pictures of the outside of the house and the property.
This is an 8 X 10 building that was given to me. There is an interesting story behind this. One of the people helping decided it was more practical to move the building across a half acre lot, out the gate and then put it on the trailer. She blew a gasket when I suggested that it would make more sense to back the trailer to the building... Ahem.... I do have a CDL and would not suggest something that would not work. Oh well!! I can laugh about it now
As you can see, I still have the van for those of you who know me. You will see the burn pile from burning all the flooring we took out of the house. To the back you will see where the wind blew over my ceramic inlaid tile picnic table. I cannot pick it up and am waiting for the first two strapping young guys I think I can smooze to get it upright. Or the first understanding soul with a portable winch that will let me borrow it so I can devise a clever way of getting it upright. I bet I close that pretty umbrella next time. LOL
Here you can see a picture of my back building that is bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. There is also my new fence that my ex put in. It was not totally non-conditional as I inherited her lab Leah and Murphy, who is almost blind. Murphy is a schnauzer. So I will pay for it in dogfood and reap the rewards in love from them.
Here you can see my orphan hibachi I found. Behind it is a bird bath. This is the front right corner of my property and the house is behind the hibachi.
My friend suggested I get a new hobby. There are over 3000 ceramic molds here give or take a few. When everything else gets done I will be enclosing the carport as I save up enough money to do this.
I have been telling my friends about crawdad (crayfish) mounds. Here are some crayfish mounds. look to the right and you will see one with the top kicked off. When I first got here the house had not been lived in for some time. As I have been here a while the crawfish mounds have receded back since the property has life on it again.
In this scene you will see a wrought iron bird bath to the left. To the far back is a bench made of natures wood. to the right is a bench and a waterfall. Dead center is a light. These three pieces are made of concrete.
Facing the highway, this is the upper right corner of my property. A few days ago everything was in full bloom. We had some more cold weather and that was the end of that. It seemed like such a gip. Just past those azaleas is a blueberry bush. The hole you see there is from fixing a broken pipe to the street. I have to find more topsoil to fill in and make it level. It is a matter of taking the time to do it.
This is just past the left end of my property line. The trees are thick enough, even here that you cannot see the house to the left of it.
This is to the left end from the middle of the street. In the next picture I am standing on the other side of the street.
If you look at this picture just before you go around the bend is the property ling. You can barely see a white truck behind the second telephone pole down. almost the furthest point you see really. It is 3.6 acres all together.
This is the creek. After the hurricanes nobody ever came and cleaned out the duct going across the highway. I have not been brave enough to get down there and do it myself. I am trying to design a contraption out of PVC pipe that I can just keep adding a piece and slide it across the highway until is breaks loose whatever is clogging it. I have a hunch calling the county will produce no results.
I realize this does not fit the theme, but I am posting it anyway. This is my little tracker I found driving down the road. I got it for $1,000.00. It does the job. I like it anyway.
So here I am, living out in the country... I ended up having to move in on top of myself as depicted by the ceramic molds. When I get the inside organized I will take pictures of the updates.
All for now and more later..
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
What a day it has been!!!
This picture is here for no other reason than I like it. Lorikeets are very beautiful birds and I have always been fond of them. I am fond of all parrots and birds actually, but their color and splendor just draw me in at times.Well I had a good day really... I loaded the last load that requires a van from the Bon Secour house. Most of it simply had to be removed. I had been sick earlier this week and had not made my way over there yet to finish up the work on the house. The realtor called tapping her toes, so I knew I had to get myself in gear and barge through the balance of this.
Today I made a phone call... It was perhaps one of the bravest phone calls I have made. I called my first long term g/f who now lives towards the east coast and became a scientist. I had been thinking about her a lot lately in reflecting on those I had let in over the years. When she always comes to mind, I remember a time I had received no therapy and thought all people behaved the was I was behaving in my late teens and early 20's. She was one of two special ones I had let in. She was the most wonderful woman who was actually real. Well anyway I called her today and considering who I was back then it is a miracle she did not hang up. It was awkward at first, but I am glad I did call. I was finally able to apologize to her for the way I had treated her when we were so young. She accepted the apology and we continued to visit for quite some time. She told me how her life had gone, the dreams she had filled, and the achievements she had earned in her life. She was still the soft spoken woman I knew when we were young, but it was clear she had found her nitche and was comfortable with who she is today. She had a bout with ductal carcinoma (breast) which was staged at zero about a year ago. Even tho it was benign she was given the same treatments as if it had been staged higher. I felt a knot in my tummy as she told me this. Her margins are clear and she is doing well. I am glad I made the call. I am happy for her that her life has gone so well. She certainly is a good person and that is a great thing. I believe she was the most sincere woman I was ever committed to. I wish I had treated her in the same way.
The web is a wonderful thing in many ways. Being able to research my early social circle and close friends has been a great thing. I glow when I see the various accomplishments they have achieved in their lives. Yet on the other side it has been a renewal of the message my parents gave me, which was I was wasting a bright mind. I would love to have achieved what those I knew did, but I guess, in part, I was not willing to do the work along with I had so much spiritual and emotional work to do I was not able to do the work. I am, however proud of my friends and loved ones for what they have achieved.
Well, back to the basics... I am making such progress on the house. I am completely out of the Foley house and that was sure an expensive lesson for misplaced trust. It was emotionally, physically, and financially taxing. I am just glad it is done. The Bon Secour house should be completed by Saturday and the steam cleaners can come in next week. So this is reduced stress!! This will give me 100% of my time free to work on my house.
Well Miss Sassy is setting on my lap. I think she missed me today. I think I will scoot over to Gardenia's blog and see what is up there. I have not been able to spend time on her blog much lately and I always enjoy her writings and creativity. Since she made it invite only I cannot push anyones buttons anymore. LOL So I will see what I can do for positive input.
It is time to sign off for me... Color me gone for now and will blog more when I get Bon Secour completely finished.
Friday, March 30, 2007
The Dash Poem Movie
An online friend sent this to me a few days ago and stated it had touched her heart and thought it would touch mine. She was right and it did..
Hence....
I thought I would share the link here.....
The Dash Poem/Movie
Enjoy!!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Criticism
The only way you can avoid Criticism is to do nothing and say nothing............
This will also insure that in doing so you will always be nothing.
Delilah, The Music Woman said this on her program tonight. I found it worth sharing.
This will also insure that in doing so you will always be nothing.
Delilah, The Music Woman said this on her program tonight. I found it worth sharing.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
My Day In Perdido
Well here it is about 11ish and I am so tired. I went to church this morning and my ex drove. It seems rather odd riding with her I guess, but it works out ok as my van eats so much gas. I enjoy being able to go with her and don't get to see her often. Sometime I still get sad that it did not work out.
Well I went to Perdido and started first by checking to see if I could fix the pipe leak out on the street. Of course I had the wrong coupling. I find this out after I bailed out all the water.
Well I started hauling things into the house. I am actually taking a load everytime I go now. No trip wasted!!!. So I got over half in the house and decided to work on the last layer of the living room floor. I got the plywood lined up the way I thought it should go and proudly pounded my first nail in it. Now this might not seem like a big deal to most reading this. However this is the first nail I have pounded besides hanging pictures since 2001!! For me this is a mile marker. For the last three years up until a year ago I had in home care because I could not as much as pick up a small frying pan.
Well!! I was so excited I pounded another nail and then another... I smashed my finger with the hammer. Actually I did not care too much because I was still proud that this arm that had once had a very large tumor inside of it was actually doing this. So I went onto the second sheet once I had sufficiently nailed that one.
A but later two ladies are at my front door. They were a mother and daughter team from across the highway. They only heard one hammer so they decided to come and see if it was me and show their support. It was very nice and felt comforting to know they care enough to come see how I am doing.
Well now I am home and I hurt all over more than anywhere else. But it is so worth it!! These are all muscles which have not had much use that I truly believed could never be used again. While this is taking longer than I had planned on the house it is rewarding to be able to do some of this. I could not do the beginning part of this floor, but the last surgery seems to have taken and this part I can do.
My friend JoAnn came over and helped me load the van again tonight. When she told me she was on her way to do this my face actually fell because I was so sore and so tired. She told me not to shoot a gift horse in the mouth and I was glad she showed up. We have another load already loaded that is going to Perdido in the Morning.
The way I have my day planned tomorrow is to unload a few things. Then work on the floor. As soon as it warms up enough I will tackle those couplings on the water lines. Then I will use kilz on the closet wall and paint the closet. While that is drying I will do another section of the floor. For a break I will bring some items in the house.
Tomorrow I am going to take a sandwich with me. I was pretty hungry when I got home tonight. It was just getting dark tonight when I got home.
More Later
Ya Think!!
Well I went to Perdido and started first by checking to see if I could fix the pipe leak out on the street. Of course I had the wrong coupling. I find this out after I bailed out all the water.
Well I started hauling things into the house. I am actually taking a load everytime I go now. No trip wasted!!!. So I got over half in the house and decided to work on the last layer of the living room floor. I got the plywood lined up the way I thought it should go and proudly pounded my first nail in it. Now this might not seem like a big deal to most reading this. However this is the first nail I have pounded besides hanging pictures since 2001!! For me this is a mile marker. For the last three years up until a year ago I had in home care because I could not as much as pick up a small frying pan.
Well!! I was so excited I pounded another nail and then another... I smashed my finger with the hammer. Actually I did not care too much because I was still proud that this arm that had once had a very large tumor inside of it was actually doing this. So I went onto the second sheet once I had sufficiently nailed that one.
A but later two ladies are at my front door. They were a mother and daughter team from across the highway. They only heard one hammer so they decided to come and see if it was me and show their support. It was very nice and felt comforting to know they care enough to come see how I am doing.
Well now I am home and I hurt all over more than anywhere else. But it is so worth it!! These are all muscles which have not had much use that I truly believed could never be used again. While this is taking longer than I had planned on the house it is rewarding to be able to do some of this. I could not do the beginning part of this floor, but the last surgery seems to have taken and this part I can do.
My friend JoAnn came over and helped me load the van again tonight. When she told me she was on her way to do this my face actually fell because I was so sore and so tired. She told me not to shoot a gift horse in the mouth and I was glad she showed up. We have another load already loaded that is going to Perdido in the Morning.
The way I have my day planned tomorrow is to unload a few things. Then work on the floor. As soon as it warms up enough I will tackle those couplings on the water lines. Then I will use kilz on the closet wall and paint the closet. While that is drying I will do another section of the floor. For a break I will bring some items in the house.
Tomorrow I am going to take a sandwich with me. I was pretty hungry when I got home tonight. It was just getting dark tonight when I got home.
More Later
Ya Think!!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Progress on my new home!!!
Well the cold weather did not help speed this up, but there has been major progress. Thanks to some members/friends of Holy Cross MCC in Pensacola and a couple of Habitat friends, I now have a floor in the living room. To God Be The Glory!!! The floor was completely shot. There is new sub-flooring, joists, and I am in the process of doing the top layer myself this week.
I will also be painting the interior and taking a full load up with me each time I go to Perdido. So within two or three weeks I will live in my new home. I am so very excited!! I now have two out buildings there and will be able to do my projects.
I am also getting the house ready my friends so kindly extended to me to put on the market. So much to do and it seems so little time to do it in. Between the surgery and the weather it sure threw my schedule some. I am so excited that there is light at the end of the tunnel that the setbacks seem pretty trivial really.
I am also excited about the decreased pain and increased mobility in my arm that is making it easier to accomplish more. I am not there yet as far as strength and all, but there has been progress. The last few days I have noticed it most. I am still sore, but not that brutal pain I have been experiencing.
More later
I will also be painting the interior and taking a full load up with me each time I go to Perdido. So within two or three weeks I will live in my new home. I am so very excited!! I now have two out buildings there and will be able to do my projects.
I am also getting the house ready my friends so kindly extended to me to put on the market. So much to do and it seems so little time to do it in. Between the surgery and the weather it sure threw my schedule some. I am so excited that there is light at the end of the tunnel that the setbacks seem pretty trivial really.
I am also excited about the decreased pain and increased mobility in my arm that is making it easier to accomplish more. I am not there yet as far as strength and all, but there has been progress. The last few days I have noticed it most. I am still sore, but not that brutal pain I have been experiencing.
More later
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Decision Made!! Blog will not be invite only...
Thanks to the private emails and the post from Gardenia on my blog about it remaining open or going to invite only because of a one or two people.... All of you had valuable input...I have decided not to let one or two people intimidate me about my blogging. Yes!! The person who stated I write different than I talk is absolutely correct. I am a writer and many writers write differently than they speak and it does not make anything they are writing about less valid! It just makes the gift God gave me to communicate and self-expression different than yours. Just like artists may create artwork that is surrealistic, but that does not make them any less real!! Musicians may play classical music in an orchestra but that does not mean they don't listen to rock or country music.
Ummmm... In fact I think writing vs. speaking is covered in my intro and has been for quite some time. So if you don't like my writings... I suggest you not concern yourself with my blog and go elsewhere.
The rest of you!! Welcome and thank you for reading and responding to me privately and/or posting through my blog. I realize many of you are more inclined to read and that is great too!!
Ya Think?
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Surgery Is Over...
I had my surgery on Friday. The good news is the only thing that was wrong is there was a spur in my shoulder that was hitting the nerves. While I am sore from the surgery, my shoulder actually feels better than it did prior to the surgery. A completely different kind of pain. I started Physical Therapy yet yesterday and while I am sore it is not unbearable.
Surgery got rather iffy because there were respiritory problems. They got that under control and things went better. The bad news is I was placed on steroids. While the hospital staff made it clear to those who took me I may not be easy to deal with on the steroids, I think there were still hard feelings. I never have done well after surgery and it almost seems surreal for the first few days. This time was no exception. Additionally the Percocet left me feeling somewhat confused at times. I don't remember a whole lot of the first couple of days and am still trying to get a handle back on things. Lots of missing time slots and sequence of events.
At any rate, I am home now and it feels good to be here. I had a hunch things were not going to go smooth during surgery and I was right. Hopefully I will not have to do this again!!
I can hardly wait to get my arm back. The muscle on that arm has been dead for a long time. There is a term for it, but I understand it can actually be built back up. I wonder what it will be like being able to use both arms in sync at some point here? I wonder how long it will take for it to feel natural to do so? There have been times through all this it has felt so bleek I just wanted out, but somehow that was not an option. I bet I will never take my body and limbs for granted again!! I don't think I will need chronic pain management anymore. Already I am down to a half of lortab twice a day, so this is a plus.
More later.....
Surgery got rather iffy because there were respiritory problems. They got that under control and things went better. The bad news is I was placed on steroids. While the hospital staff made it clear to those who took me I may not be easy to deal with on the steroids, I think there were still hard feelings. I never have done well after surgery and it almost seems surreal for the first few days. This time was no exception. Additionally the Percocet left me feeling somewhat confused at times. I don't remember a whole lot of the first couple of days and am still trying to get a handle back on things. Lots of missing time slots and sequence of events.
At any rate, I am home now and it feels good to be here. I had a hunch things were not going to go smooth during surgery and I was right. Hopefully I will not have to do this again!!
I can hardly wait to get my arm back. The muscle on that arm has been dead for a long time. There is a term for it, but I understand it can actually be built back up. I wonder what it will be like being able to use both arms in sync at some point here? I wonder how long it will take for it to feel natural to do so? There have been times through all this it has felt so bleek I just wanted out, but somehow that was not an option. I bet I will never take my body and limbs for granted again!! I don't think I will need chronic pain management anymore. Already I am down to a half of lortab twice a day, so this is a plus.
More later.....
New Years Resolutions
Well here it is New Years Eve Day. I have been listing what I need to do in order to enhance my life in 2007. First, however, I have been sitting here and listing all that was important to me which occurred in 2006. I have been studying which decisions I made that were effective, which were not effective, and how I could have made better choices. I have been taking inventory of how I was accountable both on the successes and the failures.
Some of the things I have thought about is what in my personality attracts positive people. Yet what other parts of my personality attract negative people. What can I do in 2007 to detour unhealthy people from my life and attract healthy people.
One thing I realized I have been doing the past few years is I got in a rut and was afraid to take any risks. My life stagnated as a result and was going nowhere fast. Having stepped outside that safety zone, I have been able to move to a part of the country which is more condusive to the type of things I enjoy doing and more me. I have also been able to purchase a home. Hence; If I do not risk in my life it will not go forward in a healthy direction and I will short-change my experiences in the world.
Part of my 2007 decision is to let past heartaches and failures go. Some were extremely long lived and I need to let them be a vague memory that does not dictate my life or hinder my life.
As far as having a life partner I actually let someone in my life after seven years and terminated the relationship as we knew it a few days ago. I still am open to having a life partner, but I do not need one to be complete, fulfilled, or happy. Next time I will give it a longer time to be sure they are what I really want.
Another thing I am working on and learning is in my business affairs is to ask questions and research first in order to make informed and stable decisions. This will serve me a lot better than whining over the surprises that show up as a result of not asking.
My goals for 2007 are to finish getting my degree, get my property fixed up, add more avenues for my spiritual life, and to do one fun thing a week away from the house.
Some of the things I have thought about is what in my personality attracts positive people. Yet what other parts of my personality attract negative people. What can I do in 2007 to detour unhealthy people from my life and attract healthy people.
One thing I realized I have been doing the past few years is I got in a rut and was afraid to take any risks. My life stagnated as a result and was going nowhere fast. Having stepped outside that safety zone, I have been able to move to a part of the country which is more condusive to the type of things I enjoy doing and more me. I have also been able to purchase a home. Hence; If I do not risk in my life it will not go forward in a healthy direction and I will short-change my experiences in the world.
Part of my 2007 decision is to let past heartaches and failures go. Some were extremely long lived and I need to let them be a vague memory that does not dictate my life or hinder my life.
As far as having a life partner I actually let someone in my life after seven years and terminated the relationship as we knew it a few days ago. I still am open to having a life partner, but I do not need one to be complete, fulfilled, or happy. Next time I will give it a longer time to be sure they are what I really want.
Another thing I am working on and learning is in my business affairs is to ask questions and research first in order to make informed and stable decisions. This will serve me a lot better than whining over the surprises that show up as a result of not asking.
My goals for 2007 are to finish getting my degree, get my property fixed up, add more avenues for my spiritual life, and to do one fun thing a week away from the house.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Post Christmas
I can honestly say this is one of the best Christmas Days I have had in a very long time. I was blessed with spending the day with my cousin and her family. I was nervous and apprehensive when it was about time to leave my home to go to their home. Once I got there everything was great. They are such kind and caring people.
During this portion of Christmas it has had me take a hard look at what Christmas is truly about. At one point during the Holidays I remember hearing the old story about Santa Claus and his gifting would be regulated by which children had been naughty or nice. It suddenly occurred to me what a message this gives to children who are less fortunate to see other children who are more fortunate to receive in such abundance. With that I began to explore what Christmas really means and how we could get the true meaning of the holidays back irrespective of cultural differences or religious preferences.
I am new to the area I live so I do not know who the seniors/disabled people are in the area I live. This is the first year in a few years I have not prepared a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for a few seniors/disabled people that were homebound. I miss that. I promised myself that next year I will resume doing this again. It feels so good to see someone so happy that they were thought of. I have considered adding someone next year that others tend to shy away from for being different than others as well.
Well I had a great Holiday and want to remind myself to love others and be there for others througout the coming year.
For those who pass through here, I hope you had a wonderful Holiday Season thus far. Regardless of your religious beliefs, know there are others out there who care about who you are.
During this portion of Christmas it has had me take a hard look at what Christmas is truly about. At one point during the Holidays I remember hearing the old story about Santa Claus and his gifting would be regulated by which children had been naughty or nice. It suddenly occurred to me what a message this gives to children who are less fortunate to see other children who are more fortunate to receive in such abundance. With that I began to explore what Christmas really means and how we could get the true meaning of the holidays back irrespective of cultural differences or religious preferences.
I am new to the area I live so I do not know who the seniors/disabled people are in the area I live. This is the first year in a few years I have not prepared a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for a few seniors/disabled people that were homebound. I miss that. I promised myself that next year I will resume doing this again. It feels so good to see someone so happy that they were thought of. I have considered adding someone next year that others tend to shy away from for being different than others as well.
Well I had a great Holiday and want to remind myself to love others and be there for others througout the coming year.
For those who pass through here, I hope you had a wonderful Holiday Season thus far. Regardless of your religious beliefs, know there are others out there who care about who you are.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The Christmas Spirit
Well here it is less than a week before Christmas. While I am enjoying moving forward and away from where I lived, I am actually missing the Christmas dinner at various restaurants I had the last few years with my friends in Corpus Christi. I miss Taz and her laughter and jokes. I miss her a lot, but this time of year especially. I miss seeing the crafts TC created for her friends over the year. She was so creative and talented. There was always something special about the two hours we spent at our yearly dinner.This year is a different year and while I won't have a tree this year I have so many blessings in my life to be thankful for. I am enjoying my new friends I am making and that is a Christmas blessing all in itself.
This will be the first year in many years I have been able to spend Christmas Day with relatives. I am excited about being able to spend the afternoon with a relative I care much for and the rest of her family. I will be spending the morning with my girlfriend and then head on over the bridge. I have not invited her to go with me and feel a bit selfish about it, but I really need to be able to do this on my own. Don't know why really, but it is important to me.
I have been looking over the year at many blessings. It was a pretty rocky year in some ways, but it held so many gifts... Friends who loved me enough to help me pack and get this far east on the Gulf Coast... Renewed hope that my right arm can be fixed... And gratefulness that my left arm is now pain free for the most part and almost totally functional. I have a church I love very much and a congregation within that church that has embraced my transition down here. I have my new home and am looking forward to working on it. While my belongings are scattered hither here and yen right now, I am grateful I have a place to scatter them.
While I did not put up a tree, I have hundreds of southern pines surrounding me and that is gift enough. I still have to finish my Christmas shopping and will go sometime this afternoon.
Well I have to go to Daphne today and do my pre-admission for my surgery on January 5th. So I may add to this sometime later tonight... Perhaps add to why I titled this The Christmas Spirit. I guess I don't need a reason, do I? LOL This is my blog. :-D
More Later...
Saturday, December 16, 2006
In Being Grateful
Here it is about 1 AM in Bon Secour, Alabama. So beautiful here; Quiet and serene. I woke up because of the racoons outside. I have purchased property, but it needs much work on the floors. The good news is I am house sitting while I work on my property. I am really enjoying house sitting in Bon Secour. I am out in the country... Far enough out the Postal Service does not come here. I am staying in the kewlest house. It was originally designed by one of my friends. More nooks and cranny's than the law allows. There are so many different types of birds here. So much color and variety.
The people who own this house also sold me my house. They have given me all they chose not to take with them. It has been like going on a treasure hunt while packing down their home to prepare it for going on the market. Everything from old antique trunks to antique dressers, to old unusual pictures. It has been such fun. I have enjoyed seeing the history of this dynamic couple. The irony is the things that have been left for me are exactly the type of things I enjoy but never could afford. I enjoy old and I enjoy funk. They were a bit of both. One of them told me they don't have any bad memories in living in this home for the 19 years they were here. I can feel the love that was held in this home for so many years. It is a great feeling.
The hard part to take is the reason they were leaving is one has Huntington's Disease, which is a combination of altzeimers and parkinson's disease. They consolidated and moved to the Tennesee Ridge to enjoy the remaining time they will have together. They were together since the youngest was 19 and she is 52 now. Should any of us be so lucky to be with someone with so much love and dedication.
While being here I have come to appreciate birds, as there are many bird feeders that I keep filled with food. I am blessed with seeing red Cardinals, finches, and birds I have no clue what they are. Additionally I have come to love the wild cats they could not take with them. I am going to catch them and take them to my property when I move in so I can continue to care for them.
This home has a unique layout. There is a loft upstairs with two bedroom. Downstairs there are rooms in the most unusual places. It is somewhat like a maze. I love and appreciate its uniqueness. There are out building that also contain little bits of this and little bits of that.
The neat thing about the things they gave me is it is like having a part of them still in my life even though they have moved away. The abundance that I cannot use I will share with others who will appreciate them.
Now about my new house. I am still grateful... I will get pictures when I go up. The floors need replaced and joist repairs must be done. The good thing is it is a block home and the interior walls are fine. I have to remind myself the materials are less than two or three housepayments for most people. Additionally I have to remind myself to be patient. When all is said and done my housepayments will be what I paid for housepayments in the early 70's. I also am learning to reach out and ask for help to get things done. I can actually picture my newfound furnishings in this home.
Well there are a couple of more things about my house. I have crayfish mounds in my yard. Guess I won't go hungry and guess I will have lots of bait. The house was built on top of a natural underground spring. At first it concerned me, but I found that there are ways to keep the moisture where it belongs because it is a block house. About half way down my property line I have a creek as well. You cannot see it very well as there is so much in the way of trees and folage. There are also berry trees. I think blackberries or blueberries, but I need to find out which.
The other thing is there are many pockets of clay, so I will have plenty of clay for my potters wheel. I have to say in spite of the complications and the fact I must be patient this sure will beat paying rent, having to move when rents go up or the building sells, or being around the element in rentals I can afford. I also appreciate the fact that I will be able to have livestock and critters.
Well it is off to bed for me. I guess mostly this post is about being grateful for all the gifts God has given me.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Bought some property
Well I finally did it!!! I have purchased a two bedroom block house that is a fixer upper. It is on 3.6 acres in Northern Baldwin County in Alabama. When I asked God to provide me with property I could afford I forgot to specify location. The house has a lot of potential and I am excited about the acreage. There is a creek running through the property and it is loaded with pine trees and oak. The property longates rather than runs deep. This area is not zoned, so I will have a lot of latitude towards how I use it. I will be able to do my pottery and grow as needed.My wish at this point is that my upcoming surgery will be successful with a quick recovery time so that I may work quickly at fixing it up. How I am going to finance this is beyond me, but I will take it a step at a time. God has provided me living space that is mine and I am sure God has no intentions of letting me down now.
Well off to bed for me as we go hang new doors tomorrow. That and fix the floor and I will be able to move in while I do the rest. 90% of what needs to be done is a good old cleaning and cosmetic.
Friday, November 10, 2006
In The Name Of Love
Reprinted With Permission of
Johnny Cash Eaton
Author of "The Gains of His Pain"
In The Name Of Love...
We walked hand in hand...
We did it in the name of love...
We took our stand...
We did it in the name of love...
We sacrificed more than you'll ever lose...
We did it in the name of love...
We were on the news...
We did it in the name of love...
We had our reasons...
We did it in the name of love...
We would do it all over, for the same reasons...
We did it in the name of love...
We planned a future together...
We did it in the name of love...
We stood strong together...
We did it in the name of love...
We took our turns...
We did it in the name of love...
We addressed our concerns...
We did it in the name of love...
We broke the silence...
We did it in the name of love...
We spoke out on the violence...
We did it in the name of love...
We carried the torch...
We did it in the name of love...
We sat in a swing on the front porch...
We did it in the name of love...
We gave of our hearts...
We did it in the name of love...
We had of our own parts...
We did it in the name of love...
We reached out...
We did it in the name of love...
We cleared up all the doubt...
We did it in the name of love...
We walked away from the fights...
We did it in the name of love...
We reached new heights...
We did it in the name of love...
We fought for our rights...
We did it in the name of love...
We were in the spotlights...
We did it in the name of love...
We shared...
We did it in the name of love...
We dared...
We did it in the name of love...
We prepared...
We did it in the name of love...
We cared...
We did it in the name of love...
We declared...
We did it in the name of love...
We paired...
We did it in the name of love...
We walked with pride...
We did it in the name of love...
We cried...
We did it in the name of love...
We opened up eyes wide...
We did it in the name of love...
We died...
We did it in the name of love...
We taught...
We did it in the name of love...
We did a lot...
We did it in the name of love...
We grew strong...
We did it in the name of love...
We will one day right the wrong...
We will do it in the name of love...
We will continue to fly our symbol of our love...
We will do it in the name of love...
We stand proud of our flag of bright colors...for it was made in the name of love...
In the name of love...
In The Name Of Love...
Let It Fly Freely...
In The Name Of Love...
Let The Rainbow Flag Show...
In The Name Of Love...
Let Our Love Flow...
In The Name Of Love...
Let Our Love Grow...
In Name Of Love...
Let The Hate Go...
In The Name Of Love...
Living Proof...His Living Years...
All Rights Reserved By: C.P.D.C.
Hate Crime In South Texas?
If you will click on the title you can go straight to the link where I found this. When I read this article, which is pretty current news, I was simply stunned. I was stunned on many levels. To have a hate crime of this magnitude to go on in the community I recently moved away from sent chills down my back... To have a hate crime this brutal to someone I knew (not a close friend) put tears in my eyes... To have adults withold information that could help catch these murderers, stuns me. I simply do not get it!! I have seen individuals in this community turn their back on what they know to be unjust and unfair before, but to this magnitude? I would never have thought in a million years anyone would do what is listed in the article I ran across.
Actually, I do not know if the article is accurate in all fairness, and if it is not accurate I would love to know about it. It certainly would help how I feel to know this is not true. However, from what I have seen within the community this is to have occurred, I truly should not be too surprised.
Additionally when I read this, the following came to mind:
First They Came for the Jews
First they came for the Jews
I did not speak outbecause I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.
Pastor Martin Niemöller
I have processed the reasons why a bar full of people would turn their back on a woman who was drunk. And perhaps I understand because some professionals go there for Happy Hour and are afraid of being outted. But I do not understand how any decent human being could have allowed this woman to be groped by three straight men, how any bar owner or bartender could have served her to a blivy and then allowed this to happen, or how any responsible person could have allowed three men with a clear agenda to remove this woman from the bar. I don't care what anyones job title is or where anyone works... There comes a time one has to stand up... If these men get away with this others are going to be placed in harms way. I also realize some of this may be well meaning friends of the bartender or bar owners. It seems to me the taking of a person's life is far more important than any fine the bar or bartender could receive. I also understand that the owner of this bar has been missing for over a year and possibly two years. I have to ask myself as quiet as his disappearance was kept and this bar is still running, if there are concerns about more surfacing around the bar owner's disappearance. I cannot help but ask myself at this point because of the magnitude of blatent selective blindness as to what has happened to Pat. Additionally I understand the fear of not having any place as gays and lesbians to go in such a small community. Well, there comes a time when one's social life is not the most important issue. It may very well be someone elses life you are saving down the road. Last but not least Pat's family deserves closure. AND these men need to be held accountable. IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING AND CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES.
I guess I have said what I believe needs said... If this turns out to be an inaccurate article I would appreciate it if someone would send me the correct version of it.
Is it not enough that we have been betrayed by a world who does not understand us, that we do not betray one another?
Nuff Said
Lorretta
Hate Crime in South Texas ArticleWoman Killed While "Walking" On SH 35
Pat's Obit
The Truth About Texas Hate Crime Legislation
Actually, I do not know if the article is accurate in all fairness, and if it is not accurate I would love to know about it. It certainly would help how I feel to know this is not true. However, from what I have seen within the community this is to have occurred, I truly should not be too surprised.
Additionally when I read this, the following came to mind:
First They Came for the Jews
First they came for the Jews
I did not speak outbecause I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.
Pastor Martin Niemöller
I have processed the reasons why a bar full of people would turn their back on a woman who was drunk. And perhaps I understand because some professionals go there for Happy Hour and are afraid of being outted. But I do not understand how any decent human being could have allowed this woman to be groped by three straight men, how any bar owner or bartender could have served her to a blivy and then allowed this to happen, or how any responsible person could have allowed three men with a clear agenda to remove this woman from the bar. I don't care what anyones job title is or where anyone works... There comes a time one has to stand up... If these men get away with this others are going to be placed in harms way. I also realize some of this may be well meaning friends of the bartender or bar owners. It seems to me the taking of a person's life is far more important than any fine the bar or bartender could receive. I also understand that the owner of this bar has been missing for over a year and possibly two years. I have to ask myself as quiet as his disappearance was kept and this bar is still running, if there are concerns about more surfacing around the bar owner's disappearance. I cannot help but ask myself at this point because of the magnitude of blatent selective blindness as to what has happened to Pat. Additionally I understand the fear of not having any place as gays and lesbians to go in such a small community. Well, there comes a time when one's social life is not the most important issue. It may very well be someone elses life you are saving down the road. Last but not least Pat's family deserves closure. AND these men need to be held accountable. IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING AND CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES.
I guess I have said what I believe needs said... If this turns out to be an inaccurate article I would appreciate it if someone would send me the correct version of it.
Is it not enough that we have been betrayed by a world who does not understand us, that we do not betray one another?
Nuff Said
Lorretta
Hate Crime in South Texas Article
Pat's Obit
The Truth About Texas Hate Crime Legislation
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Been A While
Well here I am in Foley, Alabama. I have been here going on two months. While I do miss living in Pensacola and the dream of living in Pensacola, I am reasonably happy here. What is happiness anyway? Who knows!! What may have made me happy 4 years ago certainly might have a different impact today.
Some of the updates... I live close to the Bon Secour River and I have fishing back in my life. It is beautiful here.... I could not ask for a nicer area to live in. The area I live is filled with so many trees that one cannot even hear the rustle of the wind.
Two major additions have been added to my life... Well more really if you factor in the wonderful people I have met here besides these two additions. I have finally commited to someone and have settled down. Not an easy task for me, as I am so used to being alone. The second little person in my life is Alex, who is three years old. I cannot help but appreciate him. So full of life this little guy is, and so eager to learn about so many things in the world.
I have not blogged for some time as I have been in physical therapy, which took a lot of my physical and emotional energy. Along with moving the infamous molds from Pensacola to Foley. hahaha On the physical therapy, I will give them credit!! My pain level has gone way down. And I actually got some mobility back. Not all, but it is certainly an improvement.
Well that will do for this post.
More Later.....
