Welcome To A Road Less Traveled

Well it is no secret I have been known to use the online personals to meet someone.. Now we have heard the saying Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, but is it really that different than meeting someone in person?

This post is mostly in gest regarding the things I have experienced over the years. Answering personal ads in a newspaper used to be frowned upon by many, yet in the information era, nobody seems to find it unacceptable anymore. Since I am a woman who does not let what others think get in the way of my choices and decisions, my personal ads predating the internet had been known to cross my path.

Now how is it that I can go to church with often upward of 80 women there and not meet that special someone, but I think I can go online and meet someone out of 12 to 30 women in my area? If I cannot meet someone with 80 women, why the heck would I think I can do it in less? Well now, I guess I can look outside the area, but how is THAT going to work? This could lead to years of long distance, or moving in together prematurely. Yet, I am always still hopeful.. haha..

With that said there is the upside to local online dating. Isn't there? The red flags should be very transparent. I met one that when she showed up, I swear the picture she sent was not she!! I cannot begin to tell you how many I have met that used 10 or 20 year old pictures. Then there is the category A few extra pounds.. I cannot begin to tell you how many I have met that this statement simply was not so. Then there is the age thingie!! Somehow they are MUCH older than stated on their profile. Can you spell red flags? Not that any of these things would matter, but it is starting out on a dishonest note. I did meet one woman in Mississippi that was extremely honest in the presentation of herself, but we did not click. So I guess the profiles can be a good thing if one were to vote with their feet when they realize the profile did not match the person. It is like KNOCK KNOCK, yet the need to meet that special someone tends to overshadow the red flags.

Now the kewl thing I have had happen in the personals world is often times they have introduced me to their friends. While I found no romantic interest with their friends, I developed some long lasting friendships.

The other interesting point is I have now been here for almost two years. 90% of the women on the personal sites are the SAME WOMEN!! Some I know for fact have had relationships and are back once again. Rarely does a new one show up. It is kind of like a soap opera; Go away and come back six months later and there they are.

So PolyAnna me still has my ad on the personals.. In hopes of meeting that special someone. However I have become a lot wiser through the process and am narrowing it down to those in the area and not doing long distance. Hmmmm.. Long Distance!! Don't even let me get started with that! haha I had one who came to be with me and one I went to be with.. I would not dream of moving that freely with someone I met at church much less a total stranger...

To think not all that long ago I could honestly say I had not dated in 7 years... The next one I meet, through church or otherwise is going to have to have similar interests and I am going to date them for a long time before making more permanent decisions.

Well I have finally decided to blog about this. Last Sunday I was coming home from Church and was on the phone with one of my local friends. She told me that we were under tornado watches and then corrected that to say tornado warnings. I told her I had best get off the phone and have both hands on the wheel. I was not all that concerned though, mostly because having never experienced a tornado I did not take it all that seriously. Afterall, I told myself.. What are the odds?

Well I got about a mile or so from my turnoff to go to Atmore and my car started jerking around. I drive a small car most of the time so it had my full attention. I pulled over but still felt the winds yanking at my Tracker. I simply sat there in dismay watching debris fly about 1/4 mile ahead of me. I watched helplessly as what appeared to be a part of a metal roof wrapped around the power lines. I believe it was an old hardware store that I watched a portion of the metal roof roll up..

Right after that, I don't know how long, there was a frenzy of people running back and forth, crossing the highway. Some carrying blue tarps as they immediately tried to help those who had roof damage. Soon I heard sirens and than observed emergency response vehicles arriving. I did not know if I should go or stay put. I did not know if these things double back or if there were downed wires across the highway. I soon realized had my timing been 30 seconds or so sooner I may have been in serious trouble.

Finally an officer came up to me and asked me what I was doing there. I told him I had pulled over and not budged because I had never been in one of these and did not know what to do. He indicated I had done the right thing but now it was time to move along.

I was still bucking winds all the way into Atmore. While I was driving I began to realize when I had seen the aftermath of tornado's on television I had never much thought about the hysteria and frenzy of those in them during and immediately following a tornado. It seemed like this was a long time, but I am sure my sense of time was lost in the shuffle as well.

I think I was too numb to be really afraid. I do know that I started feeling queazy and almost a surreal feeling. I immediately called my assistant who works on the church website because I just needed to hear a voice. I don't know if it was that night or a day later that I called my pastor. I finally called the flea market and told them I was running late. My friends gave me strict instructions to call every 10 minutes or they were going to come out and meet me.

If I never experience one of these things again I will be grateful. Even from the close outskirts it is a feeling like no other... I felt like I should be helping but was too busy gripping onto my steering wheel. It is so amazing to see people pull together during a time of crisis.

Well that is pretty much it.. I think I will take tornadoes a bit more seriously now, since I have been given a closer view of them. Close enough for me anyway!!

Well lets face it!! This is not sushi country.. If one is lucky, they will find snowcones and ice cream in atmore and perdido alabama, but there is no sushi. LOL

Well I picked Moe up at the post office today. And yes... I said "I am here to pick up my friend." I don't think the postal clerk thought it was half as funny as Moe or I would... But I thought it was...

I am glad I was able to do this for Moe. This has been good closure for me... I will miss the little fart! However, I am at a place I can move forward now and go on with my life. I will never forget her and she will always hold a place in my heart. I am still working with the government to get the funds removed that have been placed in her account, and have promised the Funeral Home I will keep them apprized as to what is left so they can get paid. That should pretty well finalize that. The lenders for her pickup had to schedule it for pickup as it past the 90 days mark for no payments.

I think this has been good for me on many fronts. It gave me a chance to give back a little of what has been done for me over the years, and it gave me a chance to understand and accept a friend unconditionally who had been in my life for so many years.

Gentle Touchs' Web is still up and running and will continue to be.

My pastor will be coming out here to do a small memorial service for her as we scatter her in the woods on my property behind my home. I will be emailing those who wish to honor Moe as to the date and the time.

This sure was a long process, but I am glad it has been achieved.

I wish to give a special thanks to Paul at Brooklawn Funeral Home in Rock Hill, CT. You see, Paul specializes in helping deceased individuals that nobody else will do. Brooklawn will wait for their payment and settle for the amount the State of Connecticut will pay if there is no payment available elsewhere. They have followed through true to their word and even sent Moe to me. I felt totally at ease when I was in his office and left there knowing everything was going to be ok now. Moe was finally going to be taken out of the Medical Examiners Office.

I also wish to thank my Illinois friends for the generous donation which helped get me home. I sent you an email, but it appears you did not get it as I have not heard back from you..

Hugs to all and I hope you rest well.

The following are two videos of current police brutality inside precincts in two states of the United States in 2008. Yes, you heard me.. In 2008. If you have ever been raped or a victim of sexual assault, the second one you probably do not want to watch.

When is this going to stop in America? Does our role model, George Bush, Jr., The President of the United States have some responsibility in this? He has condoned brutality in Guantanamo Bay, removing the most basic rights of human beings. What we were taught as children to be wrong in our Social Studies classes based on the treatment of the Jews and the behaviors of Hitler seems to be acceptable policy in Guantanamo Bay. Has this bled over to all law enforcement? Clearly, I have more questions than I do answers.

Over the last few years we have seen reports out of Florida regarding the legal system misusing their taser guns and beating even children. If I remember correctly a small boy was tasered by the police. Not just one, but several cases have been caught on video or otherwise documented.

Below you will see a video of a man thrown out of his wheelchair in Florida by a female deputy because she believed he was not paraplegic. All deputies stand by and do nothing, while yet a male deputy walks away, finding the actions and behaviors of this female deputy funny. Not one person came to this wheelchair bound mans aid or showed any form of compassion. Yet another outrage in the Florida legal system!

The second video shows a woman who is arrested in Ohio being forcibly strip-searched by several male and female deputies with her arms cuffed behind her back. The woman was a victim of a crime and instead of the perpetrator of the crime being brought in, the woman was arrested. Is this the America you grew up in? Is this the America we want our future generations to grow up in?

My personal belief is our own government has become the Terrorists. We have defied the United Nations and have chosen to take on the world. A world who has lost respect for us and hates us. There was a time in my life I was proud to be an American. Now I fear being American. When do we stand up? How do we stand up?

Man Dumped From WheelChair by Deputy In Florida




Brutal Ohio Police Strip Search Of A Woman (who was the victim of a crime)

First They Came for the Jews

First they came for the Jews

and I did not speak out

because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists

and I did not speak out

because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists

and I did not speak out

because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left

to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

Well here it is, 5 1/2 years since my brother Eddie committed suicide. I have long since wanted to go back to California, but did not have the courage to walk back into Eddie's and Hal's home. I was not ready.

I have missed the Bay Area for a long time. I am under no illusion it will be the same as when I left many years ago. But ya know, it has its plus'. Many of them. My sexual orientation would be served well by going back, although I am very leary of lesbians in general at this point. I think many of them are pretty messed up. I am not thinking relationships in my future as part of this decision. Mostly I am thinking it would be nice to get involved with Bay Area Women for Understanding again... Berkley has groups called SOL. No, that is not Shit out of Luck.. It is Slightly Older Lesbians. My fishing is there.. I am sure most I once knew are either dead or have moved away. And lets face it... At 55 I am not going to be going to the disco techs everynight. OH!! Thats right!! Disco is out now. haha

My breathing would be much better out there as well. My doctors have told me I have to get away from the black mold and the high humidity. I guess I am kinda like Moe.. I just wanna go home. The experiences I have had in Alabama probably play a part in this, but the fact is I am finally coming to terms with Eddie's Death and am ready to face it now. I am also ready to face the fact my own health is not at its best and I need family around. Hal is my family.

I can help Hal more easily if I am in the same community. I miss Hal. Even since Eddie died, he has been able to get his wonderful sense of humor back. It took a long time, but it is back. He is one of the most down to earth and funny guys I have known. I remember him telling me once that I did not have to take all my things with me on vacation. HAHA! You know I did not get it? I always came back to Contra Costa County when my adventures came to a close.

Making money in California always came easy for me. When I was 26 my mortgage was $1800.00 and was a no brainer to meet. Here in the south, if it were not for no money, people would not have any money at all. I want stability. When my car funks, I want to be able to fix it. Let me rephrase!!! I want a car that is not going to funk. I cannot make the kind of money I need here to be certain that will happen.

I understood how Californians functioned and worked. The variety is broader and one does not have to worry about a social circle. No.. Being a lesbian or a gay person is not a criteria for my social circle. I tended to have more than one subgroup when I was out there anyway.

Mostly, I miss Hal and familiarity. I don't think this southern thing is for me. I like the burbs and to be able to visit a big city when I want. So being close to a big city is a plus. Additionally it is nice to be close to gambling. REAL Gambling.. It is nice to be close to San Francisco.. And it is nice to be close to Santa Cruz. I can enjoy the Nevada mountains as well as the ocean.

As far as my health, there is better health care. As far as my income I am the only one who can limit it. The housing is much more expensive, but I have gone to work on Hal to see if I can rent from him. He has a huge home. The downside to that is I would have to put up with the negativity of my half brother Billie. Mr. Pias himself.

The bad thing is there is no MCC in Contra Costa County anymore. I will miss that. I was one of the founding members of Diablo Valley MCC, which has long since discipated. The founding pastor, Rev Bob Cunningham passed away a few years ago.

This will not be an overnight thing to plan or put together. I need to finish my house so I can sell it and put the profits in savings. Hopefully by fall I can pull it off. I will have my stuff I decide to keep shipped and sell all my vehicles etc and fly out there... Then replace when I get out there because I am better off buying something that is smog compliant. Californias smog laws are pretty tight.

I met some good folks down here, but I also met some folks that were not so kind. One thing I learned is not to jump into a relationship right away as it is a sure setup to get hurt emotionally. I had a double lesson on making sure who I am seeing is not on the rebound. It is the foundation for a disaster. I think being a bit older kind of created the foundation that I did not have forever to work with. Frankly, I am not so sure I want to do that again. Temper Tantrums and secret keepers are something I don't want to deal with again. Nor do I want to deal with verbal assaults.

I know nothing will be the same when I go back. People move on with their lives. This includes Hal.. I know I won't be backpacking into the High Sierra's as I once did. Nor will I be working in Aerospace or biomedical research. Aerospace as I once knew it long since has died. But I do know that being around something I understand has it's benefits.

Don't get me wrong! I have met some awesome people up here in these woods and I know I am loved. I could not have picked a better place without family to live. I will miss my local church if I do this. My mind is not made up for certain, but it is definately a consideration. If Hal says yes and I can sell my home I am definately going.

Well I am tuckered as I had to work today. Think I will catch a flick and go to bed.

Over the last few weeks, plans have been being made for me to go to Connecticut to get Moe out of the Medical Examiners Office. I did not talk about this prior to going as I did not think it would be wise to put it on the www that I was not going to be home.

I flew in on Monday and closed out Moe's apartment on Tuesday. There was not much to do as she truly had been living as a minimalist.

My niece picked me up at the airport on Monday and it was so fun to see her all grown up and living an adult life. She is absolutely spunky and delightful. One of the things I like about her is she is so up front and there is no guesswork as to how she is feeling about various topics.

also on Tuesday I contacted the Funeral Home who had told me it would not be an issue not getting their money up front. As it turns out they are a bait and switch type of Funeral Home that waits until the 13th hour to let you know they want all money up front. I stayed an extra day to find a funeral home who would work with me. I found one and they were wonderful. While my original plans were to bring Moe home with me after she was cremated, I will have to have her mailed to me. I wanted to take her on one last road trip. I know it sounds dumb perhaps, but it is a sentimental thing with me.

After I finished all that I rested for the night and drove back on Thursday morning. I drove 800 miles on Thursday and finally caved in and got a room. The seat was not comfortable to try and catch a few hours on and be rested. Friday I finished up my drive and arrived home a little after four in the afternoon.

The drive was a good thing. It gave me time to reflect back on the life of a friend I call Moe. Moe was perhaps one of the most complex women I have known in my life. I feel a sense of relief that I was able to do this for her and to finally have gotten it done. I still have to sort out her financial affairs and give an accounting to the judge.

When I got home I did as much as I could for now to contact her friends which were on her cell phone. I have placed a temporary suspension on the cell phone until the death certificate arrives. They will then remove the account completely. I hope I have not missed anyone.

I don't have much more to say right now, but will share more when I finishing with the financial affairs. What I have learned through this is there are a lot of complications in even getting bill balances. Without a death certificate I have gotten nowhere. However I will have that within 10 days. I paid for and placed all the legal ads that Connecticut required on Wednesday.

I actually worked Saturday. Then I went to church this morning and worked this afternoon.

For those who helped me make this happen, I wish to thank you. For without your help this would not have been possible. For all of us who cared about a friend we all called Moe (Gentle Touch) just know this has been taken care of and she is in a much better place. For all the hurts and pains she has had in her life, she is now whole and is not suffering anymore. Through this process I found there were several who truly cared about her and had been concerned.

While I am relieved, I have an ache in my heart. I have been so numb with this over the last few weeks and have just gone through the daily motions I am supposed to and have not grieved her loss yet. It seems surreal I won't have her calling me anymore. No more Merry Christmas', no more Happy Birthdays, and no more just catching up in general. And did I forget no more pranks? Ö¿Ö Another piece of me is missing. Moe was one of the last constants in my life. I was teary the day I heard about it, but today I cried for the first time whereas I could not hide my feelings in front of others.

I won't stay immersed in this. One thing I got from all this is we have but one life here on earth and I want to spend what I have left of it to its fullest. I will allow myself time to feel, grieve, and heal. I imagine I am right where I am supposed to be under the circumstances. God has been there through all of this and will help me through my grieving process.

I think something else I got from this is a renewal of my stance on embracing those who march to a beat of a different drum. I took the time to get to know someone who ran to the beat of a different drum. In doing so, I gained so much from this experience; The gifts were many. We talk about tolerance amongst different cultures and spiritual beliefs. Moe taught me tolerance. But she taught me much more than tolerance; She taught me acceptance and forgiveness as well. She taught me not to throw the baby out with the bath.

Thanks for listening
Lorretta