Thursday, October 11, 2007
How to build a nebulizer for Animal Care
I have actually had requests for how to build a nebulizer for animal care. Click on the above title for a great how to guide for this.
For anyone who raises pets, small livestock, or any small animal this is a must have!! I am going to build one so I will have it on hand.
For those of you who build one for your pets, it would be great if you will email the author of the article and let them know it worked and how much you appreciate the time they took to make this available to you.
For anyone who raises pets, small livestock, or any small animal this is a must have!! I am going to build one so I will have it on hand.
For those of you who build one for your pets, it would be great if you will email the author of the article and let them know it worked and how much you appreciate the time they took to make this available to you.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Amber's Story
I watched Amber's Story on Lifetime Television last night. First, I want to express what a Phenomenal Woman Amber's mother Donna is. The time, dedication, and courage for her to resolve her anguish by the means of the greater good touches my heart. Her dedication will make a difference in the outcome and the lives of many in the years to come.
This movie brought me back to a time so long ago; A time I wish had never occurred and wish I could find a way to tuck it neatly in my forgotten file, leaving me the option not to have to relive the memories and the pain.
When I was approximately 27 years old, one of my employee's little girl was abducted. If Amber Alert had been in place then, the odds of having gotten Tara back in the first few hours would have increased immensely. Watching this movie had me wondering how many things would have been different for Tara, her family, and all of us who were closely connected to the family.
I will never forget the gruelling investigation. The family, and anyone who is close to the family is automatically a suspect in a kidnapping. It was a horrible feeling to not know where Tara was, much less being polygraphed by the FBI. Investigation tactics are nasty. These tactics destroy friendships and families at a time the bonds between friends and family are most important. The investigators do not care who they hurt during an investigation. There is no room for balance between compassion and finding an abducted child. This is another nice thing about Amber Alert; The Amber Alert System does not get caught up in familiy and friend dynamics; Nor does it get caught up in statistics that state most abductions are done by a family member or someone who knows the family. Tara's was a stranger abduction and statistics got in the way of the investigation of Tara back in the 80's. To have found Tara in those first few hours not only would have changed the outcome of Tara's life, but the lives of all those who knew her, cared about her, and loved her.
Ten and a half months later Tara came home. Her life altered forever. She had lived life disguised as a little boy in a beat up van on the streets of San Francisco. She left knowing one persons name at 2 1/2 years old and came back with an x-rated vocabulary at 3 years of age. I think the rest of what occurred goes without saying. It took much counseling for her to be able to find her way in the world. Without question, Amber Alert could have altered much of what happened to Tara. Some say Tara was one of the lucky ones, as she lived. I have fought with that one long and hard... 10 1/2 months of the type of abuse Tara suffered is far from luck.. Don't get me wrong here... I am grateful they found Tara alive.. I just have trouble defining luck when it comes to this topic.
Thank you Donna and all those who worked with you to make the Amber Alert what it is today.
Ya Think!!
Living With COPD
It took me a long time to admit, much less start dealing with the fact I have COPD. I finally came clean with my doctors, instead of spending hours before I go to the doctor regulating my breathing. I am sure they are smart enough to know I was hiding in my own denial.
Please click on the above title to read up on how to manage your life with COPD. It has a lot of useful information on it. I cannot say one word about denial, as I have lived with my own denial, but I will suggest anyone dx'ed with this disease be open and honest with their doctors. I am on a nebulizer (breathing machine) every 4 hours. I think about how long I suffered because I was closet about my COPD.
Nuff Said
Ya Think!!
Please click on the above title to read up on how to manage your life with COPD. It has a lot of useful information on it. I cannot say one word about denial, as I have lived with my own denial, but I will suggest anyone dx'ed with this disease be open and honest with their doctors. I am on a nebulizer (breathing machine) every 4 hours. I think about how long I suffered because I was closet about my COPD.
Nuff Said
Ya Think!!
Wonder if I will ever get the timing down pat?
Ecclesiastes 3:1-9
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, an time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew,
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, an time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew,
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see. This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. Now, it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.
~~Happy Fall
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Will be out of pocket for a couple of more weeks
I know I have not been blogging much, but I have had a lot on my plate. I figure about 2 more weeks and I will be able to blog again.
Much is going on... Working on my home... And making necessary adjustments for a relationship which did not work out. I have come to the conclusion I won't be so quick to get involved with someone I have met on the internet... I won't say never cuz that always gets me in trouble... However I will definately go about things slower and follow the guidelines my pastor suggests in the future. I need to figure out how twice in a row I have managed to get involved with someone who is still emotionally attached to their ex and not emotionally available. Now the new rule for me is... If their ex is even remotely in their life, and I mean as much as microscopically, I will walk the other way and vote with my feet. I think that is why they say not to get with someone on the rebound... Unless of course I am picking emotionally unavailable people because it is safe, as I cannot possibly build a healthy relationship with someone who is in love with someone else. This is something I truly need to look at. At any rate, I sure wish I would have listened to my therapist and counselor.
There are many positive things going on in my life and I am treating this as a positive. I am enjoying having my home back and being able to work on it. I have to go slow because of my arms, but I am making progress. I need to get brave and tackle my kitchen sink. I miss it. :-D
Well, my van crapped out. I loved that van. In reality though, for myself I don't trust socking more money into it. I have my little Geo Tracker, but it decided to take a dump too. Hope it is something minor on it. The good news is I got a very nice van last night. I will sell my old van in 'as is' condition and take that money to fix the Tracker.
I took my new van to Pensacola this afternoon and it was a nice ride. It need little things, but the engine, transmission, drive train, and rear end seem to be fine. The cruise control is nice, because I won't be putting my foot off and on the peddle so much.
More Later...
Ya Think!!
Much is going on... Working on my home... And making necessary adjustments for a relationship which did not work out. I have come to the conclusion I won't be so quick to get involved with someone I have met on the internet... I won't say never cuz that always gets me in trouble... However I will definately go about things slower and follow the guidelines my pastor suggests in the future. I need to figure out how twice in a row I have managed to get involved with someone who is still emotionally attached to their ex and not emotionally available. Now the new rule for me is... If their ex is even remotely in their life, and I mean as much as microscopically, I will walk the other way and vote with my feet. I think that is why they say not to get with someone on the rebound... Unless of course I am picking emotionally unavailable people because it is safe, as I cannot possibly build a healthy relationship with someone who is in love with someone else. This is something I truly need to look at. At any rate, I sure wish I would have listened to my therapist and counselor.
There are many positive things going on in my life and I am treating this as a positive. I am enjoying having my home back and being able to work on it. I have to go slow because of my arms, but I am making progress. I need to get brave and tackle my kitchen sink. I miss it. :-D
Well, my van crapped out. I loved that van. In reality though, for myself I don't trust socking more money into it. I have my little Geo Tracker, but it decided to take a dump too. Hope it is something minor on it. The good news is I got a very nice van last night. I will sell my old van in 'as is' condition and take that money to fix the Tracker.
I took my new van to Pensacola this afternoon and it was a nice ride. It need little things, but the engine, transmission, drive train, and rear end seem to be fine. The cruise control is nice, because I won't be putting my foot off and on the peddle so much.
More Later...
Ya Think!!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The Three Question Personality Test
| Your Personality Is |
 You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. |
Results for My Three Question Personality Test
| Your Personality Is |
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. |
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Computer Crash
HMPH!!! Last night was a very scary night. I had a computer crash with a screen that come up and said I needed to mount my C drive. But every indicator was my C drive was there. XP would load just to a certain point and then would not go any further and would go back to the prompt screen. I tried booting in safe mode... NOPE .. it would not do it. I tried to boot with the last known functioning configuration. NOPE... would not do that either. I called Gardenia and remained calm considering all. She is having probs with hers so she could not look things up on the web for me to find out what the scoop was.
Finally I started digging through disks that have been shuffled between Corpus Christi and here. Thank Gawd I still had em, along with my Microsoft Office Professional. I had feared they may have become someone elses property through the shuffle. Well, I found the Operation systems disk and finally was able to get to the DOS commands by booting off the CD instead of windows. I ran chkdsk twice and after that I was thinking next I would have to use fixboot, but did not have to push it that far. Who says DOS is obsolete? Under the hood of every OS is DOS on a PC running quietly in the background.
Anyway, the moral of this story is treat your operating disks the same as you would your will or any other important papers. I am glad I am back up running.
Thanks Gardenia for trying to help me.... I do think this was a virus, but have not narrowed it down as to the source of it.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Puppet Master Defined in Laymans Terms
In layman's terms a Puppet Master stays in the background and pushes buttons and pulls strings. Those watching this trickery are not supposed to be able to detect the Puppet Master is doing all the talking. They are an expert at what they do.
Have you ever had a Puppet Master pass through your life? I believe we all have experienced it on one level or the other. In real life, Puppeteers have the ability to push buttons, pull strings, and others are doing their talking for them...
I fell prey to a Human Puppet Master and the Puppets On The Strings are still being manipulated by the Puppet Master who now lives in Louisiana. What I realized when I came to this analogy is for a good share of the time I too was one of the Puppets On A String being manipulated by the Puppet Master for several months. Tiz odd... Sometimes you have to back away from things to see them.
The Puppet Master, who moved to Louisiana is still manipulating her puppets. The puppets are still trying so hard to please their master. When I chose to take up a new occupation and retire from being a puppet on a string, the Puppet Master had her primary puppet and secondary puppet do her dirty deeds for her. I guess in theraputic terms this would be referred to as Triangles.
I guess it is part of living life outside of a bubble to run into folks like I delt with the last year, but you know... I have met very few over the years that equate to what I experienced and continue to experience from those below the I-10. I am sure they were around me in the world, but am glad these types of people were not a part of my life...
Monday, August 06, 2007
Just Because.....
"Just because your heart wants it to be does not mean it can ever be so..."
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
by Rosemarie Crisafi
Mother looks away.
Hubble captures a lotus in a square with four gates.
Father stands in a doorway.
A cosmic clock ticks in an archway,
Membrane tears as his stare penetrates.
Mother looks away.
Hubble detects the dark hole in the Milky Way.
Inside a ghost awaits.
Father stands in a doorway
On a world faraway,
A clock tossed, spins; a face rotates.
Mother looks away.
Footsteps approach in the hallway.
In casement, camera flashes, imprinting plates.
Father stands in a doorway.
Bronze statue blocks the way.
Chemicals release as she waits
Mother looks away.
Father stands in a doorway.
Copyright © 2004, Rosemarie Crisafi
Deep Dark Hole - Click Here
I am in a deep dark hole
........No Top
...............No Bottom
.....................No Sides
......................... Reaching Out For Solid Matter
................................Nothings There
~~Anne Woodbury 1967
Progress on the Kitchen Cabinets
If you remember the old pictures of the kitchen, this is quite an improvement. I hired Jes from church to come in and help me with the parts my arms would not allow me to do alone. I suspect with two perfect arms I still would have needed help, since it took both Jes and I to put the counter where it goes. I think the most scarey part was watching Jes cut the hole for the sink.
I still have to do the plumbing, which should take about 2 hours worth of work.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Home For The Holidays
Click On Title To Hear Music
I just watched this wonderful movie called Home For The Holidays. The gist of the movie was three children's parents were killed in an accident, leaving the task of creating a new family to their aunt. Their aunt was more than willing to undertake this challenge, only to find obstacles within the the bureaucratic system, which is called our government who cannot function outside the dots. The Act of Eminent Domain took their home via the power company. The aunt moved the children into her home. CPS deemed the home unfit, as it was too small and gave the aunt 5 days to find suitable housing.
I believe we all like winners that overcome obstacles. The aunt came up with an idea and of course the community was given the opportunity to make it happen. The aunt realized the Power Company wanted the land, but planned to demolish the home. So she very cleverly found a way to get the home moved, only displacing the children from their land.
This is actually one of the more clever plots I have seen and did not realize this is where it was going. The aunt, being the protagonist of the film never gave up hope and would not take no for answers. A trait and quality I find in real life as well. She took a half empty glass and surpassed the half full mark with her creativity and determination.
In the end, even the head of Social Services and the antagonist of the film, found in the families favor. These types of Polyanna movies still bring tears to my eyes when I watch them.. I guess I still have a little Polyanna in there somewhere..
Well I am off to take a nap. I hope all of you are having a splendid 4th of July.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
1 Corinthians 13: 1-13
Please click on the above title for the flash presentation of this. This is awesome. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 has always been one of my Bible Favorites.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Healthy Relationships
Well I have been given an assignment. I am not going to go into all the assignment here, but will start it all the same. My 'T' and I were talking about healthy relationships today. I was scoffing over the last one and how it made me feel to have been lured in and shelved. She asked how many things do I see parallel in more than one relationship that I am and am not comfortable with. hmmmm!!!!! Anyway later I was given an assignment... I found this following over at Wiki-Help and thought I would share it here. It is pretty good, and I actually found several things that seem to bleed from one relationship to the next.This is not laying out well as far as layout, so I have also added the link to the title if you click on it so you can read it there. I am supposed to research several authors articles on healthy relationships to get a cross sampling, but this is the first one I have run across that I could relate to some of it.
- Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Being happy is your own job and you are the only person that can do it. Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. The truth is that no one has the ability to make another person happy,
but often we can share in another’s happiness. Make yourself happy first, and then share your happiness with your partner. - Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work.
- Tell the unarguable truth. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection in a relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. Withholding the truth also constitutes telling a lie. Here are some examples of telling the unarguable truth: "I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at
the party or at school," "I feel angry when you hang up on me," "I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me." - Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal
relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings. - Make and keep clear agreements. For example, if you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them.
Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety. - Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about how you might do it differently next time. If you are
unhappy in your relationship, get curious about how this situation is similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner. - Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.
- Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything so tell her or him you love him and that you don't want to argue but talk and make it better.
- Review your expectations. Make sure you don't try to make your partner fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work--and will create derailments.
- Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a relationship. You can't have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say "If you loved me, you would...." They argue to hear the other say "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.
Tips
- The idea of "unarguable truth" is a stretch (not to be confused with facts). Every person has a relative truth based on their individual experience and perception. A statement such as, "I felt scared when I saw you talking to her" is a statement of fact, not truth. This is an example of a "feeling statement", which is
different, and its impact is significant. - It is not necessarily a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. "Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and "do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, "I don't think those pants look good on you" is a helpful question, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".
- Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
- Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
- Portions of this article are based on the works of Dr. Gay and Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks.
- All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe that they are losing respect for you, then consider rebuilding the respect immediately.
- Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship so try and call your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.
- Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender; just keep flirting out of the friendship.
- Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner.
- Be the first to tell your partner what is on your mind either positive or negative. Address what your plan is to remedy it. Playing guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and confusion.
Where Is *Yonder*?
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616).
adv.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
In or at that indicated place: the house over yonder.
adj.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight: “Yonder hills,” he said, pointing.pron.
One that is at an indicated place, usually within sight.
[Middle English, from yond, yond.
REGIONAL NOTE
The adverb yonder, from Old English geond, is not exclusively Southern but is more frequently used there than in any other region of the United States, and not only by older or uneducated speakers. Yonder is not merely a Southern synonym for there, which in the South tends to mean “only a few feet from the speaker.” Yonder carries with it an inherent sense of distance farther than “there” and is used if the person or thing indicated can be seen: the shed over yonder. Or it might be nearby but completely out of sight, as in the next room.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Flowers For Algernon
Over the years I have somewhat paralleled my life with the Movie Flowers for Algernon, formerly put out as Charlie in the 1970’s. I ask myself why this rings true for me… Not sure I can really write about this really, but will give it my best shot.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
Algernon was a mouse who was used for pseudo-intelligence experiments. The mouse became super intelligent through the experiments the scientists used. He was soon deemed a super mouse. The scientists began to search for a person to conduct the same experiments on and chose a mentally retarded man named Charlie. Charlie became attractive, well groomed, and even smarter than all the scientists and doctors who attended to his care.
While this is a soft science fiction story, perhaps there is more truth in it as to how society conducts its studies and treatments today. For example, I fight ongoing nightmares. I was given a medication which stopped the nightmares and at least had me to a point where I was able to sleep peacefully. I thought I had found the relief I had needed for my life, however I was informed by my insurance carrier they could no longer cover this under my insurance as it was meant for short-term use. My doctors pled their case to no avail. Eventually those who cared for me found another medication which stopped the nightmares but increased the flashbacks and other symptoms during the daytime hours. I had to be taken off those.
Finally I was blessed with a program which specialized in the root of the problems which caused the nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms. With nurturing and much care I seemed to be able to self manage well. I returned to work, but not on the scientific or engineering level I was used to. Events and medications through this several year process had taken away the sharpness I once took for granted. My concentration level was shot.
Well I went off truck driving and had actually found something I loved and enjoyed. Much to my surprise I was still able to use my mind, contrary to what my opinion was of truck drivers prior to doing this. This went on for approximately two years and in September of 2001, due to a number of events, the flashbacks returned… I fell backwards out of the truck, sustaining many injuries. Eventually it was determined I had a rare bone disease and had to undergo several years of surgeries and treatment, which left me in chronic pain and decreased upper bilateral mobility. I fought much of it and would not resign to what the doctors told me would be my level of function physically and I believe this probably has helped a lot. There is no drug or treatment which will insure this disease will not return. Not to sound cynical, but Flowers for Algernon certainly does come to mind when I think of this.
Eventually it was determined the use of flooding or immersing old pain is more detrimental than the trauma itself. Those, including myself, who were earlier generation trauma clients now had another set of healing to do. Many adapted the trauma of others as they were so saturated with the group therapy sessions whereas they learned of the plight of others. They began to utilize different tactics for future clients; Yet another parallel to Flowers for Algernon.
Time went by and the quality of cars I drove began to diminish, my clothes began to fade, and the types of people and places my life was surrounded by disappeared; which also falls parallel to Flowers for Algernon. Yet I fought it every inch of the way and tried to see the glass as half full. I fought hard to thwart of the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the physical limitations.
Like Charlie, I would meet these wonderful people who showed an interest and they would disappear as I was different and came with baggage; however non-solicited. Increasingly I was attracting less healthy people into my life. The need to trust and believe in others triumphed over my instinct and distrust. The need to be understood and loved played a part in much of it. Charlie, for example formed a relationship with his therapist. He was exploited. Let me give you an example… There was a man in Los Angeles named Paul Duckett. He claimed to be a doctor of Psychiatry. Not only was he not a Doctor of Psychiatry, he was only an intern Marriage & Family Counselor. Eventually he because a therapist. Well, he was my Psychiatrist and ended up with the legal rights to my life story and achievements. After interviewing everyone who had known me over a 30 year span he disappears with my life in his briefcase. I was exploited as was Charlie. I was vindicated to a degree when I located him. Ahem!! Working at the same hospital who was helping me overcome trauma and exploitation.
Time marches on… I live in an area today where I can warehouse myself nicely and not have to worry about continued moves and continued change…. Ya Think? This is about all I can think of right now but may come back and add later… My pastor often says God Has a Sense of Humor, but somehow I don’t seem to be getting the right combination, but for the time being will keep trying to solve the puzzle and not give up on life. One thing I am learning is I can only count on God and try to learn healthier ways of looking at life and handling how I make decisions regarding life. Life seems so surreal and a dirty trick at times… A daring thing to say since the primary thing people are attracted to in me is the winner and fighter in me. Actually, before his decline, Charlie was probably much smarter than I am; He was finally ready to accept himself for who he was.
In the end, Charlie was no longer the brilliant man he once was. The end of the original movie showed Charlie sitting on the same swing in his same mental retarted mode the movie began with. I wonder if Charlie would change the small morsel of being less different if he could have? But was he really less different? Different is different!! Regardless if it is generated by brilliance or retardation, or various degrees inbetween.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Words that soak in your ears are whispered, not yelled...
Please click on the above Title to download the power point presentation on this. Or you can click here. I have not been able to go completely through the whole powerpoint yet, but I have a hunch this is one of those I will find something new and profound every single time I do. It is thought provoking, will help you challenge yourself in a positive light if you can keep your mind open, and truly can enrich the quality of communication in all of our lives... Regardless if it is on an inner-personal level, at work, in board meetings, or on a spiritual level such as church.There is an upcoming series at Holy Cross MCC in Pensacola on Forgiveness and I was looking online reading up on both forgiveness and anger. I hope you will appreciate this as much as I do. I would say enjoy, but there are things in there that made me have to look at myself closely and made me a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps it can help all who study it to enjoy the quality of their communication skills a bit more later.
Meet Emily!! - My House Guest
I have company until Sunday. Her name is Emily and boy she is a cutie!! She sure knows how to bat those eyes.
Emily will be going home Sunday, so I get to enjoy her until then. She belongs to one of our church members who is out of town. Oh!!! Did I foget to say that Emily is Spoiled?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Theft of Reputation
I found this to be a very interesting article on Theft of Reputation. I had a pastor in the past who did one of his sermons on this and thought it was very good. I would like to share it with you..
Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).
The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).
An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.
Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.
Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.
The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!
William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.
Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).
Malicious gossip can "murder" a person's reputation. Slander can rob a person of his good name.
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:18-19, NIV).
The slanderer would not slander if he did not have a willing audience. Bad and immoral stories appeal to fallen human nature. Not only is the bearer of bad news guilty, but the one who listens shares in the wrongdoing: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts (Proverb 18:8, NIV).
An exception would be if the listener is part of the solution and not part of the problem. A counselor or someone who is genuinely interested in restoring a fallen person is part of the solution. And part of the therapy is listening.
Someone will protest, "If something bad comes to mind, I may as well speak it out as to think it. I don't want to be a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone who is evil and acts like a good person for his own ends. Speaking bad words is like dumping a basket of feathers out of a two story house. As all the feathers cannot be picked up, so the words cannot be recalled. A chain reaction is started that will continue damaging people's character. Character assassination can be result. Family and friends also suffer emotionally.
Another may protest, "But what I said is true!" Suppose God has forgiven the person in question. If we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we align ourselves against God.
The saying is true, If you can't say anything good about someone, Don't say anything!
William Shakespeare penned these words, He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
Good mental health requires the exercise of faith in God and positive thinking. It is unhealthy to think about bad things. Paul teaches, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
The answer to gossip is a good dose of the love of God.
Paul writes, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person [italics mine], its hopes are fade less under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Corinthians 13:7, AMP).
The Drama Triangle
I recently found myself in a situation whereas something had to change. I finally realized I have no control over others in the Drama Triangle; Hence, the only person I can change is myself and how I interact. This article is awesome and has given me ideas which will help me make healthier decisions. I will be adding other articles that have good ideas as I find them. One of the things that was recommended to me was not contact these individuals at all and to not let them get my goat. While very simple, I think this is healthy advise... This sort of thing drains positive energy, takes away from the healthy things I can do with my life, is non-productive and is truly not of God. Additionally I have learned that just because a person has done something nice for me, it does not make obligated me to stay in this unhealthy process.Rules of Play - The Drama Triangle
Click here for a link to the printable cut-out pattern for a 3" pyramid desktop (reminder of the) Drama Triangle. For display at work or home.The Drama Triangle is a seductive high-energy blame-game which serves to redirect the focus of attention, energy and dialogue from personal accountability to the engaging interactions of blame, defense and rescue.
The Drama Triangle game depicts the human drama found in all great dramatic literature.
All drama involves a victim, rescuer and persecutor* (*aka: villain.)
Drama games generate excitement but defeat accountability, critical-thinking and personal power.
Most people learn the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer as potentially powerless children. Wise people realize that drama games invert the truth about interpersonal power. Victims appear powerless, when in fact; victims are the most powerful players in drama games.
Dramas are created and sustained by people who exchange the satisfaction of adult-thinking and accountability for the drama of powerlessness, blame and rescue.
Wars, politics, and organizational cultures are imbued with drama games.
All three roles need each other – and if you play one role on the triangle – in time – you’ll play another.
a. Victims attract rescuers and both need someone to blame.
b. Rescuers need a victim to feel worthwhile.
c. Unwitting rescuers are “do-gooders” without boundaries.
d. Persecutors always find their victims.
e. Unwitting persecutors can be people simply inviting accountability – but become labeled “the bad guy” for interfering with someone’s intent to avoid accountability.
f. The roles and conversations of the drama game players are recognizably consistent no matter what the details of the scenario.
The greater the payback for being a victim, rescuer or persecutor, the greater the intensity of the drama. The greater the intensity of the drama the more distracted from the truth - the players will be. Imagine what happens when someone suggests being accountable. Drama Triangle players develop an affinity and therefore skill for participating in interpersonal drama.
Most drama players prefer the excitement and adrenalin of drama over the perceived boredom of the truth.
There’s a price to pay for participating in the Drama Triangle. At the conclusion of each dramatic interpersonal scenario players experience a descent from autonomy and personal power into a vague sense of ennui; an increased proclivity for guilt, cynicism, and personal isolation; and a declining ability to perceive good intentions and truth.
Many Drama Triangle players live their entire lives within the perspective roles of the drama triangle. When players finally release themselves from the “trance” of drama games they experience relief and a renewed sense of personal power and self-confidence. The practice of being accountable for the all the choices we make – empowers us to create a life we can be grateful for and proud to live, share and remember. How to Get Out of Drama-Games
Ask questions that uncover possibilities for a different view of “the truth,” individual accountability, personal intention and gain, and the full range of choices possible in any given situation.
- discuss the payoff for engaging in the drama game - instead of acknowledging accountability
- expose the power of being a victim, persecutor or rescuer instead of being accountable
- explore the choices that were not made – and the consequences being avoided
- persistently call for truth-telling, accountability, and new choices
ASK: “What truth, accountability, choices, and/or intentions are you not addressing - by playing drama triangle games?”
Friday, April 20, 2007
Virginia Tech - Zero Tolerance Against Taunting & Bullying
I have been having a very difficult time digesting what happened at Virginia Tech. It was pretty hard to see because of the visibility available to us due to cell phones, camcorders, and college journalists. I have wanted to write on this, not write on this, write on this, not write on this... yada yada... I am sure I am not alone in this.First let me say I do not agree with this young mans actions. Please hear this. What I would additionally like to say is it is time the school systems on all levels start addressing the ignored taunting and bullying of students like this shooter. Simply put, it is time for the school systems and society to get their heads out of the sand. From preschool on, the emotional battering of students needs to be stopped and the youngsters educated that what they are doing is engaging in abuse. They have no idea how a few cruel words can impact the lives of so many. Certainly it has impacted every student on the campus at Virginia Tech. It has effected the lives of the friends and family of each student who saw what happened, was injured by the attack, and those who were killed in the attack. The dominoe effect will go on in ways we as a society will never know about. I repeat, this does not mean I agree with the actions of the shooter. I boldly disagree with his actions.
Perhaps stopping the taunting and bullying may not have made a difference in the outcome of this horrible killing spree. But maybe it could have? We won't know unless we try.
As a child who was a tomboy, walked funny, and was an abuse survivor with the insecurities which went along with it, I experienced the cruelty of other children. Now while I did not lash out in the way this shooter did, I can certainly understand his pain. As an adult I am still different than others, and yes, there are times I am still not included. Does it hurt? Of course it does!! I have had to learn to pick friends who appreciate and love me for how God made me. Would I hurt anyone else? NO... Most of us would never dream of taking it as far as this young man did. However, part of his difference was mental illness and these students and staff which ignored this were gambling with the lives of others. I firmly believe the school systems MUST quit ignoring this widespread problem. And it IS ignored... In just about every case after something like this happens, the news interviews teachers and students who all confirm these problems exist.
Additionally I do not believe outlawing guns will solve the problem. I believe a person like this shooter would have burned down a whole dorm to get his point across, and the casualties would have been much greater not to mention how horrific the crime would have been perceived.
At any rate I cast my vote for educating society and starting from preschool up to come up with a plan that will minimize this type of crime happening. There are no iron clad answers, but as a civilized society it is our responsibility to do everything in our power to not contribute to the problem. Even if zero tolerance of bullying and taunting reduces this type of crime in half, it would be an improvement over how the schools ignore the issues as happened here in this young mans life.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I cannot sleep
I could not sleep tonight so I said a little prayer. Well a long one actually. First I thanked God for all I have been blessed with recently; The gradual return of the use of my arms, the decreased pain over a year ago, and how grateful I am that I no longer need duragesic patches. I asked God for guidance as I am doing closure with an ex tomorrow. I thanked God for helping me make wiser decisions and standing up for myself. I asked God to work with me on my anger... Once I finished with all that, I asked God to help me leave my heart open to loving and being loved and guide me to not shut it off due to past hurts.
Then I asked God to help me with forgiveness. I have a hard time with that in many ways. I remembered a sermon that was given last summer by Pastor Sandy regarding how many times we are to forgive. I looked it up again tonight and the answer is.
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Well it looks like I have a few more to go. :-) So perhaps I am right where I am supposed to be since I have decided to get to work on it. Ironically while I was looking this up, I ran across something else... It was "How To Balance Righteous Anger". The place I found it was an audio file and I have no speakers right now... So I dug further and found a website that I felt had some good advice at bible.org .
What is the difference, then, between righteous anger and sinful anger? click on this title for full series..
We might suggest several distinctions. For one thing, righteous anger is always unselfish while sinful anger is selfish. It occurs when our desires, our needs or our ambitions are frustrated, when our demands are not met, when our expectations are not realized, when our well-being is threatened, when our self-esteem is attacked, or when we are embarrassed, belittled or inconvenienced. “Why doesn’t she do what I tell her to do?” “Why doesn’t he clean up his mess when he’s finished?” Those things inconvenience us.
A second difference is that righteous anger is always controlled while sinful anger is often uncontrolled. It causes us to say and do things we are sorry for later, things we never would have said or done had we been in control.
A third contrast is that righteous anger is directed toward sinful acts or unjust situations while sinful anger is often directed against people. God wants us to hate the sin but love the sinner, just as He does. And that means treating the sinner in kind and caring ways. Sinful anger lashes out against people.
A final distinction is that righteous anger has no malice or resentment, and seeks no revenge. In fact, it takes positive action to right wrongs and heal divisions and disagreements. Sinful anger, on the other hand, harbors bitterness and seeks retaliation. “He’s not going to get away with that.” So we make him pay. The angry tirade itself is designed to punish him, as are the cutting and sarcastic remarks, or the silent treatment that follows, or the malicious gossip we spread, or the way we try to alienate his friends from him. Sinful anger wants to hurt, even destroy.
God wants us to be angry, but over the right issues, at the right times and in the right way. He wants us to get rid of all sinful anger. If we are honest, we would probably admit that less than 2 percent of what we display is righteous anger, while the other 98 percent is sinful anger. It is that sinful anger we want to deal with in the remainder of this chapter … those sinful, selfish, spiteful feelings we express toward people who displease us.
I am glad I found this. It really helped. I Just wanted to share it! I think I can go to sleep now and face my 9 a.m. closure in a Christian way and strive towards not being defensive. Last week I had come to the realization I cannot change my ex, but I can change the way I am responding to it. Ironically, Sunday's sermon was pretty much in check with this realization I had earlier in the week.
Update:
Slept last night... Today went well.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Here is the country house!!!
Well here is the little house. Actually it looks smaller on the outside than it is inside. This was taken dead winter so the grass is not green. The front door with the diamond was not there. This was taken directly after that was done. We pulled the couch out of the house and that is what you see on the left. Someone actually wanted the couch, for which I do not understand why. I will show you other shots of the house and the property in the following pictures.
These are the floors while we were tearing them out. The roof was new and the interior walls are fine, so this was worth doing. The blocks on the house are fine as well. Mess Huh?
This is a side shot of the floor in the worst area... There all all new joists and plywood in its place now. We put plastic sheeting down first, then tar paper before the 3/4 inch layer of treated plywood. We followed that with half in plywood in both the kitchen and the living room. Jes and Walter from our church were the brains and most instrumental behind it. The floors being torn out were done by Lu from Habitat and my ex. There were others that helped as well.
This shot is the direction going towards the hall that leads to the bath and bedroom. As you can see the walls were all maroon in the living room. Still working on the cosmetics and the painting.
This is a picture towards the right of the house. The property longates to the right well over 3 acres.
This is a left view of the property but it extends further left than this. There is are more trees off to the left. The house is kind of in a cove of trees.
Well this is pretty much it for when we arrived to the property and first got started. I will take pictures that reflect what has been accomplished so far in the next day or so. It is fun to watch it snap together. There is still some drywall work that needs to be done. Not a lot of it... Three places...
I have to do the painting but am applying primer to each wall before I take off from there.
Anyway, here is the house at its worst and I will start taking pictures of what has been done so far!! It is going to be a cute house done.
Here are a series of pictures of the outside of the house and the property.
This is an 8 X 10 building that was given to me. There is an interesting story behind this. One of the people helping decided it was more practical to move the building across a half acre lot, out the gate and then put it on the trailer. She blew a gasket when I suggested that it would make more sense to back the trailer to the building... Ahem.... I do have a CDL and would not suggest something that would not work. Oh well!! I can laugh about it now
As you can see, I still have the van for those of you who know me. You will see the burn pile from burning all the flooring we took out of the house. To the back you will see where the wind blew over my ceramic inlaid tile picnic table. I cannot pick it up and am waiting for the first two strapping young guys I think I can smooze to get it upright. Or the first understanding soul with a portable winch that will let me borrow it so I can devise a clever way of getting it upright. I bet I close that pretty umbrella next time. LOL
Here you can see a picture of my back building that is bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. There is also my new fence that my ex put in. It was not totally non-conditional as I inherited her lab Leah and Murphy, who is almost blind. Murphy is a schnauzer. So I will pay for it in dogfood and reap the rewards in love from them.
Here you can see my orphan hibachi I found. Behind it is a bird bath. This is the front right corner of my property and the house is behind the hibachi.
My friend suggested I get a new hobby. There are over 3000 ceramic molds here give or take a few. When everything else gets done I will be enclosing the carport as I save up enough money to do this.
I have been telling my friends about crawdad (crayfish) mounds. Here are some crayfish mounds. look to the right and you will see one with the top kicked off. When I first got here the house had not been lived in for some time. As I have been here a while the crawfish mounds have receded back since the property has life on it again.
In this scene you will see a wrought iron bird bath to the left. To the far back is a bench made of natures wood. to the right is a bench and a waterfall. Dead center is a light. These three pieces are made of concrete.
Facing the highway, this is the upper right corner of my property. A few days ago everything was in full bloom. We had some more cold weather and that was the end of that. It seemed like such a gip. Just past those azaleas is a blueberry bush. The hole you see there is from fixing a broken pipe to the street. I have to find more topsoil to fill in and make it level. It is a matter of taking the time to do it.
This is just past the left end of my property line. The trees are thick enough, even here that you cannot see the house to the left of it.
This is to the left end from the middle of the street. In the next picture I am standing on the other side of the street.
If you look at this picture just before you go around the bend is the property ling. You can barely see a white truck behind the second telephone pole down. almost the furthest point you see really. It is 3.6 acres all together.
This is the creek. After the hurricanes nobody ever came and cleaned out the duct going across the highway. I have not been brave enough to get down there and do it myself. I am trying to design a contraption out of PVC pipe that I can just keep adding a piece and slide it across the highway until is breaks loose whatever is clogging it. I have a hunch calling the county will produce no results.
I realize this does not fit the theme, but I am posting it anyway. This is my little tracker I found driving down the road. I got it for $1,000.00. It does the job. I like it anyway.
So here I am, living out in the country... I ended up having to move in on top of myself as depicted by the ceramic molds. When I get the inside organized I will take pictures of the updates.
All for now and more later..
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
What a day it has been!!!
This picture is here for no other reason than I like it. Lorikeets are very beautiful birds and I have always been fond of them. I am fond of all parrots and birds actually, but their color and splendor just draw me in at times.Well I had a good day really... I loaded the last load that requires a van from the Bon Secour house. Most of it simply had to be removed. I had been sick earlier this week and had not made my way over there yet to finish up the work on the house. The realtor called tapping her toes, so I knew I had to get myself in gear and barge through the balance of this.
Today I made a phone call... It was perhaps one of the bravest phone calls I have made. I called my first long term g/f who now lives towards the east coast and became a scientist. I had been thinking about her a lot lately in reflecting on those I had let in over the years. When she always comes to mind, I remember a time I had received no therapy and thought all people behaved the was I was behaving in my late teens and early 20's. She was one of two special ones I had let in. She was the most wonderful woman who was actually real. Well anyway I called her today and considering who I was back then it is a miracle she did not hang up. It was awkward at first, but I am glad I did call. I was finally able to apologize to her for the way I had treated her when we were so young. She accepted the apology and we continued to visit for quite some time. She told me how her life had gone, the dreams she had filled, and the achievements she had earned in her life. She was still the soft spoken woman I knew when we were young, but it was clear she had found her nitche and was comfortable with who she is today. She had a bout with ductal carcinoma (breast) which was staged at zero about a year ago. Even tho it was benign she was given the same treatments as if it had been staged higher. I felt a knot in my tummy as she told me this. Her margins are clear and she is doing well. I am glad I made the call. I am happy for her that her life has gone so well. She certainly is a good person and that is a great thing. I believe she was the most sincere woman I was ever committed to. I wish I had treated her in the same way.
The web is a wonderful thing in many ways. Being able to research my early social circle and close friends has been a great thing. I glow when I see the various accomplishments they have achieved in their lives. Yet on the other side it has been a renewal of the message my parents gave me, which was I was wasting a bright mind. I would love to have achieved what those I knew did, but I guess, in part, I was not willing to do the work along with I had so much spiritual and emotional work to do I was not able to do the work. I am, however proud of my friends and loved ones for what they have achieved.
Well, back to the basics... I am making such progress on the house. I am completely out of the Foley house and that was sure an expensive lesson for misplaced trust. It was emotionally, physically, and financially taxing. I am just glad it is done. The Bon Secour house should be completed by Saturday and the steam cleaners can come in next week. So this is reduced stress!! This will give me 100% of my time free to work on my house.
Well Miss Sassy is setting on my lap. I think she missed me today. I think I will scoot over to Gardenia's blog and see what is up there. I have not been able to spend time on her blog much lately and I always enjoy her writings and creativity. Since she made it invite only I cannot push anyones buttons anymore. LOL So I will see what I can do for positive input.
It is time to sign off for me... Color me gone for now and will blog more when I get Bon Secour completely finished.
Friday, March 30, 2007
The Dash Poem Movie
An online friend sent this to me a few days ago and stated it had touched her heart and thought it would touch mine. She was right and it did..
Hence....
I thought I would share the link here.....
The Dash Poem/Movie
Enjoy!!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Criticism
The only way you can avoid Criticism is to do nothing and say nothing............
This will also insure that in doing so you will always be nothing.
Delilah, The Music Woman said this on her program tonight. I found it worth sharing.
This will also insure that in doing so you will always be nothing.
Delilah, The Music Woman said this on her program tonight. I found it worth sharing.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
My Day In Perdido
Well here it is about 11ish and I am so tired. I went to church this morning and my ex drove. It seems rather odd riding with her I guess, but it works out ok as my van eats so much gas. I enjoy being able to go with her and don't get to see her often. Sometime I still get sad that it did not work out.
Well I went to Perdido and started first by checking to see if I could fix the pipe leak out on the street. Of course I had the wrong coupling. I find this out after I bailed out all the water.
Well I started hauling things into the house. I am actually taking a load everytime I go now. No trip wasted!!!. So I got over half in the house and decided to work on the last layer of the living room floor. I got the plywood lined up the way I thought it should go and proudly pounded my first nail in it. Now this might not seem like a big deal to most reading this. However this is the first nail I have pounded besides hanging pictures since 2001!! For me this is a mile marker. For the last three years up until a year ago I had in home care because I could not as much as pick up a small frying pan.
Well!! I was so excited I pounded another nail and then another... I smashed my finger with the hammer. Actually I did not care too much because I was still proud that this arm that had once had a very large tumor inside of it was actually doing this. So I went onto the second sheet once I had sufficiently nailed that one.
A but later two ladies are at my front door. They were a mother and daughter team from across the highway. They only heard one hammer so they decided to come and see if it was me and show their support. It was very nice and felt comforting to know they care enough to come see how I am doing.
Well now I am home and I hurt all over more than anywhere else. But it is so worth it!! These are all muscles which have not had much use that I truly believed could never be used again. While this is taking longer than I had planned on the house it is rewarding to be able to do some of this. I could not do the beginning part of this floor, but the last surgery seems to have taken and this part I can do.
My friend JoAnn came over and helped me load the van again tonight. When she told me she was on her way to do this my face actually fell because I was so sore and so tired. She told me not to shoot a gift horse in the mouth and I was glad she showed up. We have another load already loaded that is going to Perdido in the Morning.
The way I have my day planned tomorrow is to unload a few things. Then work on the floor. As soon as it warms up enough I will tackle those couplings on the water lines. Then I will use kilz on the closet wall and paint the closet. While that is drying I will do another section of the floor. For a break I will bring some items in the house.
Tomorrow I am going to take a sandwich with me. I was pretty hungry when I got home tonight. It was just getting dark tonight when I got home.
More Later
Ya Think!!
Well I went to Perdido and started first by checking to see if I could fix the pipe leak out on the street. Of course I had the wrong coupling. I find this out after I bailed out all the water.
Well I started hauling things into the house. I am actually taking a load everytime I go now. No trip wasted!!!. So I got over half in the house and decided to work on the last layer of the living room floor. I got the plywood lined up the way I thought it should go and proudly pounded my first nail in it. Now this might not seem like a big deal to most reading this. However this is the first nail I have pounded besides hanging pictures since 2001!! For me this is a mile marker. For the last three years up until a year ago I had in home care because I could not as much as pick up a small frying pan.
Well!! I was so excited I pounded another nail and then another... I smashed my finger with the hammer. Actually I did not care too much because I was still proud that this arm that had once had a very large tumor inside of it was actually doing this. So I went onto the second sheet once I had sufficiently nailed that one.
A but later two ladies are at my front door. They were a mother and daughter team from across the highway. They only heard one hammer so they decided to come and see if it was me and show their support. It was very nice and felt comforting to know they care enough to come see how I am doing.
Well now I am home and I hurt all over more than anywhere else. But it is so worth it!! These are all muscles which have not had much use that I truly believed could never be used again. While this is taking longer than I had planned on the house it is rewarding to be able to do some of this. I could not do the beginning part of this floor, but the last surgery seems to have taken and this part I can do.
My friend JoAnn came over and helped me load the van again tonight. When she told me she was on her way to do this my face actually fell because I was so sore and so tired. She told me not to shoot a gift horse in the mouth and I was glad she showed up. We have another load already loaded that is going to Perdido in the Morning.
The way I have my day planned tomorrow is to unload a few things. Then work on the floor. As soon as it warms up enough I will tackle those couplings on the water lines. Then I will use kilz on the closet wall and paint the closet. While that is drying I will do another section of the floor. For a break I will bring some items in the house.
Tomorrow I am going to take a sandwich with me. I was pretty hungry when I got home tonight. It was just getting dark tonight when I got home.
More Later
Ya Think!!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Progress on my new home!!!
Well the cold weather did not help speed this up, but there has been major progress. Thanks to some members/friends of Holy Cross MCC in Pensacola and a couple of Habitat friends, I now have a floor in the living room. To God Be The Glory!!! The floor was completely shot. There is new sub-flooring, joists, and I am in the process of doing the top layer myself this week.
I will also be painting the interior and taking a full load up with me each time I go to Perdido. So within two or three weeks I will live in my new home. I am so very excited!! I now have two out buildings there and will be able to do my projects.
I am also getting the house ready my friends so kindly extended to me to put on the market. So much to do and it seems so little time to do it in. Between the surgery and the weather it sure threw my schedule some. I am so excited that there is light at the end of the tunnel that the setbacks seem pretty trivial really.
I am also excited about the decreased pain and increased mobility in my arm that is making it easier to accomplish more. I am not there yet as far as strength and all, but there has been progress. The last few days I have noticed it most. I am still sore, but not that brutal pain I have been experiencing.
More later
I will also be painting the interior and taking a full load up with me each time I go to Perdido. So within two or three weeks I will live in my new home. I am so very excited!! I now have two out buildings there and will be able to do my projects.
I am also getting the house ready my friends so kindly extended to me to put on the market. So much to do and it seems so little time to do it in. Between the surgery and the weather it sure threw my schedule some. I am so excited that there is light at the end of the tunnel that the setbacks seem pretty trivial really.
I am also excited about the decreased pain and increased mobility in my arm that is making it easier to accomplish more. I am not there yet as far as strength and all, but there has been progress. The last few days I have noticed it most. I am still sore, but not that brutal pain I have been experiencing.
More later
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Decision Made!! Blog will not be invite only...
Thanks to the private emails and the post from Gardenia on my blog about it remaining open or going to invite only because of a one or two people.... All of you had valuable input...I have decided not to let one or two people intimidate me about my blogging. Yes!! The person who stated I write different than I talk is absolutely correct. I am a writer and many writers write differently than they speak and it does not make anything they are writing about less valid! It just makes the gift God gave me to communicate and self-expression different than yours. Just like artists may create artwork that is surrealistic, but that does not make them any less real!! Musicians may play classical music in an orchestra but that does not mean they don't listen to rock or country music.
Ummmm... In fact I think writing vs. speaking is covered in my intro and has been for quite some time. So if you don't like my writings... I suggest you not concern yourself with my blog and go elsewhere.
The rest of you!! Welcome and thank you for reading and responding to me privately and/or posting through my blog. I realize many of you are more inclined to read and that is great too!!
Ya Think?
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Surgery Is Over...
I had my surgery on Friday. The good news is the only thing that was wrong is there was a spur in my shoulder that was hitting the nerves. While I am sore from the surgery, my shoulder actually feels better than it did prior to the surgery. A completely different kind of pain. I started Physical Therapy yet yesterday and while I am sore it is not unbearable.
Surgery got rather iffy because there were respiritory problems. They got that under control and things went better. The bad news is I was placed on steroids. While the hospital staff made it clear to those who took me I may not be easy to deal with on the steroids, I think there were still hard feelings. I never have done well after surgery and it almost seems surreal for the first few days. This time was no exception. Additionally the Percocet left me feeling somewhat confused at times. I don't remember a whole lot of the first couple of days and am still trying to get a handle back on things. Lots of missing time slots and sequence of events.
At any rate, I am home now and it feels good to be here. I had a hunch things were not going to go smooth during surgery and I was right. Hopefully I will not have to do this again!!
I can hardly wait to get my arm back. The muscle on that arm has been dead for a long time. There is a term for it, but I understand it can actually be built back up. I wonder what it will be like being able to use both arms in sync at some point here? I wonder how long it will take for it to feel natural to do so? There have been times through all this it has felt so bleek I just wanted out, but somehow that was not an option. I bet I will never take my body and limbs for granted again!! I don't think I will need chronic pain management anymore. Already I am down to a half of lortab twice a day, so this is a plus.
More later.....
Surgery got rather iffy because there were respiritory problems. They got that under control and things went better. The bad news is I was placed on steroids. While the hospital staff made it clear to those who took me I may not be easy to deal with on the steroids, I think there were still hard feelings. I never have done well after surgery and it almost seems surreal for the first few days. This time was no exception. Additionally the Percocet left me feeling somewhat confused at times. I don't remember a whole lot of the first couple of days and am still trying to get a handle back on things. Lots of missing time slots and sequence of events.
At any rate, I am home now and it feels good to be here. I had a hunch things were not going to go smooth during surgery and I was right. Hopefully I will not have to do this again!!
I can hardly wait to get my arm back. The muscle on that arm has been dead for a long time. There is a term for it, but I understand it can actually be built back up. I wonder what it will be like being able to use both arms in sync at some point here? I wonder how long it will take for it to feel natural to do so? There have been times through all this it has felt so bleek I just wanted out, but somehow that was not an option. I bet I will never take my body and limbs for granted again!! I don't think I will need chronic pain management anymore. Already I am down to a half of lortab twice a day, so this is a plus.
More later.....