Welcome To A Road Less Traveled

I found this to be a very interesting article on Theft of Reputation. I had a pastor in the past who did one of his sermons on this and thought it was very good. I would like to share it with you..

Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.

He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).

The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).

An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.

Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.

Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.

The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!

William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.

Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).

The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.

Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).

I recently found myself in a situation whereas something had to change. I finally realized I have no control over others in the Drama Triangle; Hence, the only person I can change is myself and how I interact. This article is awesome and has given me ideas which will help me make healthier decisions. I will be adding other articles that have good ideas as I find them. One of the things that was recommended to me was not contact these individuals at all and to not let them get my goat. While very simple, I think this is healthy advise... This sort of thing drains positive energy, takes away from the healthy things I can do with my life, is non-productive and is truly not of God. Additionally I have learned that just because a person has done something nice for me, it does not make obligated me to stay in this unhealthy process.

Rules of Play - The Drama Triangle

Click here for a link to the printable cut-out pattern for a 3" pyramid desktop (reminder of the) Drama Triangle. For display at work or home.

The Drama Triangle is a seductive high-energy blame-game which serves to redirect the focus of attention, energy and dialogue from personal accountability to the engaging interactions of blame, defense and rescue.
The Drama Triangle game depicts the human drama found in all great dramatic literature.

All drama involves a victim, rescuer and persecutor* (*aka: villain.)
Drama games generate excitement but defeat accountability, critical-thinking and personal power.

Most people learn the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer as potentially powerless children. Wise people realize that drama games invert the truth about interpersonal power. Victims appear powerless, when in fact; victims are the most powerful players in drama games.

Dramas are created and sustained by people who exchange the satisfaction of adult-thinking and accountability for the drama of powerlessness, blame and rescue.

Wars, politics, and organizational cultures are imbued with drama games.
All three roles need each other – and if you play one role on the triangle – in time – you’ll play another.

a. Victims attract rescuers and both need someone to blame.
b. Rescuers need a victim to feel worthwhile.
c. Unwitting rescuers are “do-gooders” without boundaries.
d. Persecutors always find their victims.
e. Unwitting persecutors can be people simply inviting accountability – but become labeled “the bad guy” for interfering with someone’s intent to avoid accountability.
f. The roles and conversations of the drama game players are recognizably consistent no matter what the details of the scenario.

The greater the payback for being a victim, rescuer or persecutor, the greater the intensity of the drama. The greater the intensity of the drama the more distracted from the truth - the players will be. Imagine what happens when someone suggests being accountable. Drama Triangle players develop an affinity and therefore skill for participating in interpersonal drama.
Most drama players prefer the excitement and adrenalin of drama over the perceived boredom of the truth.

There’s a price to pay for participating in the Drama Triangle. At the conclusion of each dramatic interpersonal scenario players experience a descent from autonomy and personal power into a vague sense of ennui; an increased proclivity for guilt, cynicism, and personal isolation; and a declining ability to perceive good intentions and truth.

Many Drama Triangle players live their entire lives within the perspective roles of the drama triangle. When players finally release themselves from the “trance” of drama games they experience relief and a renewed sense of personal power and self-confidence. The practice of being accountable for the all the choices we make – empowers us to create a life we can be grateful for and proud to live, share and remember. How to Get Out of Drama-Games

Ask questions that uncover possibilities for a different view of “the truth,” individual accountability, personal intention and gain, and the full range of choices possible in any given situation.

• discuss the payoff for engaging in the drama game - instead of acknowledging accountability


• expose the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer instead of being accountable


• explore the choices that were not made – and the consequences being avoided


• persistently call for truth-telling, accountability, and new choices

ASK: “What truth, accountability, choices, and/or intentions are you not addressing - by playing drama triangle games?”

I have been having a very difficult time digesting what happened at Virginia Tech. It was pretty hard to see because of the visibility available to us due to cell phones, camcorders, and college journalists. I have wanted to write on this, not write on this, write on this, not write on this... yada yada... I am sure I am not alone in this.

First let me say I do not agree with this young mans actions. Please hear this. What I would additionally like to say is it is time the school systems on all levels start addressing the ignored taunting and bullying of students like this shooter. Simply put, it is time for the school systems and society to get their heads out of the sand. From preschool on, the emotional battering of students needs to be stopped and the youngsters educated that what they are doing is engaging in abuse. They have no idea how a few cruel words can impact the lives of so many. Certainly it has impacted every student on the campus at Virginia Tech. It has effected the lives of the friends and family of each student who saw what happened, was injured by the attack, and those who were killed in the attack. The dominoe effect will go on in ways we as a society will never know about. I repeat, this does not mean I agree with the actions of the shooter. I boldly disagree with his actions.

Perhaps stopping the taunting and bullying may not have made a difference in the outcome of this horrible killing spree. But maybe it could have? We won't know unless we try.

As a child who was a tomboy, walked funny, and was an abuse survivor with the insecurities which went along with it, I experienced the cruelty of other children. Now while I did not lash out in the way this shooter did, I can certainly understand his pain. As an adult I am still different than others, and yes, there are times I am still not included. Does it hurt? Of course it does!! I have had to learn to pick friends who appreciate and love me for how God made me. Would I hurt anyone else? NO... Most of us would never dream of taking it as far as this young man did. However, part of his difference was mental illness and these students and staff which ignored this were gambling with the lives of others. I firmly believe the school systems MUST quit ignoring this widespread problem. And it IS ignored... In just about every case after something like this happens, the news interviews teachers and students who all confirm these problems exist.

Additionally I do not believe outlawing guns will solve the problem. I believe a person like this shooter would have burned down a whole dorm to get his point across, and the casualties would have been much greater not to mention how horrific the crime would have been perceived.

At any rate I cast my vote for educating society and starting from preschool up to come up with a plan that will minimize this type of crime happening. There are no iron clad answers, but as a civilized society it is our responsibility to do everything in our power to not contribute to the problem. Even if zero tolerance of bullying and taunting reduces this type of crime in half, it would be an improvement over how the schools ignore the issues as happened here in this young mans life.

Well here is the little house. Actually it looks smaller on the outside than it is inside. This was taken dead winter so the grass is not green. The front door with the diamond was not there. This was taken directly after that was done. We pulled the couch out of the house and that is what you see on the left. Someone actually wanted the couch, for which I do not understand why. I will show you other shots of the house and the property in the following pictures.




These are the floors while we were tearing them out. The roof was new and the interior walls are fine, so this was worth doing. The blocks on the house are fine as well. Mess Huh?



This is a side shot of the floor in the worst area... There all all new joists and plywood in its place now. We put plastic sheeting down first, then tar paper before the 3/4 inch layer of treated plywood. We followed that with half in plywood in both the kitchen and the living room. Jes and Walter from our church were the brains and most instrumental behind it. The floors being torn out were done by Lu from Habitat and my ex. There were others that helped as well.


This shot is the direction going towards the hall that leads to the bath and bedroom. As you can see the walls were all maroon in the living room. Still working on the cosmetics and the painting.

This is a picture towards the right of the house. The property longates to the right well over 3 acres.

This is a left view of the property but it extends further left than this. There is are more trees off to the left. The house is kind of in a cove of trees.

This opening between the kitchen and the living room I love. We have pulled the center island as the kitchen was too small for it.

Well this is pretty much it for when we arrived to the property and first got started. I will take pictures that reflect what has been accomplished so far in the next day or so. It is fun to watch it snap together. There is still some drywall work that needs to be done. Not a lot of it... Three places...

I have to do the painting but am applying primer to each wall before I take off from there.

Anyway, here is the house at its worst and I will start taking pictures of what has been done so far!! It is going to be a cute house done.

This is an 8 X 10 building that was given to me. There is an interesting story behind this. One of the people helping decided it was more practical to move the building across a half acre lot, out the gate and then put it on the trailer. She blew a gasket when I suggested that it would make more sense to back the trailer to the building... Ahem.... I do have a CDL and would not suggest something that would not work. Oh well!! I can laugh about it now

As you can see, I still have the van for those of you who know me. You will see the burn pile from burning all the flooring we took out of the house. To the back you will see where the wind blew over my ceramic inlaid tile picnic table. I cannot pick it up and am waiting for the first two strapping young guys I think I can smooze to get it upright. Or the first understanding soul with a portable winch that will let me borrow it so I can devise a clever way of getting it upright. I bet I close that pretty umbrella next time. LOL





Here you can see my orphan hibachi I found. Behind it is a bird bath. This is the front right corner of my property and the house is behind the hibachi.




My friend suggested I get a new hobby. There are over 3000 ceramic molds here give or take a few. When everything else gets done I will be enclosing the carport as I save up enough money to do this.



I have been telling my friends about crawdad (crayfish) mounds. Here are some crayfish mounds. look to the right and you will see one with the top kicked off. When I first got here the house had not been lived in for some time. As I have been here a while the crawfish mounds have receded back since the property has life on it again.




In this scene you will see a wrought iron bird bath to the left. To the far back is a bench made of natures wood. to the right is a bench and a waterfall. Dead center is a light. These three pieces are made of concrete.




Facing the highway, this is the upper right corner of my property. A few days ago everything was in full bloom. We had some more cold weather and that was the end of that. It seemed like such a gip. Just past those azaleas is a blueberry bush. The hole you see there is from fixing a broken pipe to the street. I have to find more topsoil to fill in and make it level. It is a matter of taking the time to do it.





This is just past the left end of my property line. The trees are thick enough, even here that you cannot see the house to the left of it.



This is to the left end from the middle of the street. In the next picture I am standing on the other side of the street.






If you look at this picture just before you go around the bend is the property ling. You can barely see a white truck behind the second telephone pole down. almost the furthest point you see really. It is 3.6 acres all together.

This is the creek. After the hurricanes nobody ever came and cleaned out the duct going across the highway. I have not been brave enough to get down there and do it myself. I am trying to design a contraption out of PVC pipe that I can just keep adding a piece and slide it across the highway until is breaks loose whatever is clogging it. I have a hunch calling the county will produce no results.



I realize this does not fit the theme, but I am posting it anyway. This is my little tracker I found driving down the road. I got it for $1,000.00. It does the job. I like it anyway.

So here I am, living out in the country... I ended up having to move in on top of myself as depicted by the ceramic molds. When I get the inside organized I will take pictures of the updates.

All for now and more later..

This picture is here for no other reason than I like it. Lorikeets are very beautiful birds and I have always been fond of them. I am fond of all parrots and birds actually, but their color and splendor just draw me in at times.

Well I had a good day really... I loaded the last load that requires a van from the Bon Secour house. Most of it simply had to be removed. I had been sick earlier this week and had not made my way over there yet to finish up the work on the house. The realtor called tapping her toes, so I knew I had to get myself in gear and barge through the balance of this.

Today I made a phone call... It was perhaps one of the bravest phone calls I have made. I called my first long term g/f who now lives towards the east coast and became a scientist. I had been thinking about her a lot lately in reflecting on those I had let in over the years. When she always comes to mind, I remember a time I had received no therapy and thought all people behaved the was I was behaving in my late teens and early 20's. She was one of two special ones I had let in. She was the most wonderful woman who was actually real. Well anyway I called her today and considering who I was back then it is a miracle she did not hang up. It was awkward at first, but I am glad I did call. I was finally able to apologize to her for the way I had treated her when we were so young. She accepted the apology and we continued to visit for quite some time. She told me how her life had gone, the dreams she had filled, and the achievements she had earned in her life. She was still the soft spoken woman I knew when we were young, but it was clear she had found her nitche and was comfortable with who she is today. She had a bout with ductal carcinoma (breast) which was staged at zero about a year ago. Even tho it was benign she was given the same treatments as if it had been staged higher. I felt a knot in my tummy as she told me this. Her margins are clear and she is doing well. I am glad I made the call. I am happy for her that her life has gone so well. She certainly is a good person and that is a great thing. I believe she was the most sincere woman I was ever committed to. I wish I had treated her in the same way.

The web is a wonderful thing in many ways. Being able to research my early social circle and close friends has been a great thing. I glow when I see the various accomplishments they have achieved in their lives. Yet on the other side it has been a renewal of the message my parents gave me, which was I was wasting a bright mind. I would love to have achieved what those I knew did, but I guess, in part, I was not willing to do the work along with I had so much spiritual and emotional work to do I was not able to do the work. I am, however proud of my friends and loved ones for what they have achieved.

Well, back to the basics... I am making such progress on the house. I am completely out of the Foley house and that was sure an expensive lesson for misplaced trust. It was emotionally, physically, and financially taxing. I am just glad it is done. The Bon Secour house should be completed by Saturday and the steam cleaners can come in next week. So this is reduced stress!! This will give me 100% of my time free to work on my house.

Well Miss Sassy is setting on my lap. I think she missed me today. I think I will scoot over to Gardenia's blog and see what is up there. I have not been able to spend time on her blog much lately and I always enjoy her writings and creativity. Since she made it invite only I cannot push anyones buttons anymore. LOL So I will see what I can do for positive input.

It is time to sign off for me... Color me gone for now and will blog more when I get Bon Secour completely finished.