Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Self Empowerment - Casting out the negative and embracing the positive!
Reflecting over the past year, I have come to realize the way I am viewing life, myself, and others is changing. I have come to realize the quality of our life is about choices... The choice to let go of the old... The choice to invite healthier people into our lives... The choice not to set ourselves up... Or even something as simple as the choice to concentrate on the good in a person, as opposed to their downside... Now of course that does not mean remain immersed with those who have chosen to spend their lives in a victim role with no rays of sun in sight.
I believe it was Rita Mae Brown who once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." While I have heard this over the years, I don't believe it really struck home as to how true and profound this statement is. It is in recent times I have learned this to be true. For example, for years I defined myself as not worthy if I were not in a relationship. I continued to settle out in order to be in a relationship and would give up what I was doing for others. Of course, it would result in another failed relationship and I would be back to square one starting my adult life over. Some time later, usually when I was finally getting something going for myself that was positive, I would attract someone else and would do the same thing again. Well the thing is, when I have something going for myself, and I am positive and happy, I am going to attract others. When I am living life in a victim role, others are going to scatter if they are in fact healthy.
I finally broke out of the relationship addiction mold late last summer. For the first time I did not give up myself or what I was doing for others. While I stayed in it long enough to rain on my financial parade for a few months, I have actually begun to see daylight from this too. I voted with my feet and told them they could not live here. But I still have my home, I still have my sanity, and I did not forfeit my plans of laying a foundation for security for myself.
Recently, someone who I was actually interested in years ago and was not interested in me at that time began to show an interest... I found myself leery and remembered they had lived their life in chaos and in victim mode when I once knew them. One of my friends felt I should embrace them into my life and consider having a relationship with them. I expressed my concerns to my friend and told them I would try to keep an open mind and give them room for having achieved possible growth over the years. Well this person began to call me more and as time went by the calls began to deteriorate and seemed to be centered around how the world has done them wrong, how their family has done them wrong, and still in the place of not making the necessary adjustments to move past all this. In reality they were on the same page they were many years ago.
I finally found myself speaking up asking them if they had sought out counseling and told them the only thing they could change in the equation was themselves. I found myself uncomfortable as time had progressed because I realized this was me not all that long ago. I had been living my life in a victim role for a very long time and it took grabbing myself by the heels and making one foot step in front of the other to discontinue living life this way.
I do know one thing for certain; I am happy living my life alone and I do not define my self worth today by being with another person. I have few friends, but the friends I do have live life in a positive way and are self empowered. I no longer measure my self worth by how many friends I have, but rather the quality of the few friends I have. I don't have much in monetary things, but the things I do have are truly me and not to impress others...
I don't spend my life working with survivors anymore, for in reality they were content living their lives in victim roles. I was simply the sounding board, while in reality we were fueling one another. Actually, I have come to the realization the term survivor is really rhetoric and is politically correct jargon. While one may survive trauma or inadequate care as a child, thriving comes with the willingness to let go, the willingness to forgive, the willingness to create a meaningful life for ourselves. Hence; Self Empowerment must come into play for us to have productive lives. That cannot come with pointing our fingers at everyone else for the failures in our own lives. We must address our own role in everything we do if we are going to reap the benefits of continued growth. While my life is not perfect and I have a long ways to go to overcome bad habits and ways of living my life, my life is nothing like it was when I was living it in this way..
I have come to learn that self empowerment is not about pleasing others or getting the needy puppy dog pat on the head for how well I am doing. If I am truly self empowered, and I believe I have finally gotten there, the rewards will show in every aspect of my life and a pat on the head will not be important. Those I used to seek the pat on the head from were indeed self empowered and they were not seeking pats on the head from others.
I am doing well now, and I know I will attract others who like what they see and want what I have. However their happiness and self empowerment has to come from inside them and if they are trying to achieve what I have through being with me, it cannot work. This falls true in reverse as well... I cannot find my happiness and wellness through another. It must come from within or is doomed for failure.
So I guess I will pass on my crush from many years ago.. I have to remind myself not to try to counsel them, as their growth can only come from hard work and choices to move their life forward. I can love them and care about them on a more sparing level and in a Christian way. I have suggested to them they may wish to seek out counseling.
So here's to continued growth, continued changes, and positive thinking. Here is to forgiving others, forgiving myself, making better decision, and continuing my path to Self Empowerment.
I believe it was Rita Mae Brown who once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." While I have heard this over the years, I don't believe it really struck home as to how true and profound this statement is. It is in recent times I have learned this to be true. For example, for years I defined myself as not worthy if I were not in a relationship. I continued to settle out in order to be in a relationship and would give up what I was doing for others. Of course, it would result in another failed relationship and I would be back to square one starting my adult life over. Some time later, usually when I was finally getting something going for myself that was positive, I would attract someone else and would do the same thing again. Well the thing is, when I have something going for myself, and I am positive and happy, I am going to attract others. When I am living life in a victim role, others are going to scatter if they are in fact healthy.
I finally broke out of the relationship addiction mold late last summer. For the first time I did not give up myself or what I was doing for others. While I stayed in it long enough to rain on my financial parade for a few months, I have actually begun to see daylight from this too. I voted with my feet and told them they could not live here. But I still have my home, I still have my sanity, and I did not forfeit my plans of laying a foundation for security for myself.
Recently, someone who I was actually interested in years ago and was not interested in me at that time began to show an interest... I found myself leery and remembered they had lived their life in chaos and in victim mode when I once knew them. One of my friends felt I should embrace them into my life and consider having a relationship with them. I expressed my concerns to my friend and told them I would try to keep an open mind and give them room for having achieved possible growth over the years. Well this person began to call me more and as time went by the calls began to deteriorate and seemed to be centered around how the world has done them wrong, how their family has done them wrong, and still in the place of not making the necessary adjustments to move past all this. In reality they were on the same page they were many years ago.
I finally found myself speaking up asking them if they had sought out counseling and told them the only thing they could change in the equation was themselves. I found myself uncomfortable as time had progressed because I realized this was me not all that long ago. I had been living my life in a victim role for a very long time and it took grabbing myself by the heels and making one foot step in front of the other to discontinue living life this way.
I do know one thing for certain; I am happy living my life alone and I do not define my self worth today by being with another person. I have few friends, but the friends I do have live life in a positive way and are self empowered. I no longer measure my self worth by how many friends I have, but rather the quality of the few friends I have. I don't have much in monetary things, but the things I do have are truly me and not to impress others...
I don't spend my life working with survivors anymore, for in reality they were content living their lives in victim roles. I was simply the sounding board, while in reality we were fueling one another. Actually, I have come to the realization the term survivor is really rhetoric and is politically correct jargon. While one may survive trauma or inadequate care as a child, thriving comes with the willingness to let go, the willingness to forgive, the willingness to create a meaningful life for ourselves. Hence; Self Empowerment must come into play for us to have productive lives. That cannot come with pointing our fingers at everyone else for the failures in our own lives. We must address our own role in everything we do if we are going to reap the benefits of continued growth. While my life is not perfect and I have a long ways to go to overcome bad habits and ways of living my life, my life is nothing like it was when I was living it in this way..
I have come to learn that self empowerment is not about pleasing others or getting the needy puppy dog pat on the head for how well I am doing. If I am truly self empowered, and I believe I have finally gotten there, the rewards will show in every aspect of my life and a pat on the head will not be important. Those I used to seek the pat on the head from were indeed self empowered and they were not seeking pats on the head from others.
I am doing well now, and I know I will attract others who like what they see and want what I have. However their happiness and self empowerment has to come from inside them and if they are trying to achieve what I have through being with me, it cannot work. This falls true in reverse as well... I cannot find my happiness and wellness through another. It must come from within or is doomed for failure.
So I guess I will pass on my crush from many years ago.. I have to remind myself not to try to counsel them, as their growth can only come from hard work and choices to move their life forward. I can love them and care about them on a more sparing level and in a Christian way. I have suggested to them they may wish to seek out counseling.
So here's to continued growth, continued changes, and positive thinking. Here is to forgiving others, forgiving myself, making better decision, and continuing my path to Self Empowerment.
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