Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Computer Crash
HMPH!!! Last night was a very scary night. I had a computer crash with a screen that come up and said I needed to mount my C drive. But every indicator was my C drive was there. XP would load just to a certain point and then would not go any further and would go back to the prompt screen. I tried booting in safe mode... NOPE .. it would not do it. I tried to boot with the last known functioning configuration. NOPE... would not do that either. I called Gardenia and remained calm considering all. She is having probs with hers so she could not look things up on the web for me to find out what the scoop was.
Finally I started digging through disks that have been shuffled between Corpus Christi and here. Thank Gawd I still had em, along with my Microsoft Office Professional. I had feared they may have become someone elses property through the shuffle. Well, I found the Operation systems disk and finally was able to get to the DOS commands by booting off the CD instead of windows. I ran chkdsk twice and after that I was thinking next I would have to use fixboot, but did not have to push it that far. Who says DOS is obsolete? Under the hood of every OS is DOS on a PC running quietly in the background.
Anyway, the moral of this story is treat your operating disks the same as you would your will or any other important papers. I am glad I am back up running.
Thanks Gardenia for trying to help me.... I do think this was a virus, but have not narrowed it down as to the source of it.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Puppet Master Defined in Laymans Terms
In layman's terms a Puppet Master stays in the background and pushes buttons and pulls strings. Those watching this trickery are not supposed to be able to detect the Puppet Master is doing all the talking. They are an expert at what they do.
Have you ever had a Puppet Master pass through your life? I believe we all have experienced it on one level or the other. In real life, Puppeteers have the ability to push buttons, pull strings, and others are doing their talking for them...
I fell prey to a Human Puppet Master and the Puppets On The Strings are still being manipulated by the Puppet Master who now lives in Louisiana. What I realized when I came to this analogy is for a good share of the time I too was one of the Puppets On A String being manipulated by the Puppet Master for several months. Tiz odd... Sometimes you have to back away from things to see them.
The Puppet Master, who moved to Louisiana is still manipulating her puppets. The puppets are still trying so hard to please their master. When I chose to take up a new occupation and retire from being a puppet on a string, the Puppet Master had her primary puppet and secondary puppet do her dirty deeds for her. I guess in theraputic terms this would be referred to as Triangles.
I guess it is part of living life outside of a bubble to run into folks like I delt with the last year, but you know... I have met very few over the years that equate to what I experienced and continue to experience from those below the I-10. I am sure they were around me in the world, but am glad these types of people were not a part of my life...
Monday, August 06, 2007
Just Because.....
"Just because your heart wants it to be does not mean it can ever be so..."
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
by Rosemarie Crisafi
Mother looks away.
Hubble captures a lotus in a square with four gates.
Father stands in a doorway.
A cosmic clock ticks in an archway,
Membrane tears as his stare penetrates.
Mother looks away.
Hubble detects the dark hole in the Milky Way.
Inside a ghost awaits.
Father stands in a doorway
On a world faraway,
A clock tossed, spins; a face rotates.
Mother looks away.
Footsteps approach in the hallway.
In casement, camera flashes, imprinting plates.
Father stands in a doorway.
Bronze statue blocks the way.
Chemicals release as she waits
Mother looks away.
Father stands in a doorway.
Copyright © 2004, Rosemarie Crisafi
Deep Dark Hole - Click Here
I am in a deep dark hole
........No Top
...............No Bottom
.....................No Sides
......................... Reaching Out For Solid Matter
................................Nothings There
~~Anne Woodbury 1967
Progress on the Kitchen Cabinets
If you remember the old pictures of the kitchen, this is quite an improvement. I hired Jes from church to come in and help me with the parts my arms would not allow me to do alone. I suspect with two perfect arms I still would have needed help, since it took both Jes and I to put the counter where it goes. I think the most scarey part was watching Jes cut the hole for the sink.
I still have to do the plumbing, which should take about 2 hours worth of work.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Home For The Holidays
Click On Title To Hear Music
I just watched this wonderful movie called Home For The Holidays. The gist of the movie was three children's parents were killed in an accident, leaving the task of creating a new family to their aunt. Their aunt was more than willing to undertake this challenge, only to find obstacles within the the bureaucratic system, which is called our government who cannot function outside the dots. The Act of Eminent Domain took their home via the power company. The aunt moved the children into her home. CPS deemed the home unfit, as it was too small and gave the aunt 5 days to find suitable housing.
I believe we all like winners that overcome obstacles. The aunt came up with an idea and of course the community was given the opportunity to make it happen. The aunt realized the Power Company wanted the land, but planned to demolish the home. So she very cleverly found a way to get the home moved, only displacing the children from their land.
This is actually one of the more clever plots I have seen and did not realize this is where it was going. The aunt, being the protagonist of the film never gave up hope and would not take no for answers. A trait and quality I find in real life as well. She took a half empty glass and surpassed the half full mark with her creativity and determination.
In the end, even the head of Social Services and the antagonist of the film, found in the families favor. These types of Polyanna movies still bring tears to my eyes when I watch them.. I guess I still have a little Polyanna in there somewhere..
Well I am off to take a nap. I hope all of you are having a splendid 4th of July.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
1 Corinthians 13: 1-13
Please click on the above title for the flash presentation of this. This is awesome. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 has always been one of my Bible Favorites.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Healthy Relationships
Well I have been given an assignment. I am not going to go into all the assignment here, but will start it all the same. My 'T' and I were talking about healthy relationships today. I was scoffing over the last one and how it made me feel to have been lured in and shelved. She asked how many things do I see parallel in more than one relationship that I am and am not comfortable with. hmmmm!!!!! Anyway later I was given an assignment... I found this following over at Wiki-Help and thought I would share it here. It is pretty good, and I actually found several things that seem to bleed from one relationship to the next.This is not laying out well as far as layout, so I have also added the link to the title if you click on it so you can read it there. I am supposed to research several authors articles on healthy relationships to get a cross sampling, but this is the first one I have run across that I could relate to some of it.
- Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Being happy is your own job and you are the only person that can do it. Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. The truth is that no one has the ability to make another person happy,
but often we can share in another’s happiness. Make yourself happy first, and then share your happiness with your partner. - Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work.
- Tell the unarguable truth. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection in a relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. Withholding the truth also constitutes telling a lie. Here are some examples of telling the unarguable truth: "I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at
the party or at school," "I feel angry when you hang up on me," "I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me." - Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal
relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings. - Make and keep clear agreements. For example, if you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them.
Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety. - Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about how you might do it differently next time. If you are
unhappy in your relationship, get curious about how this situation is similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner. - Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.
- Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything so tell her or him you love him and that you don't want to argue but talk and make it better.
- Review your expectations. Make sure you don't try to make your partner fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work--and will create derailments.
- Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a relationship. You can't have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say "If you loved me, you would...." They argue to hear the other say "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.
Tips
- The idea of "unarguable truth" is a stretch (not to be confused with facts). Every person has a relative truth based on their individual experience and perception. A statement such as, "I felt scared when I saw you talking to her" is a statement of fact, not truth. This is an example of a "feeling statement", which is
different, and its impact is significant. - It is not necessarily a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. "Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and "do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, "I don't think those pants look good on you" is a helpful question, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".
- Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
- Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
- Portions of this article are based on the works of Dr. Gay and Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks.
- All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe that they are losing respect for you, then consider rebuilding the respect immediately.
- Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship so try and call your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.
- Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender; just keep flirting out of the friendship.
- Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner.
- Be the first to tell your partner what is on your mind either positive or negative. Address what your plan is to remedy it. Playing guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and confusion.
Where Is *Yonder*?
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616).
adv.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
adj.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
One that is at an indicated place, usually within sight.
[Middle English, from yond, yond.
REGIONAL NOTE
The adverb yonder, from Old English geond, is not exclusively Southern but is more frequently used there than in any other region of the United States, and not only by older or uneducated speakers. Yonder is not merely a Southern synonym for there, which in the South tends to mean “only a few feet from the speaker.” Yonder carries with it an inherent sense of distance farther than “there” and is used if the person or thing indicated can be seen: the shed over yonder. Or it might be nearby but completely out of sight, as in the next room.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Flowers For Algernon
Over the years I have somewhat paralleled my life with the Movie Flowers for Algernon, formerly put out as Charlie in the 1970’s. I ask myself why this rings true for me… Not sure I can really write about this really, but will give it my best shot.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
In the end, Charlie was no longer the brilliant man he once was. The end of the original movie showed Charlie sitting on the same swing in his same mental retarted mode the movie began with. I wonder if Charlie would change the small morsel of being less different if he could have? But was he really less different? Different is different!! Regardless if it is generated by brilliance or retardation, or various degrees inbetween.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Words that soak in your ears are whispered, not yelled...
Please click on the above Title to download the power point presentation on this. Or you can click here. I have not been able to go completely through the whole powerpoint yet, but I have a hunch this is one of those I will find something new and profound every single time I do. It is thought provoking, will help you challenge yourself in a positive light if you can keep your mind open, and truly can enrich the quality of communication in all of our lives... Regardless if it is on an inner-personal level, at work, in board meetings, or on a spiritual level such as church.There is an upcoming series at Holy Cross MCC in Pensacola on Forgiveness and I was looking online reading up on both forgiveness and anger. I hope you will appreciate this as much as I do. I would say enjoy, but there are things in there that made me have to look at myself closely and made me a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps it can help all who study it to enjoy the quality of their communication skills a bit more later.
Meet Emily!! - My House Guest
I have company until Sunday. Her name is Emily and boy she is a cutie!! She sure knows how to bat those eyes.
Emily will be going home Sunday, so I get to enjoy her until then. She belongs to one of our church members who is out of town. Oh!!! Did I foget to say that Emily is Spoiled?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Theft of Reputation
I found this to be a very interesting article on Theft of Reputation. I had a pastor in the past who did one of his sermons on this and thought it was very good. I would like to share it with you..
Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).
The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).
An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.
Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.
Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.
The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!
William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.
Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).
Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).
The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).
An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.
Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.
Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.
The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!
William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.
Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).
The Drama Triangle
I recently found myself in a situation whereas something had to change. I finally realized I have no control over others in the Drama Triangle; Hence, the only person I can change is myself and how I interact. This article is awesome and has given me ideas which will help me make healthier decisions. I will be adding other articles that have good ideas as I find them. One of the things that was recommended to me was not contact these individuals at all and to not let them get my goat. While very simple, I think this is healthy advise... This sort of thing drains positive energy, takes away from the healthy things I can do with my life, is non-productive and is truly not of God. Additionally I have learned that just because a person has done something nice for me, it does not make obligated me to stay in this unhealthy process.Rules of Play - The Drama Triangle
Click here for a link to the printable cut-out pattern for a 3" pyramid desktop (reminder of the) Drama Triangle. For display at work or home.The Drama Triangle is a seductive high-energy blame-game which serves to redirect the focus of attention, energy and dialogue from personal accountability to the engaging interactions of blame, defense and rescue.
The Drama Triangle game depicts the human drama found in all great dramatic literature.
All drama involves a victim, rescuer and persecutor* (*aka: villain.)
Drama games generate excitement but defeat accountability, critical-thinking and personal power.
Most people learn the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer as potentially powerless children. Wise people realize that drama games invert the truth about interpersonal power. Victims appear powerless, when in fact; victims are the most powerful players in drama games.
Dramas are created and sustained by people who exchange the satisfaction of adult-thinking and accountability for the drama of powerlessness, blame and rescue.
Wars, politics, and organizational cultures are imbued with drama games.
All three roles need each other – and if you play one role on the triangle – in time – you’ll play another.
a. Victims attract rescuers and both need someone to blame.
b. Rescuers need a victim to feel worthwhile.
c. Unwitting rescuers are “do-gooders” without boundaries.
d. Persecutors always find their victims.
e. Unwitting persecutors can be people simply inviting accountability – but become labeled “the bad guy” for interfering with someone’s intent to avoid accountability.
f. The roles and conversations of the drama game players are recognizably consistent no matter what the details of the scenario.
The greater the payback for being a victim, rescuer or persecutor, the greater the intensity of the drama. The greater the intensity of the drama the more distracted from the truth - the players will be. Imagine what happens when someone suggests being accountable. Drama Triangle players develop an affinity and therefore skill for participating in interpersonal drama.
Most drama players prefer the excitement and adrenalin of drama over the perceived boredom of the truth.
There’s a price to pay for participating in the Drama Triangle. At the conclusion of each dramatic interpersonal scenario players experience a descent from autonomy and personal power into a vague sense of ennui; an increased proclivity for guilt, cynicism, and personal isolation; and a declining ability to perceive good intentions and truth.
Many Drama Triangle players live their entire lives within the perspective roles of the drama triangle. When players finally release themselves from the “trance” of drama games they experience relief and a renewed sense of personal power and self-confidence. The practice of being accountable for the all the choices we make – empowers us to create a life we can be grateful for and proud to live, share and remember. How to Get Out of Drama-Games
Ask questions that uncover possibilities for a different view of “the truth,” individual accountability, personal intention and gain, and the full range of choices possible in any given situation.
- discuss the payoff for engaging in the drama game - instead of acknowledging accountability
- expose the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer instead of being accountable
- explore the choices that were not made – and the consequences being avoided
- persistently call for truth-telling, accountability, and new choices
ASK: “What truth, accountability, choices, and/or intentions are you not addressing - by playing drama triangle games?”
Friday, April 20, 2007
Virginia Tech - Zero Tolerance Against Taunting & Bullying
I have been having a very difficult time digesting what happened at Virginia Tech. It was pretty hard to see because of the visibility available to us due to cell phones, camcorders, and college journalists. I have wanted to write on this, not write on this, write on this, not write on this... yada yada... I am sure I am not alone in this.First let me say I do not agree with this young mans actions. Please hear this. What I would additionally like to say is it is time the school systems on all levels start addressing the ignored taunting and bullying of students like this shooter. Simply put, it is time for the school systems and society to get their heads out of the sand. From preschool on, the emotional battering of students needs to be stopped and the youngsters educated that what they are doing is engaging in abuse. They have no idea how a few cruel words can impact the lives of so many. Certainly it has impacted every student on the campus at Virginia Tech. It has effected the lives of the friends and family of each student who saw what happened, was injured by the attack, and those who were killed in the attack. The dominoe effect will go on in ways we as a society will never know about. I repeat, this does not mean I agree with the actions of the shooter. I boldly disagree with his actions.
Perhaps stopping the taunting and bullying may not have made a difference in the outcome of this horrible killing spree. But maybe it could have? We won't know unless we try.
As a child who was a tomboy, walked funny, and was an abuse survivor with the insecurities which went along with it, I experienced the cruelty of other children. Now while I did not lash out in the way this shooter did, I can certainly understand his pain. As an adult I am still different than others, and yes, there are times I am still not included. Does it hurt? Of course it does!! I have had to learn to pick friends who appreciate and love me for how God made me. Would I hurt anyone else? NO... Most of us would never dream of taking it as far as this young man did. However, part of his difference was mental illness and these students and staff which ignored this were gambling with the lives of others. I firmly believe the school systems MUST quit ignoring this widespread problem. And it IS ignored... In just about every case after something like this happens, the news interviews teachers and students who all confirm these problems exist.
Additionally I do not believe outlawing guns will solve the problem. I believe a person like this shooter would have burned down a whole dorm to get his point across, and the casualties would have been much greater not to mention how horrific the crime would have been perceived.
At any rate I cast my vote for educating society and starting from preschool up to come up with a plan that will minimize this type of crime happening. There are no iron clad answers, but as a civilized society it is our responsibility to do everything in our power to not contribute to the problem. Even if zero tolerance of bullying and taunting reduces this type of crime in half, it would be an improvement over how the schools ignore the issues as happened here in this young mans life.
